{"id":1522,"date":"2019-12-10T15:50:01","date_gmt":"2019-12-10T20:50:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/waystationinthewilderness\/?p=1522"},"modified":"2019-12-10T15:51:43","modified_gmt":"2019-12-10T20:51:43","slug":"when-christmas-is-a-trauma-trigger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/waystationinthewilderness\/2019\/12\/when-christmas-is-a-trauma-trigger\/","title":{"rendered":"When Christmas is a Trauma Trigger"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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Credit: Pixabay<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Christmas can be a significant trauma trigger, especially for anyone who has been through religious trauma. If we\u2019re already dealing with PTSD or trying to heal from our trauma, it\u2019s not surprising the holiday season could affect us.<\/p>\n

Dealing with Difficult Memories<\/h3>\n

People tend to get nostalgic around Christmas. We may find ourselves reflecting on old memories. Some of those memories may be painful because we remember being hurt. Other memories may be painful because we\u2019re remembering something, or someone, we\u2019ve lost. This can be especially difficult if we\u2019re thinking of happy memories with people we\u2019ve had to cut out of our lives, whether those people are family members or people a toxic church community we\u2019ve left.<\/p>\n

Feelings of Guilt<\/h3>\n

Christmas can bring up feelings of guilt, especially for people who\u2019ve endured religious trauma. If we have decided to deviate from how our toxic church communities observed Christmas in the past, it can stir up all sorts of emotions. We might feel guilty or afraid because we\u2019re \u201cbreaking the rules.\u201d We might experience panic about what sort of judgment God has in store for us. The truth is, God understands how hard it is to leave unhealthy religious practices and work toward finding a healthier way of expressing our faith. He isn\u2019t going to smite a hurting person over Christmas traditions.<\/p>\n

Setting Boundaries<\/h3>\n

As we go through the healing process, we learn how to set healthy boundaries. However, some people in our lives will see our healthy boundaries as a direct challenge to their authority or as a personal attack on them. If you choose not to attend Christmas Eve dinner with your emotionally abusive family members, they will likely push back. You don\u2019t owe anyone your presence or your energy, but it\u2019s still difficult to deal with the backlash that can come with setting those boundaries and undoing a lifetime of dysfunctional familial conditioning.<\/p>\n

Feeling Conflicted<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s normal to feel conflicted about Christmas if you\u2019ve endured trauma, and it\u2019s even more expected if you\u2019ve endured religious trauma. You may be struggling with your faith, feeling angry, or grieving for the life you had. You might not be sure if you\u2019ll be up for attending any religious services. You might not want to observe Christmas at all. If you aren\u2019t sure how you feel about the holiday, that\u2019s OK.<\/p>\n

Managing Our Emotions<\/h3>\n

When dealing with a trauma trigger, it can be hard to scale our emotions appropriately. If we add the pressure and stress of the holidays onto that, it can be even more difficult. We may find ourselves snapping at others. We might experience emotional reactions that are out of proportion to what\u2019s actually happening in the moment. It\u2019s important to understand these are reactions born out of trauma. If we overract in the moment, we should acknowledge the overreaction<\/a> and apologize to anyone who bore the brunt of it.<\/p>\n

Missing Toxic People<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s one thing to realize we\u2019re in a toxic environment. It\u2019s another thing to leave that environment behind. Untangling yourself from a toxic religious environment can be painful and isolating. When your main source of community is your church, and you leave that church, you wind up losing your community as well. Just because you can\u2019t be around some of those people anymore (because you made a choice to remove yourself or because they made a choice to shun you for not toeing the line), doesn\u2019t mean you won\u2019t miss them. The holidays can bring this sense of loneliness to the surface, even if you\u2019ve been coping fairly well the rest of the year.<\/p>\n

How to Observe Christmas<\/h3>\n

You can observe Christmas in whatever way is healthiest for you. You don\u2019t have to cave to other people\u2019s demands. You don\u2019t have to see anyone who has hurt you. You don\u2019t have to go anywhere that would cause you pain.<\/p>\n

If you have children, and you\u2019re trying to balance your own mental well-being with your children\u2019s enjoyment, remember that this is just one<\/em> Christmas out of many. If moving an elf around your house is going to cause you additional stress, just don\u2019t do it. Make sure you aren\u2019t putting too much pressure on yourself. Don\u2019t worry about what other families are doing. Do what\u2019s healthiest for you and yours.<\/p>\n

Sign up with your email or follow me on\u00a0Instagram<\/a>,\u00a0Twitter<\/a>, or\u00a0Facebook<\/a>\u00a0to chat with me and keep up with new posts.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

My memoir, Act Normal: Memoir of a Stumbling Block<\/strong><\/em><\/a>, is on sale this week for $1.99.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Amazon Reviewers said:<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI could not put this book down. I honestly read it in one sitting, but it stayed with me long\u00a0after.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAn eye-opening narrative of what you get when the devastating effects of the objectification of women are multiplied by bad theology.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is one of the most honest and gripping stories I have ever read. I am also a trauma survivor and can say that this story will break your heart and build it back up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christmas can be a significant trauma trigger, especially for anyone who has been through religious trauma. If we\u2019re already dealing with PTSD or trying to heal from our trauma, it\u2019s not surprising the holiday season could affect us. Dealing with Difficult Memories People tend to get nostalgic around Christmas. We may find ourselves reflecting on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3634,"featured_media":1528,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,54,10,111,82],"tags":[120,117,57,13,16,63,19,96,60,129,135,84,25,99,69],"class_list":["post-1522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-catholicism","category-christianity","category-church-trauma","category-sexualized-violence","category-suffering","tag-churchtoo","tag-metoo","tag-abuse","tag-catholicism","tag-christianity","tag-church-abuse","tag-church-trauma","tag-ptsd","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-sexual-assault","tag-sexualized-violence","tag-suffering","tag-survivor","tag-trigger","tag-victim"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Christmas is a Trauma Trigger<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Christmas can be a significant trauma trigger, especially for anyone who has been through religious trauma. 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