![\"\"](\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0uPSljNE9f4\/SDlijUBaPTI\/AAAAAAAAABQ\/HXdV2FrGTcA\/s1600-h\/Bodhidharma.jpg\")
<\/a>Today we finished sesshin (literally, \u201cgathering the heart\u201d), a Zen-style retreat with 13 forty-minute sittings, formal meals, service, etc. I\u2019ve been doing this practice pretty regularly, usually monthly, for over 30 years. My oh my (pat on the back). I think of Leonard Cohen\u2019s line \u201cDeath is old but its always new.\u201d So too sesshin. Now I sit with a small group and sometimes alone. After 30 years, I can heartily say, sesshin is a wonderful lifestyle. Here\u2019s a few other reflections so as to include you, blog reader, in the gathering.<\/p>\n1. We begin each sesshin with the Full Moon Ceremony. It includes the Formless Atonement, Ten Names of Buddha, Great Vows, Dogen\u2019s Words on the Precepts, and the Refuges. It seems to me now that Formless Atonement is more about how to practice now than wiping the slate clean of any past wrongdoings. The karma from those actions may well appear as a big dog that bites us on the butt no matter how devotedly we pray. The Atonement verse teaches us how to meet the dog.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll my past and harmful karma
born from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion
through body, speech, and mind
I now fully avow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Avowing, taking full responsibility, comes with a clear, open heart. Shame, blame, and denial all arise from various types of disturbed mind \u2013 we include them in the circle of the Way, for sure, and they have their own virtuous qualities. However, shame, blame, and denial are distinct from taking responsibility.<\/p>\n
2. Bodhidharma (see above photo from TransformingThroughPlayTemple\u2019s zendo) looks like one rough guy, doesn\u2019t he? However, he comes with the gentle characters \u201cBuddha Heart\u201d in the upper left. I heard recently that his teacher, Prajnatara, may have been a woman. According to unreliable Zen lore, Bodhidharma came to China fifteen hundred years ago and was uncompromising with Emperor Wu and later with his small rag-tag band of students (including Wu\u2019s daughter, Zongchi). See Sallie Tisdale\u2019s Woman of the Way<\/span> for a compelling retelling of the story from Zongchi\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n From any perspective, Bodhidharma\u2019s circumstances and our circumstances are different. Still \u2026 his reputed unwavering authenticity inspires me still \u2013 even sometimes on the second day of sesshin (the hardest part of the journey according to unreliable Zen lore) when most of grosser forms of bullshit have burned away.<\/p>\n 3. \u201cThe hardest part\u201d ain\u2019t as hard as it used to be. Usually, not hard at all (knock on wood). Yet, it seems to take most of us many years of practice to settle and soften. Despite my notions of specialness, apparent breakthroughs, and periods of utter bliss, probably took ten years of frequent sesshin for me to settle somewhat and twenty more to soften a little. From this experience, I don\u2019t believe in spiritual shortcuts \u2013 although I still keep my eye out for them just in case. Paths I found along the way that I thought were shortcuts, almost always went the wrong way.<\/p>\n But hold up, some gross forms of bullshit have slipped back in already! What\u2019s this about \u201cwrong ways?\u201d They too are an important part of the so-called Buddha Way. Wu-men\u2019s first two cautions come to mind. \u201cTo maintain standards and follow rules is to tie yourself up without a rope.\u201d AND \u201cTo indulge freely without restraint to to behave like heretics and demons.\u201d<\/p>\n And while I\u2019m into self critique, I would also like to challenge the blogger\u2019s blather about ten-years, twenty-years, thirty-years. It is ridiculous, afterall. Every step of the way has been wonderful, especially through the dark. Especially from the perspective of a little light.<\/p>\n