{"id":70,"date":"2012-05-10T12:35:00","date_gmt":"2012-05-10T12:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/"},"modified":"2012-05-10T12:35:00","modified_gmt":"2012-05-10T12:35:00","slug":"chocolatelies-sextruth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/","title":{"rendered":"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/p>\n

<\/a>What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?<\/div>\n
When I was still nursing my 2nd child, I attended a women\u2019s conference with the goal of talking to friends about nurturing my marriage while having zero sex drive.\u00a0 One friend,\u00a0a former missionary in Africa, said, \u201cThat\u2019s why polygamy always made sense to me.\u00a0 If one wife is nursing and has no sex drive, the husband can go to another!\u201d<\/div>\n
I attended the tail end of a workshop on the developmental stages of marriage just in time to hear Marilyn, a wise sage in our ministry, close in prayer and turn to leave.\u00a0 Shoot, I missed it all!\u00a0 And then she returned to the podium, \u201cOne more thing, if you\u2019re not having sex regularly with your husband, your marriage is already in trouble.\u201d<\/div>\n
Whoa. . .<\/div>\n
<\/span>\n
The next morning I sat with Marilyn at breakfast and said, \u201cWow, that was a doozy way to end your talk.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cKathy, I literally felt the Holy Spirit push me.\u00a0 I told Him, \u2018But I closed in prayer!\u2019 but He pushed me back and said I had to speak.\u00a0 Since then, I\u2019ve been approached by about 30 women who say they\u2019re no longer having sex in their marriages, and some haven\u2019t for years.\u201d<\/div>\n
So sex drive or no sex drive, with Marilyn\u2019s advice ringing in my head, I\u2019ve tried to be faithful in nurturing this part of my marriage.<\/div>\n
And sex within our committed marriage covenant has been a very good thing. \u00a0It\u2019s good to be naked and unashamed with my husband. \u00a0Staying comfortable with one another\u2019s body helps us stay comfortable emotionally and spiritually. \u00a0I think of sex with my husband as a spiritual discipline much like observing the Sabbath, a spiritual discipline that enables God to breathe life into our marriage.<\/div>\n
But all that theology doesn\u2019t change how 99.9% of the time I\u2019d still rather eat a hot fudge sundae than have sex, just like 99.9% of the time I\u2019d rather check email than pray.\u00a0 Between peri-menopause, teenage kids, my job, his job, groceries, cooking, chauffering, etc. sex can easily feel like just another obligation and chore.<\/div>\n
Last night, I discussed this ongoing topic with a couple girlfriends.\u00a0 One said, \u201cYou do want sex!\u00a0 You want to be connected with your husband, you want to feel bonded, you want your marriage to grow, you want to make him feel good.\u00a0 You do want it!\u201d<\/div>\n
Yes, but I FEEL my hunger, even lust for chocolate on a daily, sometimes even minute to minute basis, in a way I don\u2019t about sex with my husband.\u00a0 I can spend all day thinking about what chocolate I\u2019ll nibble.\u00a0 My mother-in-law says no one should eat chocolate before lunch, and I generally follow her direction, but that doesn\u2019t stop me from coveting chocolate-almond croissants for breakfast.<\/div>\n
Yet as we talked, I remembered that the actual experience of chocolate often disappoints. \u00a0For all of the anticipation, Trader Joe\u2019s sea salt and turbinado sugar dark chocolate almonds can leave me hollow. \u00a0Sure they taste good, but not mind-blowingly good.\u00a0 And with last swallow, that See\u2019s dark chocolate California brittle didn\u2019t change my life, make me happy or calm my anxiety.<\/div>\n
\u201cHah!\u00a0 Chocolate is the lie!\u201d said my friend, \u201cYou want it but it doesn\u2019t deliver!\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd sex is the truth?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYeah!\u00a0 Sex bonds you with your husband, grows love, brings connection and you feel great afterwards.\u00a0 Sex is the truth!\u201d<\/div>\n
Who knew? A new mantra for marriage and life.<\/div>\n
Chocolate is the lie.\u00a0 Sex is the truth.<\/div>\n
You might also enjoy:<\/strong><\/div>\n
Best Advice I Ever Got<\/a><\/div>\n
Conquering Math One Video at A Time<\/a><\/div>\n
3 Reasons I Work for Money<\/a><\/div>\n
Some Reflections on Raising Hapa-Haole Kids<\/a><\/div>\n
Do You Think Chinese Girls are Pretty?<\/a><\/div>\n
This first appeared on What She Said<\/i><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband? When I was still nursing my 2nd child, I attended a women\u2019s conference with the goal of talking to friends about nurturing my marriage while having zero sex drive.\u00a0 One friend,\u00a0a former missionary […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-70","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nChocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wordy Nerdy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-10T12:35:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/s4.hubimg.com\/u\/1683967_f260.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kathy Tuan-MacLean\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kathy Tuan-MacLean\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/\",\"name\":\"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-05-10T12:35:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-05-10T12:35:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#\/schema\/person\/6c6dda68d7ed6c26af1b35b058709a90\"},\"description\":\"What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/\",\"name\":\"Wordy Nerdy\",\"description\":\"Musings on faith, motherhood and thriving in our multi-cultural modern world\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#\/schema\/person\/6c6dda68d7ed6c26af1b35b058709a90\",\"name\":\"Kathy Tuan-MacLean\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/298d6554af3ccf7dc0d5c597a5c183d2?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/298d6554af3ccf7dc0d5c597a5c183d2?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kathy Tuan-MacLean\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/author\/ktuanmaclean\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth","description":"What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth","og_description":"What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/","og_site_name":"Wordy Nerdy","article_published_time":"2012-05-10T12:35:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/s4.hubimg.com\/u\/1683967_f260.jpg"}],"author":"Kathy Tuan-MacLean","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kathy Tuan-MacLean","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/","name":"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#website"},"datePublished":"2012-05-10T12:35:00+00:00","dateModified":"2012-05-10T12:35:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#\/schema\/person\/6c6dda68d7ed6c26af1b35b058709a90"},"description":"What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/05\/chocolatelies-sextruth\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/","name":"Wordy Nerdy","description":"Musings on faith, motherhood and thriving in our multi-cultural modern world","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#\/schema\/person\/6c6dda68d7ed6c26af1b35b058709a90","name":"Kathy Tuan-MacLean","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/298d6554af3ccf7dc0d5c597a5c183d2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/298d6554af3ccf7dc0d5c597a5c183d2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kathy Tuan-MacLean"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/author\/ktuanmaclean\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1263"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=70"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=70"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=70"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=70"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}