here<\/a>!<\/p>\nMissional Pastoring Head Rattles<\/strong><\/em>: By Kathy Escobar<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\nI never set out to be a pastor. In all kinds of ways, this way of living came to me. 24 years ago, when I graduated from college, if someone would have told me I\u2019d be a co-pastor of a small, poor missional community, I would have laughed in their face.. I was on the fast track to a successful business career, having finished my master\u2019s degree and in a job that was centered on climbing the corporate ladder. I dreamed of a cushy life where I didn\u2019t have to worry about money and had a lot of people who did my dirty work for me.<\/p>\n
Yeah, God had another plan.<\/p>\n
Through many twists and turns he got hold of my heart, first radically redeeming my own painful story and then giving me a passion to play a part in others\u2019 healing, too.<\/p>\n
About 8 years ago, I entered into full-time pastoral ministry. I had a position on a mega-church staff making good money with nice benefits. I had an administrative assistant and support people who helped make life run smoothly.<\/p>\n
Then, 6 years ago we planted The Refuge, our wild and beautiful faith community that teaches me more than I ever bargained for. Yeah, I don\u2019t have an administrative assistant, a good salary, or \u201call kinds of people to keep my life running smoothly.\u201d In fact, it\u2019s about as far from that as I can possibly imagine\u2013terrible salary, no benefits, and far more needs than resources.<\/p>\n
But it\u2019s also more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also been one of the hardest things I have ever done.<\/p>\n
Missional\/incarnational pastoring has required me to give my heart in ways I wasn\u2019t used to giving. It has required me to have trust that I wasn\u2019t used to having. It has forced me to let go of things I used to tightly grip. It\u2019s caused me to go a little crazy and become a little more sane.<\/p>\n
These are some of the things that rattle around in my head a lot as a missional pastor: (I am guessing some of you can relate).<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cHow in the $*#^!%@! did I end up here?\u201d \u2013 Seriously, how did I somehow go from corporate business manager to stay-at-home mommy to poor missional pastor? Even when we started The Refuge, I pictured things so much easier, neater, tidier. I pictured more help, more stability, more all-kinds-of-things. I never imagined this much relationship or this much raw, real life. I never imagined I\u2019d be 45 years old and make less money than I did when I was 21. I never imagined I\u2019d care this much about people and change.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cplease God, please God, please God.\u201d \u2013 Every day I cry out to God on behalf of my friends. I beg. I plead. I question. I pray like a crazy woman. Often, it feels like everywhere I look I see loneliness, doubt, fear, shame, and practical struggles. I have friends who can\u2019t get a break, no matter how hard they try, with systems of injustice bent against them. I often feel desperate for God to show up, to heal, to restore, to move, to do something\u2013anything\u2013that will bring a sliver of hope or peace.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cGod, grant me the serenity\u2026.\u201d The Serenity Prayer saves me over and over again out here. Missional pastoring and unhealthy codependence can easily go hand and hand. Breaking free of controlling others, people pleasing, or having a savior complex is our only hope. Staying in recovery helps me live in that tension in a more healthy way, but it\u2019s always a tricky dance. I continue to learn what it means to accept the things that I can\u2019t change and ask God for courage to change the things I can.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cHow can we get more people to help us?\u201d \u2013 Out of almost everything about the past 6 years, the hardest thing is not having more people to help do the tough, on-going work of extending Christ\u2019s love, mercy & compassion in tangible ways. The people who are part of our community are awesome, so willing to love and help, but the reality is that there have never been enough of us to share the load properly. The needs far outweigh the haves. We long for people who would come stay and really play. And more people who may not be able to be part in-the-flesh but will at least help us fund the work we are doing.<\/p>\n
But despite these things that rattle around in my head about how hard missional\/incarnational pastoring really is, there\u2019s one thought that outweighs them all:<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was one of the prettiest things I\u2019ve ever seen\u201d<\/p>\n
Yeah, I can\u2019t tell you the number of nights I go to bed with a smile on my face, thinking of a holy moment that happened that day\u2013where someone received God\u2019s love through someone else, where hope pierced through the darkness, where dignity was restored, where shame\u2019s power was broken, where love conquered hate, where community won out over isolation.<\/p>\n
Without these moments, I would have walked away a long time ago.<\/p>\n
They are sustaining.<\/p>\n
They are reminders that Jesus heals in all kinds of wild and mysterious ways.<\/p>\n
They keep me going for another day, another month, another year.<\/p>\n
They make this so worth it.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Kathy\u2019s Bio: my life = wild & fun. i co-pastor the refuge, an eclectic beautiful faith community in north denver, juggle 5 kids & an awesome husband who has a bunch of jobs, too. i\u2019m an advocate for friends in hard places, a trained spiritual director (one who\u2019s a little on the loud side) & […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1124,"featured_media":861,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[14,83,142,145,160,163,242,267,291,300,301,303,479,502,515],"class_list":["post-860","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-featured","tag-whiskeypreacher","tag-brite-divinity","tag-disciples-of-christ","tag-dmergent","tag-emergenet-church","tag-emerging-church","tag-kathy-escobar","tag-love","tag-minister","tag-missional","tag-missional-church","tag-missional-pastoring","tag-tcu","tag-the-refuge","tag-transform"],"yoast_head":"\n
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