{"id":4571,"date":"2012-09-04T10:30:34","date_gmt":"2012-09-04T14:30:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?p=4571"},"modified":"2012-09-04T10:44:33","modified_gmt":"2012-09-04T14:44:33","slug":"that-moment-we-saw-you-for-what-you-really-are","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2012\/09\/that-moment-we-saw-you-for-what-you-really-are.html","title":{"rendered":"That Moment We Saw You For What You Really Are"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The \u201cWelcome to JT<\/a>\u201d thread has digressed into a number of interesting discussions (parental authority over children, what to make of data that suggests the people you think are wrong are doing better than you, etc). \u00a0And I do want to throw this less wrong post on envying \u201cirrational\u201d choices<\/a> into the mix, but the comment I want to\u00a0highlight\u00a0is on a different subject. \u00a0Clarissa wrote<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Yeah, JT presents himself as a nice guy, but he can turn on a dime into a vicious attack dog.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t trust guys like that, and it has nothing to do with atheism v theism or any other ism. I think people like that are just showing their true colors.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

First, let me make an important distinction between prudence and philosophy of identity. \u00a0It\u2019s quite reasonable for Clarissa to be on guard with someone\u2019s who\u2019s flown off the handle in the past or to cut off contact for her own safety. \u00a0I wouldn\u2019t pulled this comment out for a post if it weren\u2019t for the last sentence.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a pretty wretched pessimism that thinks\u00a0our moments of virtue are just a mask for something nasty underneath. \u00a0One slip wipes their previous good behaviour off the ledger. \u00a0I hate talking about authenticity, since I don\u2019t care very much about who I\u00a0am<\/em>, just who I\u00a0ought to be<\/em> and how to get there. \u00a0If pressed, I\u2019d say \u201ctrue self\u201d is the mask we choose<\/em> to put on when we\u2019re dressing up as Christ<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But you can leave \u201ctrue self\u201d as an unanswered question or a hopelessly incoherent one and still think the assumption in Clarissa\u2019s comment is pernicious. \u00a0If our worst behavior is our truest portrait, then it\u2019s hard not to get impatient with good behavior as artifice, something\u00a0deceiving\u00a0you until the other shoe finally\u00a0drops. \u00a0And once your friend finally slips up, you get to\u00a0feel vindicated in your skepticism and get to write the other person off as not\u00a0really<\/em>\u00a0good.<\/p>\n

Instead of trying to help you friend strengthen and celebrate what\u2019s best in themselves, which is low-reward, every day work, you get to be free of your obligations, now that you know what they\u00a0<\/em>really<\/em>\u00a0are. \u00a0This is one of the failures of charity that I\u2019m most\u00a0susceptible\u00a0to, and I\u2019m still pretty sucky on this one, though I\u2019m trying to become stronger. \u00a0Some of the triggers I use to spot when I\u2019m going wrong are noticing myself thinking anything that includes: \u201ctrue colors\u201d \u201cSo, all that [good thing] was a lie<\/em>\u201d \u201cWell, at least he\u2019s<\/em>\u00a0honest<\/em>\u00a0about it!\u201d and (except in the context of\u00a0My Cousin Vinny<\/em>)\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m done with\u00a0this<\/em> guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be screwed if my friends treated me the way I\u2019ve treated other people. \u00a0When someone lets me down, I try to think about error modes and trouble shooting instead. \u00a0What happened that made it harder for my friend to respond in their natural, loving way? \u00a0How can s\/he recognize this class of weakness in the future and what can s\/he do about them? \u00a0It\u2019s better for me and better for the people that I love when we think of our weaknesses as bugs in the system.<\/p>\n

I liked the way a parish priest put it when he said, \u201cSin is what you\u2019re\u00a0not<\/em>.\u201d \u00a0It\u2019s not in accord with your true nature, and remaining in sin is an act of self-annihilation. \u00a0That means we get on with the urgent business of burning off the dross off our souls by reaching out to the\u00a0truest<\/em> part of our friends and ourselves. \u00a0(If you\u2019re a L\u2019Engle fan, it\u2019s the difference between loving Charles Wallace<\/a> and being X\u2019d<\/a>).<\/p>\n

\u2014 \u2014 \u2014<\/p>\n

In this post, I focused mainly on how thinking other people\u2019s stumbles reveal their true selves hurts\u00a0me<\/em>, but I previously wrote about how this idea does serious damage when you apply it to your own actions. \u00a0The post is titled\u00a0\u201cIn Ira Veritas<\/a>\u201d and here\u2019s a pull-quote:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no authentic you that gets revealed in moments of high stress. You\u2019re not a latter-day Hyde, and your nastiness isn\u2019t some profound revelation about the nature of Man. It\u2019s just the same old you behaving badly, and maybe you\u2019ve just learned something about who you\u2019re most likely to lash out against, so you can guard yourself more closely now.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The \u201cWelcome to JT\u201d thread has digressed into a number of interesting discussions (parental authority over children, what to make of data that suggests the people you think are wrong are doing better than you, etc). \u00a0And I do want to throw this less wrong post on envying \u201cirrational\u201d choices into the mix, but the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[68,48],"tags":[112,26,24,132],"class_list":["post-4571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-epistemologyphilosophy","category-morality-in-practice","tag-authenticity-is-indulgent","tag-burn-off-the-dross","tag-high-mask-theory","tag-pride"],"yoast_head":"\nThat Moment We Saw You For What You Really Are<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The "Welcome to JT" thread has digressed into a number of interesting 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