{"id":1704,"date":"2016-08-23T09:26:25","date_gmt":"2016-08-23T16:26:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/welcometable\/?p=1704"},"modified":"2016-08-23T12:10:58","modified_gmt":"2016-08-23T19:10:58","slug":"have-you-forgotten-part-2-the-danger-of-standing-ovations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/welcometable\/2016\/08\/have-you-forgotten-part-2-the-danger-of-standing-ovations\/","title":{"rendered":"Have You Forgotten? Part 2 – The Danger of Standing Ovations"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"winter's<\/a>
Not me, but another actress portraying Hermione. From a BYU production<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

No one is more hungry for applause than someone who questions their fundamental worth.<\/p>\n

One of my activities as a young teen was inventing schmaltzy dramas and acting them out\u2013alone, of course.\u00a0 Oh goodness, it would have been a disaster if anyone had seen me! Many of my dramas ended in tears.\u00a0 It was a good way to get out my emotions and to (unwittingly) rehearse for a life of acting.<\/p>\n

My first opportunity was in tenth grade, when I played \u201cVillager 2\u201d in The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail<\/em>.\u00a0 I progressed by eleventh grade and was cast as Princess # 13 in Once Upon a Mattress.<\/em><\/p>\n

But when I was a senior, I got two dynamite roles.\u00a0 I was Mrs. Webb in Our Town<\/em>, and I was Hermione in Shakespeare\u2019s A Winter\u2019s Tale<\/em>.\u00a0 At the end of the year, I was named Best Actress.\u00a0 I got my Sally Field moment of \u201cYou like me! You really like me!\u201d\u00a0 And I got a standing ovation.<\/p>\n

Oh my.<\/p>\n

That was it.\u00a0 I had emerged from my self doubts.\u00a0 I was an actress, and I would study acting at BYU.<\/p>\n

There, I received dangerous compliments.\u00a0 The worst was this: \u201cYou\u2019re the only one at BYU who has a chance to go pro and actually make it!\u201d\u00a0 Oh, the heady fantasy that one brought!\u00a0 Yes, I was bound to be famous.<\/p>\n

An emmy-award winner, Tad Danielewsky, joined the BYU faculty, to our awe.\u00a0 The sight of him\u2013a slim, sharp-nosed Polish man\u2013was complete intimidation.\u00a0 I was in the presence of someone who had worn a tux at a big awards ceremony and had won a trophy!<\/p>\n

The big announcement came after his first year.\u00a0 There would be an elite acting class\u2013by audition only.\u00a0 Those who made it into Mr. Danielwsky\u2019s class would receive his personal training for hours a day.<\/p>\n

Oh, how I worked on my audition!\u00a0 Funny that I can\u2019t remember what scene I did with Actor John.\u00a0 But I felt good about our performance\u2013and nervous.<\/p>\n

We had to wait for several days.\u00a0 I would see the other auditioners around campus, and we would report on what we had seen, and what we hadn\u2019t.\u00a0 We hadn\u2019t yet seen the list of those who had been accepted into this exclusive club.<\/p>\n

At a grocery store on the fourth day, I saw one of my fellow actors.\u00a0 The list was up.\u00a0 He had made it!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t ask if he had seen my name\u2013it was too scary.\u00a0 He volunteered it anyway.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t remember seeing your name, Maggie.\u00a0 But it might be on there!\u201d<\/p>\n

I dashed directly to the HFAC (BYU Art Center) board to find my fate.\u00a0 I knew my name would be there.\u00a0 I was, after all, \u201cthe only one at BYU with a chance to go pro.\u201d Other excited actors were crowded around the list and I had to inch my name forward.<\/p>\n

My adrenaline surged. I looked.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I looked again.\u00a0 Had I missed it?\u00a0 My name had to be there!<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t even explain what happened then.\u00a0 I simply broke.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

A week later, I announced that I was leaving home.\u00a0 I had hoped to go directly to New York to prove myself on Broadway, but Mom decided I needed to try Denver first\u2013where my uncle and his family lived.<\/p>\n

I could not even gather the courage to tell my parents what had happened.\u00a0 It was unthinkable.\u00a0 I was NOT one of the chosen.\u00a0 I was NOT good enough.\u00a0 What did this mean?\u00a0 What did I have left?<\/p>\n

I was about to begin a disastrous adventure, and I was in danger, far more than I realized.<\/p>\n

For the second time in my life (the first time being when I was an infant), my father gave me a blessing.\u00a0 He knew that I was unhappy, but I had not told him or anyone what had happened.\u00a0 All I remember is that he laid his hands on my head, blessed me, and wept.\u00a0 I had never seen my father weep before.\u00a0 He must have known that I was wounded in a way so private I could not even articulate it.\u00a0 He must have sensed that he was powerless to fix whatever was so deeply wrong.<\/p>\n

I did stupid things in Denver\u2013and, consistent with my habit of staying alone and eating candy\u2013I gained a lot of weight.\u00a0 Dad visited me and let me know that my weight gain was noticeable.\u00a0 And I finally told him what had happened, that I had not been accepted in the one thing which was meant to define and to prepare me for my acting life.\u00a0 Dad pondered the information and then said, \u201cI think he simply didn\u2019t notice you.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t see you.\u201d<\/p>\n

I decided to return to Provo.\u00a0 Of course, there was a significant problem.\u00a0 I was fat.\u00a0 So, I did the thing that any of us who has been on a diet since puberty would do.\u00a0 I lived on Diet Dr. Pepper for a month. No food.\u00a0 Just pop.<\/p>\n

I lost thirty pounds, but looked swollen.\u00a0\u00a0 My mom\u2019s face fell when she saw me, and I knew that I had become monstrous.<\/p>\n

After I finally returned to the HFAC\u2013nervous that anyone would see me\u2013someone asked if people recognized me.<\/p>\n

I was lost, utterly lost.\u00a0 How could I even audition anymore? Did people see me and say, \u201cThat\u2019s Maggie.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t make it.\u00a0 And look at how fat she got!\u201d<\/p>\n

I did return to acting, and to writing, and even completed my bachelor\u2019s degree-ingloriously.\u00a0 I entered unwisely into a terrible marriage, which need not be detailed.\u00a0 The man I married was full of anger from many things, and he genuinely thought he could control it in our marriage.\u00a0 He was wrong.\u00a0 I genuinely thought that my love would calm him and even heal him.\u00a0 I was wrong.<\/p>\n

I entered into another circle of failure.\u00a0 I got divorced, something which my family simply did not do.\u00a0 But\u00a0 I seemed uniquely talented at failing.<\/p>\n

Things started to change when I met Bruce Young, a good and gentle man.\u00a0\u00a0 I had little self-confidence, and he was also insecure, but we were in it together.<\/p>\n

I did continue getting awards and applause\u2013this time for my writing.\u00a0 But I was starting to realize that awards are pretty irrelevant and can even distract us from \u201cthe better part\u201d of our lives.<\/p>\n

So one day in the temple, I asked God to give me something to do with my talents which would actually matter.\u00a0 A few months later, when Bruce gave me a blessing, he said \u201cYou will be given an assignment in which to use your talents.\u201d\u00a0 I spoke about that blessing and the assignment here .<\/a><\/p>\n

My solid belief now is that no talent is superior to another, that in fact some of the more visible talents can be seductive and lead us to egoism.\u00a0 Of course, great talent blesses everyone.\u00a0 Karl Heinz Schnibbe, who had been in a prisoner of war camp in Siberia, returned to his family a bitter man, someone his uncle referred to as \u201ca wild man.\u201d\u00a0 The uncle took him to an organ concert, and something returned to life in Karl Heinz as the music swelled.\u00a0 In the end, he was weeping.\u00a0 The music had begun his healing. \"richards_studio2(small)\"<\/a><\/p>\n

That organist likely knew nothing of that one audience member, but every scale he ever played, ever repetition of a measure, every minute of his practice was rewarded because the music began someone\u2019s healing from years of abuse.<\/p>\n

Surely that is a primary reason for our talents.\u00a0 We are to bring everyone together in some kind of healing. We can tell stories which will sound too familiar to the hearers, who might recognize their need for repentance.\u00a0 We can compose music which will communicate something divine, or simply peace to our audience.\u00a0 We can offer art work as a comfort and an inspiration.<\/p>\n

My focus on my talents was not surprising, but it was dangerous. Before I could recover my unimpeded love of life and of others\u2013I still did not trust others to love me\u2013I had to find a firm foundation.\u00a0 Good acting and good writing are gifts which require refinement, but they are certainly no foundation.\u00a0 We often compliment artists in various fields with the words, \u201cYou have a gift!\u201d But obviously, gifts are meant to be given.\u00a0 Part of my personal growth was to lay my talents on the altar of faith and ask God to use them. To focus on the talents themselves as evidence of my worth would be a form of idolatry.<\/p>\n

I rely on the talents of others for my own healing.\u00a0 Art has the power to transport me to deep contemplation and even awe.\u00a0 Music is vital to my life, and when I am really struggling, I put on Christmas music, and I don\u2019t care what others think. A good film or story will always tickle my own creative impulses and will often lead me to a creative work of my own. Good thinkers inspire good thoughts\u2013especially if they can express themselves respectfully.\u00a0 If they use their intellectual gifts like crusaders\u2019 swords, their gifts might become harmful.\u00a0 They cut down when they are actually called to edify.<\/p>\n

I continue to learn to appreciate others\u2019 talents, which are sometimes less visible than mine.\u00a0 They understand structure\u2013which seems to elude me.\u00a0 They are organized.\u00a0 Some have a gift of healing and seem to always be at peace.\u00a0 Some can understand math or chemistry or bio-engineering.<\/p>\n

Part of my remembering who I am is recognizing that I am one of many contributors to a community, where all present their talents for the benefit of all.\u00a0 We humans are all about community\u2013family, friends, school, church.\u00a0 The truth is, I find it easy to withdraw from social settings, and that is perhaps my greatest challenge.\u00a0 I am far too comfortable in an isolated space.\u00a0 But I am certain that our communal bonding is more important than we have imagined.\u00a0 I suspect that all of us will offer our life stories beyond this world and have communal understanding which will go beyond what any of us could come up with individually.\u00a0 We will realize that we are US, and that the solipsistic life has firm borders, whereas the life shared generously and lovingly with others \u201cexpand[s] our borders forever\u201d (Moroni 10:32)<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No one is more hungry for applause than someone who questions their fundamental worth. One of my activities as a young teen was inventing schmaltzy dramas and acting them out\u2013alone, of course.\u00a0 Oh goodness, it would have been a disaster if anyone had seen me! Many of my dramas ended in tears.\u00a0 It was a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1301,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[315,314,313],"class_list":["post-1704","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-acting","tag-gifts","tag-talents"],"yoast_head":"\nHave You Forgotten? Part 2 - The Danger of Standing Ovations<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"No one is more hungry for applause than someone who questions their fundamental worth. 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