![\"celibate-and-gay\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/361\/2015\/07\/celibate-and-gay.jpg\")
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When it comes to facing down the shrill imprecations of televangelists and street protesters, or the assignment of blame for earthquakes and other disasters, there\u2019s hardly a more longsuffering group of people in America than gays and lesbians. But even some of the staunchest opponents of same-sex relationships have begun to acknowledge that their churches may have room for celibate gays and lesbians. It\u2019s a unique historical development and one that presents the gay community with an important choice\u2014but maybe not the most obvious one. <\/p>\n
There\u2019s a popular idea that all major world religions universally condemn homosexuality. It isn\u2019t true, and it\u2019s time to put an end to this destructive myth. On the other hand, there\u2019s an equally popular wholesale rejection of religion by many gays and lesbians. It\u2019s just as shortsighted and unfair. I know because I used to share the view. I left Christianity when I was eighteen. My reasons had nothing to do with its stance on homosexuality, but early on I couldn\u2019t appreciate how meaningful religion could be to so many intelligent, kind people. <\/p>\n
But there\u2019s a recent transformation taking place that signals positive change: not only are religious communities opening up to the LGBT community, but individual gays and lesbians are insisting on their place in the pew. It\u2019s a natural and important development for gay and lesbian history. Despite such an encouraging development, the gay community is still largely holding on to one final, related but inexcusable prejudice of our own: judgment and exclusion for gays and lesbians who exist on that uncertain middle ground and who choose to remain celibate. <\/p>\n
Gays and lesbians are fundamentally defined and identified by the uniqueness of their love and sex lives. It\u2019s an indispensable token of identity that we may never shake. Our community has faced terrible prejudice for the simple act of acknowledging our most intimate relationships. We\u2019ve rightly made the calculation that the freedom to love who we want openly is worth the discrimination and lives lost as we fight against ignorance. Only with narrow-mindedness can we now look at our fellows and judge them for making their own choices about which intimate relationships to prioritize. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s not a cowardly, weak choice to value your own understanding of spiritual fulfillment and closeness to your God over sex and love. It\u2019s a bold, costly and often very painful choice. Major world religions do not agree on homosexuality, but one thing nearly all religions do agree on is that spiritual awakening often can require giving up what\u2019s most meaningful to you. <\/p>\n
I would never tell anyone that you can\u2019t love your God and your same-sex partner (I have a place for both). Nor would I defend those who insist that coupled gays and lesbians can\u2019t worship alongside them. But I would defend the right of my fellow gays and lesbians to make the most meaningful, intimate choices about their lives without judgment and exclusion. <\/p>\n
I know I didn\u2019t leave Christianity because I was gay, but I also know that religion (despite its excesses) is a profoundly powerful force for fulfillment and transformation, and that\u2019s why, in time, I found my way back to belief. <\/p>\n
Gays can\u2019t beat God, and there\u2019s no reason we should try. Let\u2019s not judge our peers who decide their understanding of their religion and of their relationship to their God is worth sacrificing pleasurable and fulfilling love and sex. We\u2019re the only ones who might know what that choice feels like and what it can cost. Let\u2019s celebrate that they\u2019ve found a meaningful relationship of their own. <\/p>\n
When I did leave Christianity, it had nothing to do with homosexuality and everything to do with my own unanswered questions. I didn\u2019t come out for eight years after I realized I was gay. I\u2019d be lying if I said my fear wasn\u2019t partly responsible, but growing up in the church, that relationship provided real meaning to my life. It unequivocally made me a better person.<\/p>\n
I know how it feels to be torn between your beliefs and your biology. It\u2019s a painful, introspective experience and one that isn\u2019t made any easier by intolerance from the only ones who might understand your predicament. A community that doesn\u2019t welcome its members at their most vulnerable doesn\u2019t deserve them at their strongest. <\/p>\n
For a community so inclusive its acronym seems to grow every year, isn\u2019t it time LGBT Americans admit that you can be gay and lesbian even if you choose to remain celibate for your religious convictions? It\u2019s time we open a space for everyone to belong. <\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
When it comes to facing down the shrill imprecations of televangelists and street protesters, or the assignment of blame for earthquakes and other disasters, there\u2019s hardly a more longsuffering group of people in America than gays and lesbians. But even some of the staunchest opponents of same-sex relationships have begun to acknowledge that their churches may have room for celibate gays and lesbians. It\u2019s a unique historical development and one that presents the gay community with an important choice\u2014but maybe not the most obvious one. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5168,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[116],"tags":[223],"class_list":["post-5160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lgbt","tag-celibacy"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"Matthew](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/361\/2015\/07\/matthew-snider.jpg\")
About Matthew Snider<\/strong>
\nMatthew Snider is a lawyer and analyst from Maryland. He writes on LGBT issues for Progressive Maryland<\/a> and attends religious services with his partner every Sunday. He can be found on Twitter @matthewsnider<\/a>. <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"