{"id":1573,"date":"2024-11-22T12:24:41","date_gmt":"2024-11-22T18:24:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/youmightberight\/?p=1573"},"modified":"2024-11-24T01:45:10","modified_gmt":"2024-11-24T07:45:10","slug":"myths-about-religious-deconstruction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/youmightberight\/2024\/11\/myths-about-religious-deconstruction\/","title":{"rendered":"Myths About Religious Deconstruction"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Do you wonder why people leave church?\u00a0 Just ask them. Do NOT rely on the assumptions that those who are still in church make about those who have left church.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Some
Some Christians brandish the Bible as a club, not a staff, when they address people who are leaving church. Image from freepik\/wirestock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Anger and Freedom<\/h2>\n

When I meet someone who has left their church, I always ask if they are still angry. Invariably, they either say, \u201cOf course, I\u2019m still angry.\u201d Or \u201cWell, I used to be angry, but I\u2019m almost over it.\u201d No one has ever said (as you might have expected) \u201cNo, of course, I\u2019m not angry. Why would I be angry?!\u201d<\/p>\n

In The Way<\/em>, I wrote, \u201cThe loss of a belief is like the loss of a friend, and the stages of grief are similar: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.\u201d I continued to write about anger:<\/p>\n

\u201cOnce I began to see that some of my beliefs were not supportable, I became angry with those who presented these beliefs to me as facts, without doing the homework to know if they were supportable or not and without presenting any caveats or contexts. Finally, I became angry that many contemporary Christian beliefs had strayed far from the words and works of Jesus. In doing so, many Christian churches had been unkind to divorced people, LGBTQ people, and non-Christian people, to name a few\u2014and they had done it in the name of religion.\u201d<\/p>\n

Also, deconstructing Christians who are angry are often responding to Christians who are angry.\u00a0 You might have heard the expression, \u201cThere is no hate like Christian love.\u201d This is NOT a belief that love is stronger than hate, but a belief that those on the receiving end of well-intended, but often very hurtful, challenges may perceive this \u201cChristian love\u201d as hate, not as love.<\/p>\n

Some Christians brandish the Bible as a club, not a staff, when they address people who are leaving church.<\/p>\n

I believe that it is helpful for people leaving religion to manage their anger and to find other outlets for finding community and for maintaining spiritual practice. I wrote about that here<\/a> and here<\/a>. For those who have done so, many people report that they have a sense of confidence, control and freedom.<\/p>\n

Myths About Religious Deconstruction<\/h2>\n

There are a lot of myths about people leaving religion. For example, Eric Sentell, a writer at Medium, addresses seven myths about deconstructing Christians<\/a>, including:<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

1) They want to deconstruct,<\/p>\n

2) They have weak faith,<\/p>\n

3) They will go to Hell,<\/p>\n

4) They will embrace heresy,<\/p>\n

5) They don\u2019t read or respect the Bible,<\/p>\n

6) They don\u2019t know theology, and<\/p>\n

7) They don\u2019t know Church history and tradition.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

I agree with Sentell that, generally speaking, these are myths. Here are a few more myths about deconstructing Christians that I hear often:<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

1) They are self-centered or undisciplined,<\/p>\n

2) They are susceptible to fads or fashions or secular influences,<\/p>\n

3) They are angry at God or religion, when they should be angry at particular churches or people,<\/p>\n

4) They will never find spirituality apart from religion,\u00a0 and<\/p>\n

5) They want to sin.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

In my experience, these are the kinds of things that people in church say about people who are not in church. I talk to a lot of people who left church, and none of them cite any of these reasons. Author Olivia Jackson discussed her book<\/a> and her numerous interviews with deconstructing Christians on the Nomad Podcast here<\/a>. She handily addresses these and other myths.<\/p>\n

Once they manage their anger (or resign themselves to it) many deconstructing Christians are doing very well. In fact, many are doing better than they were doing in church. Contrary to the myths, many used to be fervent believers. Their loss of belief was not a lack or resolve, but a surplus of resolve, to follow the truth wherever it might lead.<\/p>\n

Do You Wonder Why People Leave Church? Just Ask Them.<\/h2>\n

Many deconstructing Christians report that they are better people now. They are more compassionate and wise, no longer attached to supernatural beliefs or theological speculation that requires them to accept ancient doctrine, to believe unbelievable things or to marginalize LGBTQ+ people, immigrants, poor people, women, or anyone else.<\/p>\n

Many \u201chigh-control\u201d churches do NOT tolerate any deviation (or even any questions.) But, if we do NOT ask questions, then we do not learn, and we do NOT fully understand others.<\/p>\n

Do you wonder why people leave church? Just ask them. Do NOT rely on the assumptions that those who are still in church make about those who have left church.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

If you want to keep up with the latest from You Might Be Right, please subscribe<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The Way<\/a><\/em> is a Silver winner in the 2024 Nautilus Book Awards.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this article, please leave a comment at the bottom of this page.<\/p>\n

Thanks for reading You Might Be Right!!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you wonder why people leave church?\u00a0 Just ask them. Do NOT rely on the assumptions that those who are still in church make about those who have left church. \u00a0 \u00a0 Anger and Freedom When I meet someone who has left their church, I always ask if they are still angry. Invariably, they either […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5496,"featured_media":1603,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[496,490,107,493],"class_list":["post-1573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-anger","tag-high-control-religions","tag-leaving-church","tag-myths-about-religious-deconstruction"],"yoast_head":"\nDo you wonder why people leave church?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Just ask them. 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