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{"id":14816,"date":"2015-12-31T15:16:02","date_gmt":"2015-12-31T21:16:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zackhunt.net\/?p=14816"},"modified":"2015-12-31T15:16:02","modified_gmt":"2015-12-31T21:16:02","slug":"the-real-reason-televangelists-need-their-own-private-planes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/zackhunt\/2015\/12\/the-real-reason-televangelists-need-their-own-private-planes\/","title":{"rendered":"The Real Reason Televangelists Need Their Own Private Planes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

$\"Screen$ <\/p>\n

Remember a few months ago when Creflo Dollar tried to raise $65 million<\/a> for a private jet he claimed he desperately needed?<\/p>\n

His personal petition was quickly taken down amid a firestorm of condemnation from the Christian world. No worries, though. His church board had his back. Shortly after Dollar was forced to pull down his personal plea for cash, the board of World Changers Church International announced that they would be purchasing the plane anyway<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Now, I\u2019ve always assumed the Scamgelist\u2122\u00a0\u201cneed\u201d for a private jet was the height of sanctified materialism.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it turns out I was wrong. <\/span><\/p>\n

Thanks to the insight of Dollar\u2019s fellow Scamgelists\u2122 Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis, I\u2019ve learned that there is a totally legitimate reason why these guys\u00a0need their own private planes.<\/span><\/p>\n

You see, they can\u2019t fly commercial because commercial planes are nothing more than \u201clong tube[s] with a bunch of demons\u201d inside them. They need a \u201csanctuary\u201d that \u201cprotects the anointing\u201d God has so clearly laid on their lives.<\/p>\n

\n\n<\/p>

What they\u2019re saying makes perfect sense.<\/p>\n

And it explains why flying is so often such a miserable experience.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not because the TSA is terrible or because\u00a0there\u2019s no more leg room in coach or because a bottle of water costs $35 inside the terminal.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s because airports are temples to Satan and commercial airplanes are the Dark Lord\u2019s preferred method for transporting his demons around the world.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all so clear now.<\/p>\n

How did I not see it before??<\/p>\n

\n<\/p><\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"