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<\/a>We learn by contrasts, brass beside gold. Two years along, I am still learning what it is to be a Catholic, but one thing is clear: I have never known such friendships. Within the past week, I have been confronted with a \u201cfriendship\u201d from years past, one based on power, fear, and lies. This week, I also have had numerous encounters with Catholic friends. What a difference! <\/a>
How to understand this difference? \u201cThe first thing to worry about is whether something is to be loved or not. If it is a lie, I cannot love it.\u201d The line is from a Catholic writer I admire<\/a>, and reading it today brought this question of friendship into focus. Some people, some friendships are based on lies. I can try to love such people, and maybe if I were Mother Teresa or Maximilian Kolbe, I would. But I\u2019m not and I can\u2019t, so I turn to where the gold is.<\/p>\n
Or as my wise-beyond-her-years daughter told me this morning, \u201cDad, just because you have to forgive someone doesn\u2019t mean you have to stay in the line of fire.\u201d There are \u201cfriendships\u201d that should be left behind, and there are friendships we make on the road to Emmaus.<\/p>\n
I think this is the difference. Like two fishermen who encounter Christ, we are bonded together with our Catholic friends because we have a common destiny, a common desire, a common love. It\u2019s not about you or me. It\u2019s about you and me, gathered together His name.<\/p>\n
I have found gold in my parish friendships.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s gold in my friendship with C., whose e-mails are always a joy to read. C. has had health troubles, but she always has a smile for me, and a line in almost every e-mail to make me think and be grateful. <\/p>\n
There\u2019s gold in my friendship with P., whose troubles are mostly professional. I enjoy calling P. on his cell phone on his way home from work to catch up, to let him know I\u2019m thinking of him, to share a laugh or a moment or a thought.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s plenty of gold in my friendship with F.\u2014but, heck, readers of this blog know that I mean Ferde. He is not necessarily the last person I would be attracted to if I were not a Catholic, if we did not have Christ in common, but I might be the last person for him. Ferde once said to me, and he said it to tweak me, \u201cThat\u2019s the difference between you and me, man: You\u2019re upper crust and I\u2019m lower crust.\u201d I didn\u2019t deny the comparison\u2014I come from comfort, Ferde had to fight for everything he has. Instead, I only said, \u201cYeah, Ferde, but together we make a great sandwich.\u201d<\/p>\n
Every day, I find gold in unexpected places. Just this afternoon I was at the coffee shop across the street from my office, and I ran into R. I see R.\u2019s wife at the coffee shop in the mornings sometimes, but\u2014unlike self-employed me, for whom it\u2019s always casual Friday\u2014R. is a hardcore working professional who has to dress up for the job and commute to the city. I don\u2019t envy him, although today I have to admit that he looked very sharp in a bow-tie. He must have been home early from work, taking his kids out for a treat. Though I don\u2019t know a lot about him, in the sense of name rank and serial number, I imagine that R. is the sort of slightly shy but brilliant person who can seem standoffish. We run into each other regularly on Sundays, but it never seems that I pull two words out of him.<\/p>\n
Today\u2014well, it wasn\u2019t Sunday, it wasn\u2019t Church, it was late Thursday on a glorious spring day in New England\u2014I stood and listened mostly as R. and I talked in the coffee shop for about ten minutes. Big deal, right? Two middle-aged white guys shooting the breeze? True, except that I understood that our friendship\u2014because that\u2019s what it is\u2014isn\u2019t based on power, sex, or money, or anything else that life has to offer. It\u2019s based on our both being Catholic Christians and being very happy that way. We know hardly anything about one another, except that we both seem to love the Church, head and body. And so, in ten minutes of friendly conversation, I didn\u2019t feel an ounce of suspicion or fear or doubt. It was, as they say, all good.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sorry. This subject is hard to write about without sounding air-headed, lobotomized, superficial. But I know what I\u2019m saying, and maybe you do too.<\/p>\n
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