\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThen when you can\u2019t give her attention, you can remind her that you will have special time later in the day.\u201d\nWell I didn\u2019t do it. \u00a0<\/span>And it wasn\u2019t like Ling wanted any time with me\u2014she coped with a new sibling by ignoring me for an entire month\u2014wouldn\u2019t look me in the eye, wouldn\u2019t let me hug her, wouldn\u2019t let me do anything for her at all. \u00a0<\/span>\u201cNo!\u00a0 <\/span>Grandma or Daddy!\u201d she\u2019d insist, head down, averting her gaze. <\/p><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
After she started talking with me again, I was so overwhelmed with 2 kids that I didn\u2019t even try to make special time. \u00a0<\/span>I never could figure out how to stagger their schedules enough for time alone with a kid\u2014especially when I was doggedly attempting to keep their nap schedules synchronized so I could work my job during each afternoon nap.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
My pediatrician\u2019s words haunted me for years to come.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
All that changed 6 years ago when I realized the girls were old enough to be left and I could take advantage of the \u201cbabysitting\u201d Ren\u2019s tae kwon do classes provided.\u00a0 <\/span>From then on, once a week, each kid got 50 minutes of \u201cspecial time.\u201d <\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
99% of the time, I buy them a treat.\u00a0 <\/span>Occasionally, a kid wants to do \u201cDance Dance Revolution\u201d or be taken to Staples\u2014but even then, they still want a treat.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Whole Foods has been a favorite haunt because the gelato\u2019s delicious, cheap, and there\u2019s nothing better than free snacks scattered around the store.\u00a0 <\/span>We scavenge our way through fruits, then cheese, then sidle to the meat case to see if there\u2019s sausage, then around to seafood (where there\u2019s always smoked salmon dip with crackers these days), then to dessert, and finally back to gelato where we sample at least 2 flavors before ordering.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Then I buy gelato for the kid but not myself because soon into our \u201cspecial time\u201d routine I learned that my waistline can\u2019t take 3 extra desserts a week.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Most of the time the kids just want the treat.\u00a0 <\/span>They look forward to special time and ask for special time because they want something sweet and delicious.\u00a0 <\/span>Most of the time the conversation\u2019s pretty superficial, and they\u2019re ready to head out as soon as the treat\u2019s consumed.\u00a0 <\/span>But every now and then we have a deep conversation, one where I\u2019m able to hear my kid really share. \u00a0Even rarer, sometimes a kid actually wants some of my input.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Yesterday, Kai called me on her way home from cross-country announcing that she had very little homework and was available for special time.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t know if I can,\u201d I said, \u201cI have to walk 2 miles to the auto shop and pick up Dad\u2019s car before 5:30.\u00a0 <\/span>You could walk with me and then we could get a treat after.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
To my surprise, she agreed.\u00a0 <\/span>So we walked and chatted and when I asked, \u201cHow\u2019s cross-country going?\u201d a stream of conversation started that lasted for the next 25 minutes.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
I think I like \u201cwalking\u201d special time better than \u201ctreat\u201d special time\u2014there\u2019s not much to do other than talk when you walk.\u00a0 <\/span>Plus I get more steps on my Fitbit<\/a>.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n\u00a0And feel less guilty when we have cannoli at the end.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Back when Kai-Kai\u00a0was born, my pediatrician told me I needed to have \u201cspecial time\u201d with 2 year old Ling-Ling\u2014time set aside just for her even if it was only 10 minutes a day.\u00a0 \u201cThen when you can\u2019t give her attention, you can remind her that you will have special time later in the day.\u201d Well […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/a><\/div>\n