{"id":48,"date":"2012-09-26T13:05:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-26T13:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/09\/sex-and-superglue-talking-with-kids-in-a-hook-up-culture\/"},"modified":"2012-09-26T13:05:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-26T13:05:00","slug":"sex-and-superglue-talking-with-kids-in-a-hook-up-culture","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/09\/sex-and-superglue-talking-with-kids-in-a-hook-up-culture\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex and Superglue: Talking with Kids in a Hook-Up Culture"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/p>\n

I was a virgin when I got married at the ripe old age (back then) of 28.\u00a0 I\u2019ve kissed fewer men than the fingers on one hand.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have a \u201cserious\u201d boyfriend until graduate school.\u00a0 And for all those sexless, boyfriend-less, not being the sought-after-object-of-mens\u2019 desires years, I felt pitiable, like a loser.\u00a0 Even though Jesus was my boyfriend and I staunchly wanted to be a woman whose self-esteem didn\u2019t rest on how men regarded me, it was hard.<\/div>\n
Now my personal history feels even more foolish in light of Hanna Rosin\u2019s\u00a0Atlantic<\/em>article\u00a0Boys on the Side<\/a>\u00a0about how the practice of hooking up, rather than something to be derided, actually empowers women. \u00a0As Rosin writes:<\/div>\n
\n
The most patient and thorough research about the hookup culture shows that over the long run, women benefit greatly from living in a world where they can have sexual adventure without commitment or all that much shame, and where they can enter into temporary relation\u00adships that don\u2019t get in the way of future success.<\/em><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
I\u2019m not going to argue with her assumptions (read\u00a0Amy Julia Becker<\/a>) or her use of studies (even though my inner sociologist cringes).\u00a0 Instead, let\u2019s talk about emotional and spiritual damage, not to mention risk of pregnancy, disease and abuse.<\/div>\n
Rosin seems to believe, as does our larger culture, that sex is a purely biological act with no emotional or spiritual overtones, a biological and necessary need.\u00a0 She justifies that hooking up doesn\u2019t seem to get in the way of intimacy, citing<\/div>\n
\"\"\u00a0one study of college seniors where 75% of students hooked up an average of 7.9 times, but 74% also reported having a relationship in college that lasted at least six months.<\/div>\n
Can I say that measuring capacity for intimacy by how long a relationship lasts lacks nuance?<\/div>\n
My pastor Dave Schmelzer gives the best analogy I\u2019ve heard for the power of sex\u2014one I use with my kids often\u2014so often they can almost chant it each time the topic of sex comes up.<\/div>\n
Imagine that you\u2019re a sheet of cardboard.\u00a0 Sex is like superglue that glues 2 pieces of cardboard together\u2014very helpful if your hope and goal is to be bonded to one person in marriage for the rest of your life.<\/div>\n
Now imagine what happens when you rip 2 super-glued sheets apart.\u00a0 Chunks of my cardboard are stuck on the other sheet, leaving holes, wrinkles, and tears, while chunks of the other person\u2019s cardboard are now permanently stuck on me. \u00a0Then imagine super-gluing your wrinkled sheet of cardboard repeatedly with various other pieces of cardboard.\u00a0 After 7.9 of those sticks and rips, how\u2019s your cardboard going to look?<\/div>\n
I firmly believe that Jesus can and does heal the worst of emotional and spiritual damage\u2013that even if your cardboard has been through 79 sticks and rips, God can heal and make whole what\u2019s been broken.<\/div>\n
But I\u2019d rather my kids not have to go through the pain of being ripped apart. \u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019d rather them go through as much of life as possible whole. \u00a0Even if it means they spend young adulthood feeling like losers.<\/div>\n
This was first published on What She Said<\/i><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was a virgin when I got married at the ripe old age (back then) of 28.\u00a0 I\u2019ve kissed fewer men than the fingers on one hand.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have a \u201cserious\u201d boyfriend until graduate school.\u00a0 And for all those sexless, boyfriend-less, not being the sought-after-object-of-mens\u2019 desires years, I felt pitiable, like a loser.\u00a0 Even […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-48","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nSex and Superglue: Talking with Kids in a Hook-Up Culture<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I was a virgin when I got married at the ripe old age (back then) of 28.  I\u2019ve kissed fewer men than the fingers on one hand.  I didn\u2019t have a\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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