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<\/a><\/div>\nThere was a lot of backlash to my Soup Nazi Approach to Sexuality<\/a> post and the responsibility vs. culpability follow-up<\/a>. So now it\u2019s time to address the gender-related objections and questions. The gist of the comments was that I was unfairly\/arbitrarily letting the woman have all the power in the choice of whether to have an orphan, an abortion, or raise a child (the three options for dealing with a pregnancy).<\/p>\n I was accused both of being anti-feminist and perpetuating sexism by treating women and men differently and<\/em> of being a radical feminist who was punishing men unfairly. In a different world, I might be on board with the suggestion some commenters batted around: that sex partners should sign a contract prior to sex laying out their agreed-upon obligation in the event of conception. If nothing else, it would impose a waiting period on hookups, which I tend to favor. (I\u2019d love to see the alt-world where parties made sure they had a notary public on hand as well as a designated driver).<\/p>\n But, since that\u2019s not the world we live in, we have to kludge together a least-bad solution that can handle the situation on the ground. That doesn\u2019t mean we can\u2019t try and change the way people approach sexual relationships \u2013 my original post was about trying to get people to rethink the way they approach sex \u2013 but, in the meantime, I believe a strong expectation of responsibility from men is necessary. Now let\u2019s talk about why.<\/p>\n Pregnancy involves a woman\u2019s body<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n That\u2019s the simplest explanation of why men don\u2019t get to exercise unilateral reproductive choices. This doesn\u2019t cut men off from the option of raising children, they\u2019re able to adopt a child or pay a surrogate, so it\u2019s reasonable to judge that their desire to have a child can\u2019t trump a woman\u2019s desire to not go through pregnancy. For the men who feel they cannot countenance abortion and need a woman to go through with a pregnancy to save their soul, I cannot emphasize enough that people who think abortion is tantamount to murder have a duty to abstain from all sex that is not intended to be procreative.<\/p>\n That\u2019s pretty much the crux of why I feel men don\u2019t get a unilateral choice, or, really, any influence beyond advice when it comes to choosing to bring a pregnancy to term. The other reasons below outline why I don\u2019t think their limited options give them an out on responsibility.<\/p>\n Many women are profoundly uncomfortable with abortion<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s a lot easier to put the burden of child-rearing solely on the woman who chooses to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term if<\/em> that\u2019s not the only option she\u2019s got on the table. However, rightly or wrongly (and please don\u2019t debate it in the comment thread), many women are unwilling to have an abortion. Now, I have a Soup Nazi guideline for those women \u2013 if you\u2019re not interested in procreative sex, no sex for you! But I know it\u2019s not everyone is going to follow it, or a woman may think she\u2019s ok with abortion in the abstract but feel repulsed when push comes to shove.<\/p>\n If abortion is off the table for her, then any other solution has to take into account the well-being of the child-to-be. A man may claim he\u2019s being punished (or, in the words of one commenter, \u2018enslaved\u2019) when he is ordered to pay child support, but, if he doesn\u2019t help out, the person who is being punished the most unjustly is the child. The man can still make a strong pitch for putting the child up for adoption (and, if his only involvement will be financial, the mother should strongly consider it), but if the baby is being raised, basic compassion demands he make sure it is provided for.<\/p>\n And if you\u2019re asking why his involvement is necessary, consider\u2026<\/p>\n The Two-Income Trap<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n The normalization of women in the workforce means that a lot of commodities are priced for two-income households. You can get a decent pr\u00e9cis of the problem from this Mother Jones<\/em> interview with one of the book\u2019s co-authors<\/a>.<\/p>\n You can object to these constraints and wish reform, but I strongly advise against using the livelihood of a child to heighten the contradictions and draw attention. If you want to make it easier for men to walk away from a child, might I suggest you try to address the\u2026<\/p>\n<\/a><\/div>\n<\/a><\/div>\n