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<\/a>Guest post by Allison\u00a0<\/i>Today, the fourth in Lent, our Church celebrates Laetare Sunday, or Refreshment Sunday. This means we are halfway through our Lenten journeys. The Church in her wisdom, understands that we may need to pause during this pentitential season. One of my parish friends seggests we think of Laetare Sunday as \u201chalftime for Lent.\u201d Among the signs of joy you might have seen this morning at Mass was your parish priest in rose-colored vestments. You might have seen flowers on the altar and you might have the organ at Mass and Vespers.
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To keep with the joyful tone of the day, we thought it might be fun to offer our readers a few Catholic jokes, that is the kind of jokes we Catholics tell on ourselves. I had the fun task of compiling them.<\/p>\n
These jokes seem to fall into a few categories: jokes about religious orders, jokes about ways we don\u2019t quite comply with Church expectations, and jokes about what happens at the Pearly Gates. (I decided not to include jokes in a fourth category of Catholic humor: those that poke fun at Our Savior, no matter how mildly, or at His\u00a0 parents, or His relationship with them. I think it\u2019s too easy to slip from fun to disrespect.)<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s start with a joke from reader Michelle, who inspired this post when she emailed a very funny one to Webster. Here it is.<\/p>\n
Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can\u2019t even begin to imagine how their mind is working. Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, the boy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn\u2019t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With great trepidation, His mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Zachary had an A in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, \u201cSon, what was it? Was it the nuns?\u201d Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. \u201cWell, then,\u201d she replied, \u201cWas it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?\u201d
Little Zachary looked at her and said, \u201cOn the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren\u2019t fooling around.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Yes, teaching children the faith can be a challenge. They can so easily be befuddled. I felt\u00a0 pleased as punch with myself for teaching both our boys the \u201cOur Father\u201d and the \u201cHail Mary\u201d early in life. One bedtime when our little one was about four, I felt he was ready to recite the Our Father without prompting from me. And so he began: <\/p>\n
Our Father, who are in heaven, Howard be thy name . . .<\/i> <\/p>\n
Reader Dave, who sings tenor alongside Webster in their church choir,\u00a0 was the very first person to email me a joke. He heard it from Archbishop Sean P. O\u2019Malley in his 2010 Boston Catholic Appeal\u00a0 last Sunday:<\/p>\n
Two US currency bills were ready to be retired after a number of years of service. One was a $20 bill and the other was a $1 bill. The $20 bill said, \u201cIt has been a great run. Over the years I have been passed from a number of wonderful things and events. I have paid for meals in some of the best restaurants. I have traveled the world and have paid for things in Europe and all over different parts of the United States. I have been used to pay for tickets to some of the best sporting events and some of the best concerts money could buy. It truly was a great run.\u201d The $20 bill asked the $1 bill, \u201cWhat about you?\u201d Said the $1 bill, \u201cI have not had as good a run as you. I have spent all of my time being passed form one Catholic offertory collection basket to the next.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Reader Penny from Louisiana sent in this gem:<\/p>\n
A Catholic boy and a Protestant boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, \u201cMy priest knows more than your minister.\u201d The Protestant boy said, \u201cOf course he does, you tell him everything.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Here in New Jersey, my dear friend Judy shared this joke, which the priest told during her elder son\u2019s Confirmation Mass:<\/p>\n
A priest was having a terrible time with mice in his church. He\u2019d tried everything\u2014all kinds of traps and poisons. Finally, he called an exterminator. He told the exterminator all the various efforts he had made to get rid of the mice. The man shook his head. \u201cFather, there is really a very simple technique you could use to get rid of the mice. Just confirm them.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Reader Michael from Virginia emailed me these jokes. He said he heard a lot of jokes about religious orders while a student at Catholic University, mulling a vocation. Here\u2019s the first\u2014<\/p>\n
There are three questions that not even God, in all wisdom and knowledge, can answer: 1. Who has more brains, the Jesuits or the Dominicans? 2. How many orders of nuns are there in the world? 3. How much money do the Franciscans have?<\/i><\/p>\n
And the second\u2014 <\/p>\n
A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were marooned on a desert island. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion decided to rub it. Lo and behold, a genie appeared and offered them three wishes. They decided it was only fair that they could each have one wish. The Jesuit said he wanted to teach at the world\u2019s most famous university, and poof, he was gone! The Dominican wished to preach in the world\u2019s largest church, and poof, he was gone! Then the Trappist said, \u201cGee, I already got my wish!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
And the third\u2014<\/p>\n
Two men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. \u201cWhat is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?\u201d the one asked.<\/i><\/p>\n
The second replied, \u201cWell, they were both founded by Spaniards\u2014St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy\u2014the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cMet any Albigensians lately?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Jokes about what happens at the Pearly Gates are popular, too. An anonymous reader sent me this joke:<\/p>\n
Pope John XXIII arrived at the Pearly Gates and was greeted by Saint Peter, who showed him around and described all the various accommodations in Heaven. The Pope said he would like to meet the Holy Spirit. \u201cIn my 2,000 years of greeting arrivals, I\u2019ve never heard this request,\u201d Saint Peter told him. He strolled over to the Sancta Sanctorum, where the Holy Spirit dwells. \u201cWho wants to meet me, Pope John?\u201d \u201cYes,\u201d said Saint Peter. \u201cWasn\u2019t he the one who convened the Second Ecumenical Council of the Vatican ?\u201d \u201cYes, he was,\u201d Saint Peter said. \u201cI didn\u2019t meet him then,\u201d the Holy Spirit said, \u201c because I wasn\u2019t there.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
My husband, Greg,\u00a0 told me this one:<\/p>\n