{"id":9502,"date":"2014-05-18T12:52:04","date_gmt":"2014-05-18T16:52:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?p=9502"},"modified":"2014-05-18T12:52:04","modified_gmt":"2014-05-18T16:52:04","slug":"a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html","title":{"rendered":"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette<\/a>.<\/p>\nhttps:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=0Ii4KTwnN1U<\/a>\n

In an interview with New York<\/em>, Mazaurette summarized the difference between the American and French approaches to sex and dating.<\/p>\n

\n

So tell me, how would you describe the French attitude toward sex?<\/strong>
\nI can only compare it to the countries I\u2019ve lived in \u2014 Germany, and now Denmark, and I\u2019ve made some trips to the U.S. I\u2019d say the main difference is that in France we\u2019re so straightforward. We don\u2019t have these dating rituals; we just start with sex! And then, if the sex was good enough or we feel connected somehow,\u00a0then\u00a0we would try to build a relationship.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So you always have sex on the first date, then?<\/strong>
\nAbsolutely! But it\u2019s not even an issue because\u00a0there is no date<\/em>.\u00a0There is just first sex. You think someone is attractive, you give it a try. I think it really makes sense. (Of course I say that, because I\u2019m French, right?) But if you don\u2019t have sex first, you build up too much pressure. You start thinking,\u00a0I have seen this guy for four or five restaurants<\/em>, or however you do it in the U.S., and what if it fails? If you get sex out the way first, then you can only have good surprises.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

I\u2019ll concede that I love the phrase \u201cfour or five restaurants\u201d and I kind of want to steal the malapropism for use in everyday life (\u201cC\u2019mon, how many more restaurants are you going to have before we all get to meet this guy?\u201d). \u00a0But that\u2019s pretty much the limit of what I agree with in this snippet.<\/p>\n

Quite aside from Catholic concerns about sexual ethics, I just can\u2019t imagine it\u2019s worse to be surprised by bad sex than a poor conversationalist. \u00a0For one thing, sex is supposed to be more the kind of thing one can improve at, whereas people\u2019s conversation styles and aesthetic tastes are a little more fixed.<\/p>\n

For another, you spend\u00a0most<\/em> of a relationship euh,\u00a0comment dit-on\u2026<\/em>\u00a0restauranting rather than in bed. \u00a0Not that you\u00a0have<\/em> to pick, but, if you do, one of them is going to affect a lot more of your day to day life, not to mention the lives of the friends you introduce your\u00a0petit-ami<\/em> to, as well as any children you possibly have.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible (probably) I\u2019m just unusually impatient, but I get tense and annoyed enough already when fielding unwanted, banal texts after an unsuccessful first date, and trying to figure out how to disentangle myself. \u00a0I would feel a lot odder\/worse if I were doing it after a much more intimate encounter, where it felt more like I had done something un-casual with the gentleman in question. \u00a0I\u2019d expect it would be harder to taper off contact without hurting his feelings.<\/p>\n

And, finally, if this is the French approach to dating, I\u2019m confused about the French approach to friendships. \u00a0In friendship, shared time and shared projects aren\u2019t the filter for sex, they\u2019re the end in itself. \u00a0I can\u2019t think of any simple short-cut past the restauranting phase (ok, I can think of two: knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll<\/a>, and dressing up as ninjas to attack Richard Stallman<\/a>).<\/p>\n

But if getting-to-know-yous seems like that much of a waste of time when looking for sexual partners, I\u2019m curious how Mlle.\u00a0Mazaurette handles the process of forging platonic partnerships.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an interview with New York, Mazaurette summarized the difference between the American and French approaches to sex and dating. So tell me, how would you describe the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":9503,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[195,164],"class_list":["post-9502","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-morality-in-practice","tag-friendship","tag-sex-and-sexuality"],"yoast_head":"\nA Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Unequally Yoked\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-05-18T16:52:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/84\/2014\/05\/some-people-juggle-geese.gif\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"245\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"163\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/gif\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Leah Libresco\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Leah Libresco\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html\",\"name\":\"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-05-18T16:52:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-05-18T16:52:04+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/17ee17592b35b40040d5f5f7ea5ab464\"},\"description\":\"By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/\",\"name\":\"Unequally Yoked\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/17ee17592b35b40040d5f5f7ea5ab464\",\"name\":\"Leah Libresco\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/20e1e6a3a94c4e7928687804a41d888d?s=96&d=mm&r=r\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/20e1e6a3a94c4e7928687804a41d888d?s=96&d=mm&r=r\",\"caption\":\"Leah Libresco\"},\"description\":\"Leah is the author of Arriving at Amen and Building the Benedict Option. Her further writing can be found at leahlibresco.com.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/author\/leahlibresco\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap","description":"By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap","og_description":"By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html","og_site_name":"Unequally Yoked","article_published_time":"2014-05-18T16:52:04+00:00","og_image":[{"width":"245","height":"163","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/84\/2014\/05\/some-people-juggle-geese.gif","type":"image\/gif"}],"author":"Leah Libresco","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Leah Libresco","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html","name":"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-05-18T16:52:04+00:00","dateModified":"2014-05-18T16:52:04+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/17ee17592b35b40040d5f5f7ea5ab464"},"description":"By playing the clip below, you can get a sense of my level of bafflement when I read these remarks by French GQ sex columnist Ma\u00efa Mazaurette. In an","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/2014\/05\/a-trans-atlantic-dating-gap.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"A Trans-Atlantic Dating Gap"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/","name":"Unequally Yoked","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/17ee17592b35b40040d5f5f7ea5ab464","name":"Leah Libresco","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/20e1e6a3a94c4e7928687804a41d888d?s=96&d=mm&r=r","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/20e1e6a3a94c4e7928687804a41d888d?s=96&d=mm&r=r","caption":"Leah Libresco"},"description":"Leah is the author of Arriving at Amen and Building the Benedict Option. Her further writing can be found at leahlibresco.com.","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/author\/leahlibresco"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9502","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/127"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9502"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9502\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9503"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9502"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9502"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unequallyyoked\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9502"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}