{"id":508,"date":"2011-10-12T10:16:15","date_gmt":"2011-10-12T14:16:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?p=508"},"modified":"2012-11-20T17:12:32","modified_gmt":"2012-11-20T22:12:32","slug":"bisexuality-qa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html","title":{"rendered":"Bisexuality Q&A"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>I\u2019d still like more responses to the questions I posed to opponents of gay marriage<\/a> yesterday, but, since turnabout is fair play, I\u2019ll take a crack at some of the questions you guys asked about bisexuality in the thread. \u00a0I\u2019ll answer any others on this topic in the comments.<\/p>\n

UPDATE: there\u2019s still confusion in the comments so here\u2019s the tl;dr takeaway: Bisexuality is totally unrelated to polyamory. \u00a0Bisexuality describes the set of people who might attract you. \u00a0Polyamory specifies what kind of relationship you want to have with people in that set. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Joe asked<\/a>:<\/p>\n

As a bisexual is it easier for you to see that sexual orientation is changeable? I would imagine that a bisexual could become more attracted to one gender while they are dating that gender but then become more attracted to the opposite gender when they are in a different relationship. Maybe thats not how it works? But it seems that the existence of Bisexual people could be proof that sexual orientation could change.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yeah, I\u2019d say that\u2019s not how it works. \u00a0When I\u2019m dating someone, I\u2019m not more attracted to their gender generically, in the same way that someone dating a cellist doesn\u2019t find that, in the abstract, they are now much more attracted to cellists than violinists. \u00a0Some bi people like to quantify their relative attraction to each gender, but I\u2019ve not found that particularly personally enlightening (see statistical note at the end of the post). \u00a0Just as most readers probably don\u2019t think of themselves as 70% brunettes, 20% redheads, 10% blondes; I don\u2019t estimate or update my numbers on gender. \u00a0When I say I\u2019m bi, I mean that gender isn\u2019t a\u00a0disqualifier, and I tend to leave it at that.<\/p>\n

FCCG asked<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Many arguments for gay marriage suggest that you should be able to marry whoever will satisfy your inborn sexuality. If that is true, the bisexual should be allowed to marry at least one man and one woman. And if we allow this, how do we not allow traditional heterosexual modes of polygamy; what do we say to my friend who is convinced that polyamory is an orientation unto itself?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m really glad FCCG asked this, because it gives me an opportunity to address a common misconception. \u00a0Bisexuality is not the same thing as polyamory. \u00a0Let me return to the hair color parallel. \u00a0Plenty of straight men are attracted to both blondes and brunettes, but very few feel deprived or\u00a0suppressed\u00a0when they are dating only one girl with one hair color. \u00a0I don\u2019t have any more of a yen to date a boy and a girl at the same time than I need to be going steady with both an American and a Frenchwoman.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t<\/em> have a strong objection to polyamory, but my position on that has much more to do with the dynamics of heavy obligation to more than one person than it does with diversifying\u00a0genitalia. \u00a0Insofar as polyamorous marriage fits my conception of marriage \u2014 a life-long, difficult-to-exit commitment that is more focused on serving the other<\/a> than securing physical pleasures for the self \u2014 I have no problem with it. \u00a0Like covenant marriage<\/a>, polyamory is ok by me in theory, but they get a bad rap because it is most visibly practiced by the people we suspect are taking the principle to excess.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Finally, a statistical note on why I find the numberic labeling of bisexuals to be weird. \u00a0Let\u2019s assume there exists a bisexual girl (Jane) who is equally attracted to men and women, so we thing of her as having a 50-50 split. \u00a0Will we see her dating men as often as she does women? \u00a0Definitely not. \u00a0About 90% of men are attracted to women while only ~5% of women are [estimates are not precise]. \u00a0So every time Jane makes a pass at someone, all else being equal, a guy is 18x as likely to be receptive as a girl. \u00a0Unless she makes a special effort, someone would observe Jane dating guys 95% of the time and girls 5%. \u00a0So what number should she use to label herself?<\/p>\n

When people are trying to set you up on blind dates (or in most other contexts this comes up), it\u2019s a lot easier to talk about genres of people you\u2019re attracted to than it is to come up with numbers. \u00a0And, after all, bi people are no more likely to be attracted to all<\/em> men and women than a straight girl is to be attracted to all <\/em>men. \u00a0You might know your bi friend tends to prefer women to men, but, if that\u2019s all you know, she\u2019s liable to be disappointed when you introduce her to a cute butch girl when she\u2019s actually more into femmes.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019d still like more responses to the questions I posed to opponents of gay marriage yesterday, but, since turnabout is fair play, I\u2019ll take a crack at some of the questions you guys asked about bisexuality in the thread. \u00a0I\u2019ll answer any others on this topic in the comments. UPDATE: there\u2019s still confusion in the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[11,13],"class_list":["post-508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-lgbt","tag-talkback"],"yoast_head":"\nBisexuality Q&A<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I'd still like more responses to the questions I posed to opponents of gay marriage yesterday, but, since turnabout is fair play, I'll take a crack at\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bisexuality Q&A\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I'd still like more responses to the questions I posed to opponents of gay marriage yesterday, but, since turnabout is fair play, I'll take a crack at\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Unequally Yoked\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-10-12T14:16:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-11-20T22:12:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/files\/2011\/10\/bisexuals-300x199.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Leah Libresco\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Leah Libresco\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html\",\"name\":\"Bisexuality Q&A\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-10-12T14:16:15+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-11-20T22:12:32+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/17ee17592b35b40040d5f5f7ea5ab464\"},\"description\":\"I'd still like more responses to the questions I posed to opponents of gay marriage yesterday, but, since turnabout is fair play, I'll take a crack at\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2011\/10\/bisexuality-qa.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Bisexuality Q&A\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/\",\"name\":\"Unequally Yoked\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/17ee17592b35b40040d5f5f7ea5ab464\",\"name\":\"Leah Libresco\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/20e1e6a3a94c4e7928687804a41d888d?s=96&d=mm&r=r\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/20e1e6a3a94c4e7928687804a41d888d?s=96&d=mm&r=r\",\"caption\":\"Leah Libresco\"},\"description\":\"Leah is the author of Arriving at Amen and Building the Benedict Option. 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