{"id":224,"date":"2016-04-26T08:06:15","date_gmt":"2016-04-26T00:06:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/unfundamentalistparenting\/?p=224"},"modified":"2016-04-26T08:09:13","modified_gmt":"2016-04-26T00:09:13","slug":"from-navel-to-knees-naming-the-unspeakable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/unfundamentalistparenting\/2016\/04\/from-navel-to-knees-naming-the-unspeakable\/","title":{"rendered":"From Navel to Knees – Naming the Unspeakable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u201cAyuda!\u201d My feisty\u00a0seventeen-month-old daughter has mastered the art of asking for help, in Spanish no less.\u00a0When Sam turned one my husband and I enrolled her at\u00a0Spanish immersion childcare center not far from our house. During the week\u00a0her sponge-like brain is absorbing a language different from the one she hears at home. Effortless bilingualism, the school calls it.<\/p>\n

Language helps us make sense of ourselves and our world, and as a parent I take the responsibility of setting a strong communication foundation\u00a0seriously. In her\u00a0infancy I learned to narrate\u00a0even the most\u00a0mundane tasks like making toast and folding laundry. I sang her to sleep with made-up verses to the tune of \u201cThe Itsy Bitsy Spider.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now that she\u2019s a toddler, words\u00a0are\u00a0easy and important\u00a0to share with her at this stage of mimicry and exploration (though we are realizing the impending need to filter what we say more often!) \u00a0At her upcoming check-up her pediatrician undoubtedly\u00a0will ask us, \u201cHow many new words does Sam have?\u201d<\/p>\n

Even for the youngest among us, naming is powerful.\u00a0Sam delights whenever she sees a dog (or any animal for that matter) and can shout her favorite word: \u201cPuppy!\u201d Each time she does so we feel a surge of pride\u00a0that she is learning to communicate with and about the world around her.<\/p>\n

As with any aspects of parenting, this stage is temporary and fleeting. In another year or two\u00a0she will be speaking to us in full sentences and no doubt asking us countless questions. On a walk the other day my husband said, \u201cWon\u2019t it be strange when Sam talks all of the time?\u201d He and I are both the youngest in our families and often felt \u201cshushed\u201d by our older siblings and parents. Speaking to Sam in a way that respects her as a person is one of our highest and shared values.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"kid-1241817_1280\"<\/p>\n

Image: Pixabay<\/em><\/p>\n

A few weeks ago\u00a0I had quite a jolt when I listened to Peggy Orenstein\u2019s interview<\/a> on NPR about her latest book\u00a0Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.\u00a0<\/i>Although she was speaking primarily about girls in their teens, one thing she said has been nagging me about my own parenting.<\/p>\n

Parents don\u2019t tend to name their infant baby\u2019s genitals if they\u2019re girls.<\/strong> For boys, they\u2019ll say, \u201cHere\u2019s your nose, here\u2019s your shoulders, here\u2019s your waist, here\u2019s your pee pee,\u201d whatever. But with girls, there\u2019s this sort of blank space \u2014 it\u2019s right from navel to knees, and not naming something makes it quite literally unspeakable.<\/p>\n

During college and divinity school\u00a0I\u00a0participated in productions of\u00a0The Vagina Monologues <\/i>and\u00a0found power in\u00a0reclaiming the word \u201cvagina\u201das something to be said without pause and\u00a0with great pride. I got used to saying it. But then of course,\u00a0\u201cvagina\u201d is not often what we mean when we say it. What we usually mean is the \u201cvulva,\u201d\u00a0a word I have rarely heard or used. Even with my daughter.<\/p>\n

I want my daughter to grow up\u00a0knowing her body is beautiful, powerful, sacred.<\/strong><\/em> That isn\u2019t something she\u2019s naturally going to gain from living in our world. In fact it\u00a0will tell her at a scarily young age that her body is imperfect and its worth lies\u00a0solely in the pleasure of the male gaze. And I\u2019m concerned\u00a0she will learn this not only from the culture, but also\u00a0from the\u00a0church<\/i>. Like I did.<\/p>\n

I was a youth group kid when the\u00a0True Love Waits<\/i> movement was gaining popularity. From this curriculum I learned to see my\u00a0sexuality\u00a0as a liability and my female\u00a0body as a\u00a0source of temptation. At age 13 I took a purity pledge to remain abstinent until marriage. There are plenty of good reasons for young people to delay sexual experiences with a partner, but my motivation for taking this pledge were based in pure fear:\u00a0If I didn\u2019t take the pledge, I might not be\u00a0accepted fully by my faith community. If\u00a0I had\u00a0sex before marriage, it would diminish my worth<\/i> as a human being.<\/p>\n

As a Christian I believe that each of us is created in the image of God with innate sacred worth. That worthiness does not stop just below our navels. I want to teach my daughter that nothing about her body is unspeakable\u2013that each part deserves love and respect\u2013and that begins with naming them. I\u2019ll confess that\u00a0saying \u201cvulva\u201d to my toddler feels a little bit strange and uncomfortable. But each time I do, I\u00a0am breaking the silence of my own pain and hoping new life springs\u00a0from it.<\/p>\n

For Sam and for me.<\/p>\n

\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Katey Zeh<\/i><\/b>, M.Div is a strategist, writer, and educator who inspires intentional\u00a0communities to create a more just, compassionate world through building connection, sacred truth telling, and striving for the common good. \u00a0She has written for\u00a0outlets including\u00a0<\/i>Huffington Post, Sojourners, Religion Dispatches, Response\u00a0magazine<\/i>,\u00a0the\u00a0<\/i>Good Mother Project,\u00a0the\u00a0<\/i>Journal for Feminist Studies in Religion,\u00a0and the\u00a0<\/i>United Methodist News Service. \u00a0Find her on Twitter at @ktzeh<\/a> or on her website\u00a0<\/i>www.kateyzeh.com<\/i><\/a>.<\/i><\/p>\n