{"id":52,"date":"2012-08-07T08:56:00","date_gmt":"2012-08-07T08:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/08\/wedded-bliss-and-misses-19-years-and-counting\/"},"modified":"2012-08-07T08:56:00","modified_gmt":"2012-08-07T08:56:00","slug":"wedded-bliss-and-misses-19-years-and-counting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/08\/wedded-bliss-and-misses-19-years-and-counting\/","title":{"rendered":"Wedded Bliss. . . And Misses. 19 Years and Counting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
\"\"<\/a>19 years ago today, Scott and I promised one another to love, honor, and cherish until death do us part.<\/div>\n
10 years ago today, Scott took me to dinner and proposed that we renew our vows on our 10th<\/sup>anniversary. \u00a0In the meantime, we\u2019d go back into marriage counseling (for the 5th<\/sup>\u00a0time) and do everything we could to work on our marriage so that we\u2019d actually want to renew our vows.<\/div>\n
To put it mildly, our first ten years of marriage were challenging.\u00a0\u00a0 We were known as \u201cthe conflictual couple,\u201d\u00a0<\/strong>the couple voted least likely to succeed, the couple who had a friend scornfully tell us \u201cI\u2019ll never have a marriage like yours.\u201d<\/div>\n
We loved each other and we loved God.\u00a0 We bore 3 children, and wanted things to improve for their sakes as well as ours.\u00a0 So we kept trying, and working, and trying and working. \u00a0And 10 years ago today, we rolled up our sleeves to work harder.<\/div>\n
<\/span>\n
Frankly, marriage counseling for the 5th<\/sup>\u00a0time, although helpful, was no cure.<\/div>\n
The big turnaround came 2 weeks before our 10th<\/sup>\u00a0anniversary, when we spent a week at a marriage ministry called Cana.\u00a0 Somehow, through prayer, sharing, listening, and more prayer (after a deep dive the first half of the week that made us wonder if we had made things worse), God stepped in and finally gave us the ability to forgive and release old hurts and grudges.<\/div>\n
Since then, although we by no means have the perfect marriage, we have a marriage that\u2019s about 85-90% reconciled.\u00a0 Can I say how much easier it is to live in a reconciled marriage?<\/div>\n
3 weeks ago, Scott and I were asked to preach on marriage at our church.\u00a0 Here, in brief, are our top tips:<\/div>\n
    \n
  1. Quickly seek help whenever you need it:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>We\u2019ve been in marriage counseling 5 times.\u00a0 We\u2019ve done Living Waters (a relational and sexual inner healing program).\u00a0 We receive regular spiritual direction, and over the years, we\u2019ve splatted our stuff to our friends who\u2019ve been kind enough to mediate.\u00a0 It takes a village to raise a child.\u00a0 It also takes a village to enable healthy marriages.<\/li>\n
  2. Pray Together, Daily if you can:<\/strong>\u00a0 About 7 years into our marriage, after a particularly heinous fight, Scott proposed that we pray every morning when the first person awoke for a minute each, asking God to give our spouse a great day, and then close with the Lord\u2019s prayer.\u00a0 2 minutes of prayer.\u00a0 Pathetic, right?\u00a0 But what felt pathetic to us wasn\u2019t pathetic to God.\u00a0 We trace an upward trajectory starting with our 2 minute prayer practice.<\/li>\n
  3. Just do it! (Make love regularly):\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Marital sex is a spiritual discipline, so keep it the same way you\u2019d keep the Sabbath.\u00a0 Because when we go too long without physical connection, our spouse\u2019s body becomes a stranger, and it becomes embarrassing or difficult to be truly naked with them.<\/li>\n
  4. Give the gift of good communication:\u00a0<\/strong>Give your words as a gift, and receive your spouse\u2019s words as a gift as well.\u00a0 Set apart times to talk and relate to one another\u2014regular date nights, weekends away with no kids, writing letters.\u00a0 Make it a priority to spend time communicating with your spouse.<\/li>\n
  5. Forgive and reconcile:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Forgiveness is the essence of any successful marriage or relationship because the one thing we know about every marriage is that you have 2 imperfect people who will hurt one another, even when they don\u2019t want to. For those who follow Jesus, we\u2019re commanded to forgive. \u00a0But forgiveness is not reconciliation. With reconciliation it takes two to tango.\u00a0 Reconciliation involves healing and restoring a broken relationship, often to a better and healthier place than it was before. Reconciliation takes the 5 \u201cR\u201ds\u2014recognizing wrongdoing, risking relationship, repenting, relearning the attitudes of Christ, and restitution.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    The title of our sermon was \u201cGod can Transform Marriages, He Transformed Ours!\u201d<\/div>\n
    19 years into this journey, I\u2019m excited for the next 19.<\/div>\n
    (To hear a podcast of our sermon, click\u00a0here<\/a>.\u00a0 Warning, we talk about sex and I use the word \u201cperi-menopause\u201d both of which made our kids visibly squirm in their seats.)<\/div>\n
    You may also be interested in reading:<\/div>\n
    Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth<\/a><\/div>\n
    Why Photo Albums Almost Killed me This Week<\/a><\/div>\n
    My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God<\/a><\/strong><\/div>\n
    Mother\u2019s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want<\/a><\/div>\n
    This was first posted on What She Said<\/i><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    19 years ago today, Scott and I promised one another to love, honor, and cherish until death do us part. 10 years ago today, Scott took me to dinner and proposed that we renew our vows on our 10thanniversary. \u00a0In the meantime, we\u2019d go back into marriage counseling (for the 5th\u00a0time) and do everything we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nWedded Bliss. . . 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