{"id":2013,"date":"2017-08-10T10:45:50","date_gmt":"2017-08-10T16:45:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/whatgodwantsforyourlife\/?p=2013"},"modified":"2017-08-10T10:51:56","modified_gmt":"2017-08-10T16:51:56","slug":"yes-ing-next-generation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/whatgodwantsforyourlife\/2017\/08\/yes-ing-next-generation\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cYes, And-ing\u201d the Next Generation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"ID-100178839\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Note:<\/p>\n

The following guest article is by my friend, Ashley Mowers. \u00a0I invited Ashley to respond to last week\u2019s article on generational differences for reasons that will be immediately obvious. \u00a0Ashley is Community Life Architect at\u00a0National Institute for Community \u2013 Community Life Program<\/a>. \u00a0She is also an adjunct professor at Judson University and she begins working on a Doctor of Philosophy at\u00a0St. Andrews University in Scotland next autumn. \u00a0You can follow Ashley at any of the following:<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/MinMaxPod\/<\/a><\/p>\n

https:\/\/twitter.com\/minmaxpod<\/a><\/p>\n

https:\/\/twitter.com\/deedee_k<\/a><\/p>\n

Last Tuesday The Rev. Dr. Frederick W. Schmidt wrote a piece on changing the way generational differences are approached<\/a>. I was grateful for his thoughts, especially after too many think-pieces aimed at burning rather than building bridges. Something that continues to stick out to me regarding inter-generational interactions aren\u2019t so much differences of perspective, however, but rather varying levels of willingness to demonstrate respect and patience from older generations to younger generations. What I would like to do is combine Father Fred\u2019s first and fifth points into a larger thought about communication.<\/p>\n

I teach communications courses to college students, so it\u2019s inevitable that I would entirely agree that patient listening and observation are critical to \u201cbridge the generational divide.\u201d It\u2019s lesson #1 I give my students: Communication is, first and foremost, audience-centered. I first encountered this perspective as phrased through the work of Steven A. Beebe\u00a0and\u00a0Susan J. Beebe, whose book The Public Speaking Handbook is the textbook I use in my own public speaking class. While it\u2019s simple in concept, it\u2019s remarkably difficult to put into practice, especially if one feels they have earned the right not to.<\/p>\n

I consistently push my students to identify their audiences and learn how to communicate with them in mind. It\u2019s an excruciatingly sacrificial practice, but increasingly important in times of great fear and stress. I would say it is inherently Christ-like to put aside my own agenda to better understand and value my counterpart. While I have yet to hear anyone disagree with me outright on the validity of this, I very rarely see this demonstrated by those in positions of power, comfort, or privilege. They may agree with the idea enthusiastically, but because they imagine themselves in the place of being wronged, rather than wrong-doer. (Speck, meet plank.) I\u2019ve made this mistake time and time again. It is incredibly easy to do. Of course, when you successfully do so, the person across the table from you is most determinedly not reciprocating.<\/p>\n

For example, I had once attended a dinner in which someone at the table despaired about the \u201cextension of adolescence\u201d and \u201clack of maturity.\u201d The rest of our company emphatically agreed, leaving my husband and I feeling dismissed and betrayed. These were the same people that had previously waved away my fear about being seen as a \u201clazy millennial.\u201d (I was told that they \u201ccould tell which ones were the good ones.\u201d) We both found ourselves stuck in an exhausted silence. While I wish I had willed myself into asking them for clarification, gently requested evidence, or where this fear came from, I also exceedingly wish they had considered their audience, or at least considered us a part of it.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, younger generations are given space to provide a counter-point.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we\u2019re looked at expectantly, as if we will be the rare \u201cgood ones\u201d that will validate their fears, bemoaning our own generation.<\/p>\n

And then, sometimes, they don\u2019t look at us at all.<\/p>\n

There are, of course, those who manage to successfully navigate relationships with their youngers. When Father Fred responded to my observation about the piece on literacy, he recognized my opinion, validated* it, and followed it up with an additional, parallel observation. In improv, this would be called \u201cyes, and-ing.\u201d<\/p>\n

If applied exclusively, it\u2019s hardly a productive method for all conversations, it invites and facilitates participation from all present, not just yourself. Instead of seeing youngers as adversaries, \u201cyes, and-ing\u201d allows for an equitable pursuit of healthy understanding.<\/p>\n

Of course, not all conversations involve agreeable topics. Consider the following steps:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. 1. Do you agree with your conversation partner? \u201cYes, and,\u201d them.<\/li>\n
  2. 2. Do you disagree? Ask a question for clarification, the follow up with why you may or may not agree, still leaving open the possibility that you may be, in fact, wrong.<\/li>\n
  3. 3. Are you confused? Try to clear things up. Respond with some active listening skills: resort, rephrase, repeat. \u201cWhat I\u2019m hearing you say is\u2026\u201d and rephrase what you\u2019ve heard using your own words. This helps clear up any potentially damaging miscommunication.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    If you still feel like there is something corrective that needs to be said, consider the process of self-analysis I use before speaking:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. 1. Does this need to be said?<\/li>\n
    2. 2. Does this need to be said by me?<\/li>\n
    3. 3. Does this need to be said by me right now?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Again, this may seem like common sense. Yet I am continually astounded by those who decide against it. A lot of millennials are fatigued by the constant series of \u201clovingly corrective\u201d conversations that only go one way. Countless are the times that James 1:19-20 has been used to silence me, only so I may have the privilege of enduring another lecture about how my generation is killing [insert industry here]. If our priorities and values confuse you, (which according to this study<\/span><\/a>, they shouldn\u2019t) ask us! According to a 2010 Pew Research Center study, Millennials are the most connected and flexible generation to date. We love new perspectives; we just don\u2019t want to be force-fed.<\/p>\n

      So please, quit with the hot takes. Enough with the snide remarks and the general fear that we don\u2019t suffer enough. We want relationship with you. We just don\u2019t want relationship at the cost of dignity. No one generation is more problem than person.<\/p>\n

      * To clarify, \u201cvalidate\u201d does not always mean \u201cto agree with.\u201d It can also mean \u201cto support the value of.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Note: The following guest article is by my friend, Ashley Mowers. \u00a0I invited Ashley to respond to last week\u2019s article on generational differences for reasons that will be immediately obvious. \u00a0Ashley is Community Life Architect at\u00a0National Institute for Community \u2013 Community Life Program. \u00a0She is also an adjunct professor at Judson University and she begins […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":240,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2460,2463,2462,2457],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2013","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gen-x","category-generational-differences","category-generations","category-millennials"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cYes, And-ing\u201d the Next Generation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Note: The following guest article is by my friend, Ashley Mowers. \u00a0I 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