As my kids and I clustered around the kitchen, a child asked me what my core sin was.\u00a0\u00a0 Anyone who knows me knows I\u2019m more than slightly addicted to personality tests\u2014the Myers-Briggs, the DISC, and these days most of all, the Enneagram.\u00a0 My kids have absorbed some of this language, including the Enneagram idea that each of the 9 types have a core sin\u2014basically Dante\u2019s 7 deadly sins:\u00a0 Anger, Pride, Envy, Greed, Gluttony, Lust & Sloth plus Deceit and Fear.<\/p>\n
Before I could answer, the kids filled in the blank, \u201cLosing your temper. . .\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded, \u201cAnger, rage, control\u2014yup that\u2019s me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you think my core sin is?\u201d asked this child.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you really want to know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think you really really want to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do!\u00a0 I do!!\u201d<\/p>\n
Hmmm. . .\u00a0\u00a0 Because my obsession may have more to do with innate narcissism than anything else, I weighed whether I\u2019d be more bothered by her badgering me nonstop or her reaction to an honest answer.\u00a0 I decided to go for the latter.<\/p>\n
\u201cSelf-Absorption.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWHAT????\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSelf-Absorption.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou think I\u2019m self-absorbed?\u00a0 That\u2019s SO NOT my core sin!\u00a0 I can\u2019t believe you think that of me.\u00a0 There isn\u2019t one of my friends who would say that about me\u2014I\u2019m really caring of people at school!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not saying you\u2019re not caring or a good friend at all.\u00a0 The other way to think about self-absorption is vanity.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019M NOT VAIN!\u00a0 I\u2019m really hurt.\u00a0 I can\u2019t believe you think this about me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sigh.\u00a0 Picked the wrong choice.<\/p>\n
Yet this child\u2019s siblings and I couldn\u2019t help hiding our smiles.\u00a0 One even said under their breath, \u201cCase in point.\u201d<\/p>\n
Several days later, the child came back and said, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about it.\u00a0 I think I am really self-absorbed.\u00a0 Maybe it really is my core sin.\u201d<\/p>\n
Only God knows if self-absorption is this child\u2019s core sin.\u00a0 As the mother, believe me, I can think of others.\u00a0 But I\u2019m struck by how hard it was for my child, and for me, to face what\u2019s deeply rotten and broken within us.\u00a0 My spiritual director says the Enneagram is helpful for those who are older, who\u2019ve come to the end of themselves\u2014who find the same broken patterns everywhere they go because in the words of a sage:<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.enneagraminstitute.com\/images\/Passions.gif\" "\\"core")
When I meet male \u201c8\u201ds, I feel both envious and relieved..\u00a0 \u00a0Envious because I experience that same power and energy, but it was so inappropriate for me as an Asian-American woman to show that full force that I\u2019ve bottled a lot of it up and channeled instead my \u201c7\u201d wing.\u00a0 Relieved because when I tell my friends about that experience, they say, \u201cAren\u2019t you glad you don\u2019t act like those male \u201c8\u201ds?\u201d \u00a0Clearly the \u201c8\u201d I let show through is enough for them!<\/p>\n