![\"Promotional](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/84\/2015\/02\/last-5-years.jpg\")
<\/a>This is a guest post by Ellery Weil on\u00a0<\/em>The Last 5 Years. I\u2019ve included a video clip of a \u201cStory of Shmuel\u201d performance, but it\u2019s not the one Ellery is discussing.<\/em><\/p>\n The Last Five Years is a story of love lost, or maybe love that was never really there. But more than that, it\u2019s a story about the different shapes \u201csupport\u201d can take, depending on the person who needs it, and how easy it is for people\u2019s attempts to support each other to backfire without proper communication. One of the main issues plaguing the couple is that while one of them, Jaime, views support as enthusiasm and cheerleading and unrelenting faith in your partner\u2019s abilities, the other, Cathy, views support as someone to come home to, a shoulder to lean on and someone who will love you even if you fail. The couple\u2019s great tragedy is that while they both legitimately are trying to support each other, that means radically different things to the two of them, and they are so thoroughly unable to articulate these differences, that each views the other as being selfishly indifferent to their pursuits and struggles.<\/p>\n This struggle is perhaps most eloquently, and heartbreakingly, articulated in one of the film\u2019s early numbers\u2014 \u201cThe Story of Shmuel\u201d. Jaime, a young novelist flush with early success, is distraught when his girlfriend Cathy, a struggling actress, comes home feeling defeated after another failed audition. Despite her barely-tepid response to his announcement that he\u2019s spent hours that day writing her a story to cheer her up, Jaime launches into The Story of Shmuel the Tailor. As he relates his deeply silly Yiddish folktale about a forlorn tailor and the magic clock that brings him his heart\u2019s desire, Jaime dances, incorporates props, and flings decorations around their apartment, while Cathy endures the show with a pained but polite smile.<\/p>\nhttps:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=dX0n6pl8x8g<\/a>\n It\u2019s clear from Cathy\u2019s expressions and dialogue (\u201cI didn\u2019t know there\u2019d be so many stories\u201d), that this is a scene that\u2019s played out between the two of them before: Jaime reacts to Cathy\u2019s sadness by launching into his ridiculous song and dance (in this case, literally<\/em> a ridiculous song and dance) in a sweet but ultimately deeply misguided attempt to cheer her up. What Jaime doesn\u2019t understand, and what, for that matter, is such a little-discussed fact that I doubt Cathy could articulate it to him, is that there are times when someone close to you is upset, and cheering them up is pretty close to the worst thing you can do.<\/em><\/p>\n Pretty much everyone has experienced the pain of seeing someone close to them upset and thinking \u201cOh no, don\u2019t be sad, it hurts me so to see you sad, I will do anything to stop your sadness.\u201d<\/em> It\u2019s a funny impulse\u2013simultaneously noble (wanting to end your loved one\u2019s pain\u2026.) and selfish (\u2026because it hurts you<\/em> too much to see them that way). But love is by nature both noble and selfish, which is why it\u2019s part of our humanity.<\/p>\n However, the more compassionate path for Jaime to have taken would have been to give Cathy room for her sadness. Giving one you love the space to be upset can be daunting, and emotionally exhausting; stroking their hair while they cry, getting them their favorite takeout and encouraging them to slug around for the evening watching a movie, and most of all, enduring seeing them sad. It can seem counterproductive; after all, what if you\u2019re enabling a funk that could bloom into depression? Admittedly, there\u2019s a fine rope between giving someone emotional room and enabling internal flogging. But it\u2019s a line that has to be negotiated, because the alternative is to deny a fellow human being of the validity of their emotions.<\/p>\n I have been on the receiving end of a slightly manic, Shmuelesque cheer-up attempt, and even if the recipient can intellectually recognize that this gesture is coming from a place of love, it can feel suffocating and invalidating. To be cajoled into laughing, and then see the jokester\u2019s face melt into the relief of I made you laugh; you\u2019re not crying anymore; you\u2019re not sad anymore so it\u2019s okay<\/em> is to feel like your problem (which, make no mistake, still hurts) is being brushed off as a bad mood that can be brushed off in an instant. And to smile and allow your \u201cJaime\u201d to go on thinking their scheme worked, because you understand the purity of their intentions and don\u2019t want to hurt them, only adds a layer of resentment and frustration on top of the pain.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Story of Shmuel\u201d is sweet, funny, and possibly the most tragic scene in the musical. Both characters are trying so hard<\/em> to make each other happy, but both are ultimately failing, Jaime because he doesn\u2019t understand what his partner needs, and Cathy because she lacks the words to articulate and ask for her pain to be validated.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Don\u2019t forget,\u00a0<\/em>The Last 5 Years\u00a0<\/a>is available to rent or stream<\/a>, so you, too, can enjoy it and then send me a guest post. \u00a0My previous posts on the movie are \u201cNo\u00a0Villains, Just Inept Lovers\u00a0in\u00a0<\/a><\/em>The Last 5 Years<\/a>\u201c<\/a> and \u201cAsking a Lover for Too Limited Support\u201d<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is a guest post by Ellery Weil on\u00a0The Last 5 Years. I\u2019ve included a video clip of a \u201cStory of Shmuel\u201d performance, but it\u2019s not the one Ellery is discussing. The Last Five Years is a story of love lost, or maybe love that was never really there. But more than that, it\u2019s a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[51,105],"class_list":["post-11164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviewsrecommendations","tag-at-the-theatre","tag-guest-post"],"yoast_head":"\n