{"id":7396,"date":"2013-05-16T16:21:10","date_gmt":"2013-05-16T20:21:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?p=7396"},"modified":"2013-05-16T16:32:10","modified_gmt":"2013-05-16T20:32:10","slug":"the-rotten-orange-and-the-kingslayer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2013\/05\/the-rotten-orange-and-the-kingslayer.html","title":{"rendered":"The Rotten Orange and the Kingslayer"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Calah Alexander kicked off a Patheos Catholic-wide conversation about certain kinds of abstinence-only education with \u201cSloppy Seconds Sex-Ed<\/a>\u201d and Elizabeth Scalia has been aggregating the responses<\/a>. \u00a0Calah is criticizing specifically the kind of program that sends students (especially women) the message that sex before marriage will leave them used up and worthless.<\/p>\n

When I heard it, it was glasses of water. Women (and only women, mind you; the boys got a separate talk about cherishing each woman as if she were the prized treasure of another man) were like glasses of crystal-clear spring water. If you \u201cfooled around\u201d before marriage, it was like someone spit in your glass of water. If you had sex before marriage, it was like someone took a huge drink of your water, swished it around in their mouths, and then spat it back into the glass. The more sex you had, the dirtier your glass of water got. \u201cSo think of that before you have premarital sex,\u201d we were admonished. \u201cThink of the gift you\u2019re going to give your husband on your wedding night. Do you want to give him a pure, untouched glass of delicious water, or a dirty cup of everyone else\u2019s backwash?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you missed this message in class, you\u2019ll get to see some of the consequences of it when Joss Whedon\u2019s\u00a0Much Ado about Nothing<\/em><\/a> comes out. \u00a0In the play, Hero and Claudio are in love and engaged. \u00a0When Claudio is\u00a0deceived\u00a0into thinking Hero has dallied with another man, he throws her over at the altar. \u00a0 He has deliberately waited to confront her until the wedding so he can humiliate her:<\/p>\n

There, Leonato, take her back again.
\nGive not this rotten orange to your friend.
\nShe\u2019s but the sign and semblance of her honor.
\nBehold how like a maid she blushes here!
\nOh, what authority and show of truth
\nCan cunning sin cover itself withal!
\nComes not that blood as modest evidence
\nTo witness simple virtue? Would you not swear,
\nAll you that see her, that she were a maid
\nBy these exterior shows? But she is none.
\nShe knows the heat of a luxurious bed.
\nHer blush is guiltiness, not modesty.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Claudio doesn\u2019t speak Hero\u2019s name. \u00a0He has reduced her identity to her transgression. \u00a0(You may hear echoes of Javert and Valjean\u2019s disagreement about identity<\/a>: \u201cYou are a thief\u201d\/\u201dI stole a loaf of bread\u201d). \u00a0Hero is accused of something much more serious than simple imprudence; on the eve of a marriage, her crime would have been infidelity. \u00a0But it\u2019s a mistake to take an\u00a0act<\/em> of betrayal and construe it as a revelation of character, irrevocable and immutable.<\/p>\n

When Claudio essentializes Hero\u2019s act, he objectifies her. \u00a0He gives himself permission to stop treating her as a person. \u00a0He can only speak of her negatively: she\u2019s\u00a0not<\/em> a maid, and what she is<\/em> is unworthy of acknowledgement. \u00a0He\u2019s taken her lapse and turned it into a horrible Homeric epithet. \u00a0He starts interacting with a\u00a0character<\/em> instead of a person and turns himself into a cruel caricature.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Hero is falsely accused, but in\u00a0Game of Thrones<\/em> (I\u2019ll be careful about spoilers, don\u2019t worry), even a truthful claim can become an uncharitable fetter. \u00a0Ser Jaime Lannister is often called \u201cKingslayer\u201d since, before the series begins, he betrayed his oath as sworn man to Mad King Aerys and killed him. \u00a0(Aerys\u2019s own sobriquet may give you a hint as to why). \u00a0Other people Jaime interacts with keep referring to him as Kingslayer and Oathbreaker, and the constant repetition changes what they expect of Jaime and what he expects of himself.<\/p>\n

Virtue ethics recognizes that your actions\u00a0today<\/em> shape who you will be tomorrow<\/em>. \u00a0Your acts have a power over you, but so do the action of others, particularly when they seep down into your self-image. \u00a0Recognizing and repudiating an\u00a0act<\/em>\u00a0doesn\u2019t require us to treat each other or ourselves the way Claudio treats Hero or the way some abstinence only instructors treat children.<\/p>\n

You shouldn\u2019t simply disassociate from past acts and expect to be unmarked; that would be training callousness. \u00a0If Jaime looked back at the trust he betrayed and didn\u2019t care or thought of his past actions as far enough away to be irrelevant, he wouldn\u2019t be building up his power to keep his word (or avoid giving it when he can\u2019t trust himself to keep it) in the future. \u00a0You can\u2019t solve the problem by just training stoicism and indifference to the opinions of others. \u00a0If Hero steeled herself so she could never be moved by Claudio\u2019s cruelty, she wouldn\u2019t be in love with him, she\u2019d be completely disconnected from him as a lover and even just a fellow human who deserves\u00a0caritas<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Perhaps it would help to turn outward. \u00a0Instead of trying to ask what the act\u00a0reveals<\/em> about the actor, try to find the person who was hurt or betrayed and offer help. \u00a0Don\u2019t look inward and just say \u201cHow could I\/you do something like this?\u201d but ask what you\u2019ll do\u00a0now<\/em>. \u00a0Invite the person you\u2019d like to cast out to help you help the person harmed. \u00a0And keep in mind that cruelty is unsafe at any dose. \u00a0It doesn\u2019t matter whether its your first time or not, it\u2019s never something to reinforce and repeat.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Calah Alexander kicked off a Patheos Catholic-wide conversation about certain kinds of abstinence-only education with \u201cSloppy Seconds Sex-Ed\u201d and Elizabeth Scalia has been aggregating the responses. \u00a0Calah is criticizing specifically the kind of program that sends students (especially women) the message that sex before marriage will leave them used up and worthless. When I heard […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":7397,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[24,164],"class_list":["post-7396","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-morality-in-practice","tag-high-mask-theory","tag-sex-and-sexuality"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Rotten Orange and the Kingslayer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Calah Alexander kicked off a Patheos Catholic-wide conversation about certain kinds of abstinence-only education with "Sloppy Seconds Sex-Ed" and\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2013\/05\/the-rotten-orange-and-the-kingslayer.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta 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