{"id":6729,"date":"2013-01-14T11:07:48","date_gmt":"2013-01-14T16:07:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?p=6729"},"modified":"2013-01-14T11:07:48","modified_gmt":"2013-01-14T16:07:48","slug":"youve-already-got-your-quest-object","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2013\/01\/youve-already-got-your-quest-object.html","title":{"rendered":"You’ve Already Got Your Quest-Object!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

One theme I didn\u2019t get to touch on in my discussion of Gary Thomas\u2019s\u00a0The Sacred Search<\/em> yesterday<\/a> is his attack on the idea of a soulmate, one specific person that you are\u00a0destined<\/em> to be with. \u00a0(I have to note that xkcd<\/a>, and Tim Minchin<\/a> have very funny riffs on this idea). \u00a0Thomas says a lot of our rhetoric on this topic draws heavily on a speech near the end of Plato\u2019s\u00a0Symposium<\/em>, which is adeptly glossed in\u00a0Hedwig and the Angry Inch<\/em> below:<\/p>\nhttp:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=_hNRenmLO8w<\/a>\n

So, in this telling, we\u2019re all on an epic quest of self-discovery and discernment. \u00a0Finding that missing part of ourself requires careful self-scrutiny to discover the shape of the hole in our heart. \u00a0Reading over Thomas\u2019s critique of this idea, I was reminded of a blog post by Ross Douthat I\u2019d read earlier in the week, riffing on David Bentley Hart\u2019s portrait of modern\u00a0Gnosticism<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In Hart\u2019s telling, modern Gnosticism retains this \u201cassumption that spiritual disaffection is something to be cured by discovering and decoding some forgotten, half-effaced text inscribed somewhere within the self,\u201d but drops the sense of alienation from the created world and the desire to escape its toils. Instead of seeking reconciliation with an original uncreated realm, a true God beyond all gods, the modern Gnostic seeks salvation through \u201creconciliation with one\u2019s own primordial depths,\u201d and the sense of consolation that this purely personal experience provides. In this sense, he suggests, Gnosticism has returned in a less radical and more therapeutic form, which calls its contemporary disciples to an essentially self-centered spirituality that offers comfort rather than transcendence.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Douthat goes on to trace the branching influence of Gnosticism on the diffuse spirituality of Elizabeth Gilbert as well as the aesthetics of atheism, but I was struck by how well the soulmate idea fits into this mold. \u00a0Here, romance required inwardly-directed knowledge, individually tailored to you. \u00a0And that aesthetic is very appealing to a DIYer like me. \u00a0There\u2019s something I have to do to push the bound of what is known a little further, and, by wresting that discovery to myself, I earn my happily-ever-after.<\/p>\n

In contrast, Thomas\u2019s prescriptions for a healthful relationship don\u2019t rely on personal revelation. \u00a0The Church and its philosophical traditions give you plenty of data to be going on with. \u00a0We know enough of Christ to decide to pattern our lives on his, instead of trying to discover some esoteric, authentic self. \u00a0In the soulmate model, the arrival of another person completes you and transforms you, and you must prepare yourself to\u00a0receive\u00a0that revelation. \u00a0In the Christian model, we already know Who has come to set us free and bring us peace. \u00a0A romantic partner is meant to help you grow in that relationship, just as s\/he helps you grow in love and service to your children, but a lover is not a new Testament.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 One theme I didn\u2019t get to touch on in my discussion of Gary Thomas\u2019s\u00a0The Sacred Search yesterday is his attack on the idea of a soulmate, one specific person that you are\u00a0destined to be with. \u00a0(I have to note that xkcd, and Tim Minchin have very funny riffs on this idea). \u00a0Thomas says a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":6735,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[196],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6729","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-2"],"yoast_head":"\nYou've Already Got Your Quest-Object!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"  One theme I didn't get to touch on in my discussion of Gary Thomas's\u00a0The Sacred Search yesterday is his attack on the idea of a soulmate, one\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, 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