It\u2019s tough representing your entire gender.<\/strong><\/p>\n I feel the pressure every time I climb those super-intimidating stairs to stand behind one of those super-intimidating old-school pulpits to give a sermon I spent extra hours preparing because a small part of me still believes I\u2019m unworthy to give it. I feel it every time I post a blog or write an article or publish a book, every time I give an interview or am asked to speak.<\/p>\n \u201cWe wanted to feature a woman\u2019s voice,\u201d<\/strong> a well-meaning conference planner will inform me with excitement, as if mine is sufficient to capture the experiences of 3.5 billion human beings.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll desperately scan the program for another woman\u2019s face, trying to shove the old adage from Clare Boothe Luce<\/a> from my mind: \u201cBecause I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail no one will say, \u2018She doesn\u2019t have what it takes.\u2019 They will say, \u2018Women don\u2019t have what it takes.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Luce\u2019s insight, illustrated brilliantly by XKCD<\/a>, is not a helpful one to share with a perfectionistic overachiever who takes herself way too seriously and who retreats to the company of complex carbohydrates when she\u2019s nervous, which is to say, all of the time.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve got just enough hubris to accept this ridiculous responsibility myself, shouldering it on behalf of my gender like Atlas in a sensible pencil skirt and blouse, as I work too late, take on too much, over-prepare, over-achieve, and over-compensate so that everyone will know we ladies have what it takes. I\u2019ve got to earn more money than the guys, generate more impressive blog stats than the guys, make better arguments than the guys, and know and please all the important guys, just to be taken seriously.<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to respond to every dumb thing John Piper says, be ready to debate 1 Timothy 2:12\u00a0on demand, and agree to every conference looking for female participants, because\u2026.I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve heard\u2026.we need someone to represent the women; we need a \u201cwoman\u2019s voice. \u201c<\/strong><\/p>\n And when I speak, I better find the sweet spot\u2014that elusive, ideal combination of smart and cute and not-too-intimidating or else they\u2019ll call me a bitch, or they\u2019ll call me dumb, or they\u2019ll call me emotional, or they\u2019ll call me a traitor. But they won\u2019t just be calling me those things. \u00a0They\u2019ll be calling all women those things, because I\u2019m here to represent my gender; I\u2019m there to speak with a woman\u2019s voice. \u00a0Should it falter, it will falter for many.<\/p>\n Now, I don\u2019t know how much of this complex of mine represents the harsh reality women really face, or how much of it is a projection generated by my own self-importance and pride, but I do know I am much happier and healthier when I move through the world without it.<\/p>\n In fact, I\u2019ve found that the most subversive, liberating thing I can do these days is to show up to that pulpit, or that conference, or that terrifying blank page and speak with my own voic<\/strong>e\u2014<\/p>\n not a \u201cwoman\u2019s voice,\u201d<\/p>\n not a \u201cman\u2019s voice,<\/p>\n just Rachel\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n East Tennessee accent and all.<\/p>\n Because really, that\u2019s all I\u2019ve ever had to begin with.<\/p>\n So men, if you want to help me in this effort to avoid self-destruction, beware tokenism<\/em>.<\/strong> Don\u2019t tell a woman she\u2019s been brought into a project to represent the perspective of her entire gender; that\u2019s too much pressure and not all women see the world the same way. I know this usually happens simply because we share the same goal of seeing more women at the table, and I honor that and am profoundly grateful for the ways in which we partner together to make that happen, but I can\u2019t be held responsible for speaking on behalf of all women; I can only speak for myself. So the more voices, the better. The more backgrounds and stories and experiences and areas of expertise, the better.<\/strong> And if a woman falters or struggles at her work, please don\u2019t universalize it by declaring that all women suck at math, or all women are disinterested in theology, or all women struggle with public speaking, or all women are bad teachers. Some of us are just having off days\u2026you know, like humans do.<\/p>\n Women, speak with the unique voices God gave you.<\/strong> Don\u2019t let anyone tell you that you\u2019re too masculine, or too feminine, or too feminist or not feminist enough. Tell your story, and tell it with the accent, tenor, and tone that story gave you. Tell it in your own voice.<\/p>\n Oh, and while you\u2019re at it, go ahead and fail. Our gender will survive it. I know because I totally bombed the first-service sermon at Mars Hill in Grand Rapids last year in front of, like, 2,000 people who were used to hearing from Rob Bell. \u00a0And while I\u2019m sure there were people in the crowd who took the opportunity to conclude that women make bad preachers, I only cried about it for two hours and then I stopped caring. In fact, it was something of a relief. It had finally happened: I\u2019d bombed and lived to tell about it; the pressure was off.\u00a0 (And who ever did I think I was to imagine I\u2019d go through life without that happening?)\u00a0 It\u2019s not my job to succeed every time for every woman. If someone concludes from one bad sermon that women suck at preaching, well then that person hasn\u2019t heard enough preachers, and that\u2019s his problem, not mine.<\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes the person I need the most liberating from is myself.<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m still super-intimidated by those high pulpits, and my hand still trembles sometimes before I hit the \u201cpublish\u201d button on my computer. Luce\u2019s adage goes through my mind at least once a day. \u00a0But more and more I\u2019m learning to let go, to quit this fool\u2019s errand of proving to the world that women have what it takes, and instead to go about the hard, unglamorous work of just showing up\u2026as Rachel.<\/p>\n It\u2019s nice when the voice echoing through the sound system, imperfect as it is, sounds like my own.<\/strong><\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Rachel Held Evans is a popular blogger and the author of A Year of Biblical Womanhood<\/a> (2012) and Evolving in Monkey Town<\/a> (2010). Find her at RachelHeldEvans.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n