25 years ago, on a summer urban missions project, I put my foot in my mouth.![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blog.amsvans.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/11\/foot-in-mouth.jpg\")
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n\u201cYou look like Aunt Jemima,\u201d I said to an African-American friend wearing a bandana over her head.<\/div>\n
She looked at me without a smile, \u201cKathy, it\u2019s because I love you that I will forgive you, but don\u2019t EVER say something like that again.\u201d<\/div>\n
Instantly abashed, I knew I had made some huge mistake, but didn\u2019t completely understand why.\u00a0 Call me clueless.<\/div>\n
In the 25 years since, racial reconciliation has been my passion.\u00a0 But frankly, if you\u2019re going to have multiethnic friendships, multiethnic colleagues, and work in a multiethnic context, you\u2019re going to make mistakes.<\/div>\n
A lot of mistakes.<\/div>\n
Glenn Kehrein, the former director of Circle Urban Ministries and co-founder of The Rock of Our Salvation Church, an intentionally interracial church, used to say, \u201cAny conflict will become a racial conflict\u2014it can be over the color of this piece of paper, and it\u2019ll be a racial issue.\u201d<\/div>\n
Today, on the last day of Black History Month, as I conclude my series of writing on race, I\u2019d like to make a plea for us to listen, dialogue and forgive.\u00a0 But to MAKE THE EFFORT, even though we offend our friends and get offended in return.<\/div>\n
So how do we negotiate the reality that racial issues will arise if we engage in interracial contact?<\/div>\n
At Circle and Rock, I learned about intentionally creating dialogue so everything came into the open.\u00a0 Raleigh Washington, Rock Church\u2019s pastor, held \u201cChocolate\u201d meetings where Blacks talked and asked questions, \u201cVanilla\u201d nights, where Whites did the same, and \u201cFudge Ripple\u201d nights where he (the only one who sat in on both meetings) read everything that came up in both groups, keeping the speakers anonymous, while everyone ate Fudge Ripple ice cream.<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/prospectingmeister.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/03\/426583ice-cream-cone-with-many-colored-scoops-posters1.jpg\")
When I led the New\u00a0York City Urban Program, we expanded to \u201cFudge,\u201d \u201cCoffee,\u201d \u201cButterscotch,\u201d and \u201cVanilla\u201d nights with an \u201cAll Sundae\u201d night at the end.\u00a0 The first \u201cAll Sundae\u201d night, we couldn\u2019t find\u00a0coffee ice cream anywhere\u2014which led to lots of angst from all flavors.\u00a0 We finally found coffee syrup for our next meeting, and even though it was nasty stuff, everyone was happy.<\/div>\n
When I led the New\u00a0York City Urban Program, we expanded to \u201cFudge,\u201d \u201cCoffee,\u201d \u201cButterscotch,\u201d and \u201cVanilla\u201d nights with an \u201cAll Sundae\u201d night at the end.\u00a0 The first \u201cAll Sundae\u201d night, we couldn\u2019t find\u00a0coffee ice cream anywhere\u2014which led to lots of angst from all flavors.\u00a0 We finally found coffee syrup for our next meeting, and even though it was nasty stuff, everyone was happy.<\/div>\nBecause everyone was represented.<\/div>\n
At our flavor meetings, you could get mad.\u00a0 You could get offended.\u00a0 You could have heated conversations.\u00a0 But keeping secrets wasn\u2019t an option.\u00a0 And neither was harboring bitterness.\u00a0 Because Jesus says if we don\u2019t forgive, we won\u2019t get forgiven.<\/div>\n
I just spent February vacation week on a family reunion cruise.\u00a0 The first night, the cruise director, as he interviewed a young Asian child who wouldn\u2019t answer his questions said, \u201cNo speakee Engleesh?\u201d<\/div>\n
At least that\u2019s what I, and my siblings all heard.<\/div>\n
Whew!\u00a0 I thought, that\u2019s not a very culturally sensitive way to talk to a cruise that\u2019s crammed full of Asian-Americans, 99.9% of whom speak perfect English.<\/div>\n
I didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 I sure didn\u2019t want to spend my hard-earned vacation dealing with race issues.<\/div>\n
Eventually, my sibs and I talked.\u00a0\u00a0 We decided we wouldn\u2019t write a complaint\u2014if this was a fire-able offense, we certainly didn\u2019t want him to lose his job. \u00a0Our goal was to create a teachable moment, so we settled on talking in person.<\/div>\n
We tossed around who should be spokesperson\u2014none of us loved the idea of confronting someone on a painful issue\u2014and finally decided \u00a0on my sister who was housed in concierge class.\u00a0 After all, she\u2019d spent the big bucks.<\/div>\n
She called, and he was instantly apologetic.\u00a0 He said he doesn\u2019t recall saying \u201cNo speakee Engleesh?\u201d just \u201cEngleesh,\u201d but that the moment the word rolled of his tongue he was mortified, didn\u2019t know what to do and obviously couldn\u2019t take it back.<\/div>\n
We forgave him, moved on and had a great time.<\/div>\n
If we engage with others across racial and ethnic lines we will mess up.\u00a0 We\u2019ll say things we wish we could take back.\u00a0 But if we make the effort to listen well and dialogue, my prayer for us is that we\u2019ll have friends across the racial spectrum. \u00a0That so much trust and care will be created that we can say and hear in return, \u201cIt\u2019s because I love you that I will forgive you.\u201d<\/div>\n
This was first posted on What She Said<\/i><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Risking Foot In the Mouth Disease<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This is the last in my series of blogs on race. The previous ones are Why Aren\u2019t People Talking to Me?, Do you Think Chinese Girls are\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/02\/risking-foot-in-the-mouth-disease\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Risking Foot In the Mouth Disease\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is the last in my series of blogs on race. 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This is the last in my series of blogs on race. \u00a0The previous ones are\u00a0Why Aren\u2019t People Talking to Me?,\u00a0Do you Think Chinese Girls are Pretty?, and\u00a0Why Louisiana Hot Sauce Didn\u2019t Go With Chinese Stir Fry. 25 years ago, on a summer urban missions project, I put my foot in my mouth. \u201cYou look like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-89","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n