![\"\"](\"https:\/\/theamericanjesus.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/American-Jesus-Madness-Bracket-20121.jpg\" "\\"American")
<\/a><\/p>\nWe\u2019ve done the research for you. So, all you have to do is submit your bracket<\/a>, vote for the winner, and wait for your prize to arrive in the mail.<\/p>\n As promised here are the breakdowns for the 1st round matchups of American Jesus Madness<\/a>\u2026.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Mark Driscoll vs. Fake Mark Driscoll<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re not familiar with Mark Driscoll, count yourself lucky. He\u2019s the pastor of Seattle mega-church Mars Hill and he\u2019s here to remind you how much God hates you<\/a>, but also that God wants you to have a lot of marital sex <\/a>so you can keep your wife perpetually barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. On the other side of this battle is the Twitter account \u201cFake Mark Driscoll\u201d<\/a>. This hilarious twitter feed, run by blogger Stephanie Drury<\/a>, gives us the \u201creal\u201d insight into the goings on at Mars Hill. Who wins? Well, that depends on whether you enjoy funny parody or tragic reality more.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Complimentarianism vs. Rachel Held Evans<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019ve never heard the word \u201ccomplimentarianism\u201d before it\u2019s not because you\u2019re illiterate. It\u2019s because it\u2019s a made up word used by those in the Reformed theology camp to keep women from having any position of leadership in either the church or the household. Here to battle this patriarchal theology is the expert in all things \u201cbiblical womanhood\u201d, author and blogger Rachel Held Evans<\/a>. For a while now she\u2019s been fighting the good internet fight against ridiculous theology. Now will see if she has what it takes to win in the octagon of arbitrary public voting.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Gay Affirming Christians vs. Westboro Baptist<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n For years now, there has been issue more hotly debated in the church than that of homosexuality. While many Christians have come to embrace homosexuals as their brothers and sisters in the faith, many others adamantly reject this inclusion, while still others find themselves somewhere in the middle. We\u2019re figured this thing can be easily resolved if we just put it to a vote in an arbitrary, strictly for humor vote. Why didn\u2019t somebody think of this earlier? Of course, to solve this ecclesiastical conundrum, we couldn\u2019t think of anyone more fitting for them to face than Westboro Baptist. Besides, if we left Westboro out we figured they would probably show up at our houses to protest.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Chik-Fil-A vs. In-N-Out<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n This is an epic clash between the two greatest fast food restaurants on the face of the planet. Incidently, they both have Christian owners. Chick-Fil-A may be the more famously Christian of the two, but In-N-Out puts their faith where your mouth is going to be (well almost). John 3:16 is inscribed on the bottom of every cup they sell.\u00a0The only loser in this battle is those of us who don\u2019t live close enough to Chik-Fil-A and\/or In-N-Out to enjoy them on a regular basis.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n John Piper vs. Masculinity<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n John Piper is like a senior citizen version of Mark Driscoll who doesn\u2019t talk as much about sex. But he also wants you to know that God hates you which is why \u201cHe\u201d sends tornadoes to destroy your home and kill everyone you know<\/a>. Piper also wants you to know that Christianity is a masculine religion<\/a>. But masculinity called us to expression his frustrations over this. Apparently masculinity is none to happy to be associated with a Bible full of \u201cinferior\u201d female authors and \u201cweak\u201d female heroes. Masculinity was particularly upset to be connected to a faith centered around a guy who, in masculinity\u2019s words, \u201cdidn\u2019t have the balls to fight the S.O.B.s that nailed him to a cross.\u201d So, we decided to pit John Piper against the masculinity he thinks he loves so much.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Pope Benedict XVI vs. Jefferson Bethke<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n There is no Christian on the planet more famous than Pope Benedict XVI. For a few days, though, Jefferson Bethke gave him a run for his money. He\u2019s the now famous rapping poet behind the viral video \u201cWhy I hate religion, but love Jesus\u201d<\/a>. Despite the fact that Mr. Bethke learned everything he said in the video via organized religion, he is convinced that \u201creal\u201d Christianity isn\u2019t an organized religion. So, what better matchup for the rapping poet than the leader of the largest organized religion on the planet?<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Rick Santorum vs. Women\u2019s Health<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Unless you\u2019ve been living under a rock for the past several months, you know that Rick Santorum is running for President of the United States. So, as an added test for his candidacy we\u2019ve matched him up with one of his biggest foes: women\u2019s health. If he can pass this test, then perhaps he truly is ready to become our next President. Or maybe not\u2026.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Jack Chick vs. Invisible Children<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n The great-grandfather of religious tracts, Jack Chick, returns to American Jesus Madness this year as our reigning champ. Somehow Jack managed to come out of nowhere last year to run the table at our inaugural tournament. This year he\u2019s pitted against the new face of spreading the gospel in the 21st century, Invisible Children<\/a>. This non-profit is less concerned with \u201cturn or burn\u201d and more concerned with whether nor African children can live long enough to even make it to a church. Their Kony 2012 effort to bring down Joseph Kony<\/a> has exploded this week. So, who wins this matchup between old school proselytizing and new school practical evangelism? Well, that\u2019s up to you.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Rob Bell vs. Discernment Ministries<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Rob Bell had a big year last year. First he got sent to hell for not sending anybody to hell. Then he resigned from \u201cthe other Mars Hill\u201d to move to Hollywood and produce some sort of quasi-Christian television show for ABC. Following him (and ever other preacher they deem unacceptable) every step are so-called \u201cdiscernment ministries\u201d<\/a>. These self-appointed arbitrators of Christian truth believe it is their divine calling to separate the church into \u201ctrue Christians\u201d and heretics by leading witch hunts creating lists (literally) for you to reference. Well, we thought we would return the favor and let you \u201cdiscern\u201d who the \u201ctrue\u201d Christian is in this matchup.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Pat Robertson vs. Rational Christianity<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n The once great sage (for some people) of the 700 Club has now become the cranky, senile old man on the porch who yells at teenagers who get too close to his lawn. So, what better to matchup against Robertson\u2019s irrationality than Rational Christianity? Rational Christianity is that form of Christianity that realizes you don\u2019t have to be a fundamentalist, hate evolution, and believe everything in the world is some sort of demonic, left-wing political conspiracy in order to be an \u201cauthentic\u201d Christian. Even if rational Christianity comes out on top in this matchup, we\u2019re pretty sure it\u2019s still losing in the real world. \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Stephen Colbert\u2019s Lent Ashes vs. Justin Beiber\u2019s Jesus Tattoo<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n If American Christianity has taught us anything it\u2019s the importance of outward expressions of our inward faith. If people don\u2019t know you love Jesus, then what\u2019s the point, right? Helping us out in this department are two titans of popular culture. In the role of traditional, seemingly sincere expression of faith we have Stephen Colbert and his Ash Wednesday ashes that he boldly wears on his show every year. In the role of cliche, seemingly shallow expression of faith we have Justin Beiber and the enormous tattoo of Jesus\u2019 face he had inked on his leg<\/a>\u00a0this year. We normally say \u201cto each his own\u201d on expressions of faith, but this is a cutthroat competition! It\u2019s time to get judgmental!<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Social Conservative Christians vs. Social Justice Christians<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n This matchup is a battle for the hearts and minds of the faithful. We\u2019ve got social conservatives at one end who draw the boundary lines of the Christian faith around particular social\/ethical issues and which way you vote for them at the ballot box. At the other end of things we\u2019ve got social justice Christians who are focused instead on what the church is doing to help those in need. Rational Christianity would want us to offer a middle ground here or possible a \u201cboth\u201d option. But this isn\u2019t a rational tournament. You\u2019ve got the choose! [Insert evil laugh]\n<\/p> \u00a0<\/p>\n Joel Osteen vs. Eddie Long<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n We wanted to leave Joel Osteen out of the tournament this year, but dang it, it wouldn\u2019t stop grinning at us. How do you say no to that smile?? So we let him in and decided to match him up to the most infamous pastor of the last year, Eddie Long. After getting caught up is a less than flattering scandal, Bishop Long ended the past year on a high note by being crowned king<\/a>. Seriously. No matter who wins this matchup, their continued popularity in the church makes us all losers.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Church Discipline vs. Matthew Paul Turner<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Nobody likes having to go through church discipline. Except apparently the folks at Mars Hill who seem to be a bit obsessed with it. That being said, we have to imagine they (and in particular Mark Driscoll) weren\u2019t too happy with blogger and author Matthew Paul Turner leaked internal church documents<\/a> that revealed just how serious Mars Hill is about their church discipline<\/a>. There\u2019s probably a middle ground here too, but again, this isn\u2019t reality. It\u2019s an absurd, make believe tournament pitting real people and intangible things in imaginary pseudo-battles determined by anonymous, arbitrary voting. So, you\u2019ve got to choose: autonomous dictatorships or cross-denominational accountability?! [Reinsert evil laugh]\n<\/p> \u00a0<\/p>\n Third Eagle of the Apocalypse vs. 2012 Apocalypse<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n If was a HUGE year for our favorite self-proclaimed YouTube prophet. First, he made not one, not two, but THREE appearances on Anderson Cooper\u2019s Ridiculist<\/em>. Then, it was featured on The Colbert Report! However, now William Tapley must face one of his greatest challenges ever: the 2012 Apocalypse. Who will will this epic battle: a crazy old man with a video camera and a keyboard in Main or the ancient Mayans? Hopefully neither, but we\u2019ve decided to put our future in your hands anyway.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Tim Tebow vs. Jeremy Lin<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Last but not least we have an epic matchup between the 2 most popular Christian athletes in recent memory. On one hand, we have Tim Tebow, known more for his Christian faith than his actual professional playing ability. On the other hand, we have Jeremy Lin, known more for his actual professional playing ability than his Christian faith.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Well, that\u2019s it. It\u2019s up to you now!<\/p>\n Fill out your bracket, submit it, and then start vote like crazy on Tuesday!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0 \u00a0 We\u2019ve done the research for you. So, all you have to do is submit your bracket, vote for the winner, and wait for your prize to arrive in the mail. As promised here are the breakdowns for the 1st round matchups of American Jesus Madness\u2026. \u00a0 Mark Driscoll vs. Fake Mark Driscoll If […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3437,"featured_media":5946,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n