It\u2019s been rough around here lately.\u00a0 Between too many activities, squeezing my parents for 4 weeks into a house that already felt slightly too tight, and the general emotional chaos of raising a 15, 13 and 11 year old, the words that have been flying in our house are way too salty and way too rude.<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.twogetherexpress.com\/_borders\/appletreecp.gif\")
Of course, apples don\u2019t fall far from the tree, so what should I expect?<\/div>\n
Of course, apples don\u2019t fall far from the tree, so what should I expect?<\/div>\nSometime in my own tweenhood, I paged through my baby book, a white cracking leather album that Mama had stuffed full of photos and mementoes of my early years\u2014our matching wristbands, my dried up umbilical cord, a curled lock of hair from my first haircut, even all the \u201cWelcome to the World\u201d baby cards her friends sent when I was born.<\/div>\n
I noticed a blurb under \u201cTwo year old memories\u201d written in boxy Chinese characters that I couldn\u2019t read despite being forced to take Mandarin by my parents and asked Mama what it said.<\/div>\n
Mama read,\u00a0\u201cOnce when I was scolding Yen-Yen\u00a0<\/em>[my Chinese name and what my family calls me], she looked at me and said, \u2018If you think I\u2019m so bad, why did you have me in the first place?\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
My jaw dropped.\u00a0 \u201cI said that when I was two?\u201d<\/div>\n
She looked at me in triumph and declared, \u201cYou see?\u00a0 You see?\u00a0 This is what I was up against!\u00a0 A two year old who would talk to me like that.\u201d<\/div>\n
Baba walked into the kitchen at that moment.\u00a0 He chuckled, \u201cMama was so furious she told me to get you out of the house!\u00a0 We had to go eat\u00a0jook<\/em>\u00a0with fish balls at Moilili Chop Suey because Mama couldn\u2019t stand being in the same house with you!\u201d<\/div>\n
If my parents rewarded me with\u00a0jook<\/em>\u00a0with fish balls for mouthing off, no wonder I have an inordinate need to express myself and the inability to control my tongue\u2013especially with family.<\/div>\n
Because there\u2019s no higher value in Chinese culture than filial piety\u2013respecting, obeying and revering one\u2019s parents\u2013my parents thought they were raising an American hellion.\u00a0 They were so desperate they even \u201clost face\u201d by meeting with my youth pastor to talk about their juvenile delinquent teen\u2014the same delinquent who led his youth group, didn\u2019t drink, smoke, swear and even gave up dancing for 2 years (until a youth group counselor challenged me with whether I really thought dancing was sinful or if I was creating a holy excuse to avoid the fear of not being asked to dance.\u00a0 Ouch!\u00a0 Gotcha!)<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/withfriendship.com\/images\/h\/35712\/mini-me-2.gif\")
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\nAll 3 of my kids take after me in their unflagging needs to express themselves and\u00a0challenge parental authority.\u00a0 The noise, conflict and chaos that ensue are overwhelming.\u00a0 If Mama thought I was bad, now she\u2019s staying in a household with 3 mini-me\u2019s and the daughter who started it all.<\/div>\n
My husband and I tried to re-set the family a couple weeks ago.\u00a0 We met with each kid individually and started by confessing what we\u2019ve done wrong, then progressed to explaining new consequences for misbehavior, including soap in the mouth for saying \u201cShut up\u201d and worse.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s child abuse, maybe it\u2019s a little too late for this punishment when 2 out of 3 kids tower over me and could take me down if they wanted, but we were desperate and had no better ideas.<\/div>\n
Yesterday, when I picked two kids up\u2014an incredibly loving act on my part because they\u2019re supposed to walk home from school, but it was raining\u2014they jumped in the car and immediately began slamming one another. \u00a0Inevitably, a kid said \u201cShut up!\u201d<\/div>\n
I sighed.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to go home and get soap in your mouth.\u201d<\/div>\n
This child protested, claiming the other had said shut up about 5 times in the morning when I was at the gym.\u00a0 Squabbling and tattling and arguing at high volume almost took the roof off our 2001 Corolla.\u00a0 I just couldn\u2019t take it.<\/div>\n
\u201cShut up you two!\u201d\u00a0 I yelled.<\/div>\n
Gulp.\u00a0 Did I say apples don\u2019t fall far from the tree?<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/di1-4.shoppingshadow.com\/images\/pi\/38\/0a\/af\/34433693-260x260-0-0_Dove+Dove+Cool+Moisture+Bar+Soap+Cucumber+and+Gree.jpg\")
So I put Dove Cucumber & Green tea in my mouth.\u00a0 My child rushed to the sink and slurped some liquid hand soap before I could dictate the flavor.\u00a0 Eew!\u00a0 Much more soap to taste bud ratio there.<\/div>\n
So I put Dove Cucumber & Green tea in my mouth.\u00a0 My child rushed to the sink and slurped some liquid hand soap before I could dictate the flavor.\u00a0 Eew!\u00a0 Much more soap to taste bud ratio there.<\/div>\nThe other child, who I didn\u2019t punish in an attempt to dissuade tattling, jumped around in glee and then complained that I didn\u2019t keep the soap in my mouth long enough.\u00a0 I pointed out that extended soap in the mouth has been the result of screaming and yelling more salty and inappropriate words in the process of getting punished. I cooperated.<\/div>\n
Soap may not clean the words in our home\u2014after all Jesus says it\u2019s our dirty insides that are the problem.\u00a0 But there\u2019s one thing I can tell you\u2014jook<\/em>\u00a0with fish balls taste a whole lot better than Dove Cucumber and Green tea.<\/div>\n
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Yesterday I got soap in my mouth. It\u2019s been rough around here lately.\u00a0 Between too many activities, squeezing my parents for 4 weeks into a house that already felt slightly too tight, and the general emotional chaos of raising a 15, 13 and 11 year old, the words that have been flying in our house […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n