{"id":95,"date":"2012-02-09T10:48:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-09T10:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/02\/do-you-think-chinese-girls-are-pretty\/"},"modified":"2012-02-09T10:48:00","modified_gmt":"2012-02-09T10:48:00","slug":"do-you-think-chinese-girls-are-pretty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/02\/do-you-think-chinese-girls-are-pretty\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Think Chinese Girls are Pretty?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/span><\/p>\n

Last week I joined the challenge to talk about race by wondering\u00a0Why Aren\u2019t People Talking to Me?<\/a>\u00a0This week I write about seeing (and hearing).<\/em><\/div>\n
\"\"Long ago in college, I talked about ethnicity with Duncan, a tall skinny White guy with a large Adam\u2019s apple and black rimmed glasses, and George, a tall skinny Chinese guy with a large Adam\u2019s apple and silver rimmed glasses. Duncan said he considered me to be Chinese-American, and George to be Chinese.<\/div>\n
Since George and I were both American citizens, I didn\u2019t understand why Duncan wanted to make the distinction until he said that because I was outspoken, gregarious, and majoring in counseling psychology, I was \u201cAmericanized.\u201d\u00a0 Because George was quiet, shy, introverted and majoring in engineering, he was authentically Chinese.<\/div>\n
\u201cI think that\u2019s a racist point of view.\u201d\u00a0 I told Duncan, immediately confirming his judgment about my outspokenness.<\/div>\n
He protested, \u201cI\u2019m not racist\u2014really I\u2019m not!\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cLook, I lived in China for a year,\u201d I said, \u201cAnd there were people who act like me as well as people who act like George.\u00a0 Just because I don\u2019t fit the stereotype doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m any less Chinese than George.\u201d<\/div>\n
George was silent.\u00a0 Trying to rectify the rudeness of talking about him in front of his face, I asked, \u201cWhy do you think you\u2019re stereotypically Chinese?\u00a0 Do you think it\u2019s who you are or because of other influences?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cOh culture, for sure,\u201d George said.\u00a0 He told us about being chased home almost every day from school by White bullies, how his house was egged and toilet papered repeatedly.\u00a0 Disappearing into the stereotype was how he survived his toxic middle class suburb.<\/div>\n
That led to me relaying how I felt invisible at fraternity parties\u2014I perceived I wasn\u2019t looked at and rejected, but never seen at all.\u00a0 Duncan cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, \u201cCan I ask you an embarrassing question?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d\u00a0 I said.<\/div>\n
\u201cDo you think Chinese girls are pretty?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cUh, yes.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cDo you think Chinese girls are ugly?\u201d<\/div>\n
I was taken aback.\u00a0 \u201cSome of them. . .why, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/div>\n
He looked up, \u201cNo. . .\u00a0 I don\u2019t.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t think they\u2019re pretty?\u201d<\/div>\n
He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t think they\u2019re ugly?\u201d<\/div>\n
He shook his head again.\u00a0 \u201dI don\u2019t think they\u2019re anything\u2013you all look the same to me.\u201d<\/div>\n
I stared at him.\u00a0 George remained silent.<\/div>\n
\u201cBut I\u2019m not racist, really I\u2019m not!\u201d\u00a0 Duncan said.<\/div>\n
Back in my dorm, looking for sympathy, I relayed the whole conversation to Erica, my African-American\u00a0roommate and best friend.<\/div>\n
\u201cWelcome to the real world,\u201d she said.<\/div>\n
Later, I separately told two White girlfriends the story and had two disturbingly identical conversations.\u00a0\u00a0 Both protested, \u201cBut I think you\u2019re really pretty!\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter whether I\u2019m pretty or ugly!\u201d I stormed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d rather be ugly and be seen!\u201d<\/div>\n
And my friends confessed, \u201cYou know, I think you\u2019re really pretty.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve never thought of Asian men as handsome or ugly.\u201d<\/div>\n
I was too chicken to say to their faces what I later heatedly discussed with Erica.\u00a0 If all humankind is created in the image of God, then all ethnicities and races must reflect God\u2019s beauty.\u00a0 The inability to either see or distinguish beauty in any ethnic group felt like racism, pure and simple.<\/div>\n
Yet research shows that stereotyping helps us sort through the magnitude of unfamiliar stimuli the world offers. \u00a0Our brains stereotype so we can make sense of the world. \u00a0The ability to stereotype is part of the way God created our minds.<\/div>\n
\n
So perhaps the problem isn\u2019t about stereotyping or finding the unfamiliar foreign and uncomfortable. \u00a0Perhaps it\u2019s about our hearts and attitudes. \u00a0Jesus and the prophets warn that when our hearts are calloused and our minds closed we will see but not perceive, hear but not understand, and ultimately miss out on receiving forgiveness and healing.<\/div>\n
It\u2019s a spiritual discipline to look and look and look some more until we finally perceive distinctions and beauty in all people.\u00a0 To sit on our hands, stay in the room, zip our lips and listen until we can finally understand the heart of our neighbor.<\/div>\n
Despite how their attitudes annoyed me, Duncan and my White girlfriends\u2019 willingness to engage with honesty was a step towards all of us seeing and hearing in a way we never had before.<\/div>\n
How else can we soften our hearts and open our minds?<\/div>\n
This was first posted on What She Said<\/i><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week I joined the challenge to talk about race by wondering\u00a0Why Aren\u2019t People Talking to Me?\u00a0This week I write about seeing (and hearing). Long ago in college, I talked about ethnicity with Duncan, a tall skinny White guy with a large Adam\u2019s apple and black rimmed glasses, and George, a tall skinny Chinese guy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-95","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nDo You Think Chinese Girls are Pretty?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Last week I joined the challenge to talk about race by wondering Why Aren\u2019t People Talking to Me? This week I write about seeing (and\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/wordynerdy\/2012\/02\/do-you-think-chinese-girls-are-pretty\/\" 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