{"id":7224,"date":"2012-07-09T10:39:08","date_gmt":"2012-07-09T15:39:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theamericanjesus.net\/?p=7224"},"modified":"2012-07-09T10:39:08","modified_gmt":"2012-07-09T15:39:08","slug":"53-things-i-learned-about-heaven-from-barbara-walters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/zackhunt\/2012\/07\/53-things-i-learned-about-heaven-from-barbara-walters\/","title":{"rendered":"53 Things I Learned About Heaven From Barbara Walters"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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This weekend 20\/20<\/em> ran a Barbara Walters special called Heaven: Where is it? How do we get there?<\/em><\/p>\n

If you didn\u2019t see it, you missed a sometimes interesting, sometimes cliche look into what heaven may or may not be liked as seen through the eyes of various spiritual authorities.<\/p>\n

I was able to watch the show in its entirety and while it wasn\u2019t particularly enlightening for my soul, I did learn a few things about heaven, what Americans think about the afterlife, and that Islamic heaven sounds like a lot of fun.<\/p>\n

So, in no particular order, here are the 53 things I learned about heaven from Barbara Walters\u2026
\n\u00a0
\n1. This life isn\u2019t the real one, we were made for heaven.<\/strong>
\nApparently, the creation account in Genesis wasn\u2019t meant to be taken very seriously.<\/em><\/p>\n

2. According to Melissa Etheridge, heaven is here on earth.<\/strong>
\nIf that\u2019s the case, then heaven seems a lot more like hell.<\/em><\/p>\n

3. Most of us get out ideas about heaven from TV and the movies.<\/strong>
\nI couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/em><\/p>\n

4. Heaven is everything we<\/em> want it to be.<\/strong>
\nWhich makes sense. If you\u2019re going to have an American Jesus, you\u2019ve also got to have an American heaven.<\/em><\/p>\n

5. Heaven is \u201can idea buried deep in the human heart, shared assumption that we are going somewhere.\u201d<\/strong>
\nNext thing I know, Walters is going to be telling me we\u2019re all made in the image of the same God or something. Liberals\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

6. The early church believed all people are transformed into spiritual beings, or angels because we aren\u2019t pure enough to enter heaven.<\/strong>
\nBarbara Walters needs a better church historian to do her fact checking for her because that\u2019s what those of us in the historical theology world call \u201cnot true\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n

7. Barbara Walters asks the same questions about heaven that a 5 year old would.<\/strong>
\nNot sure this is a bad thing necessarily. Maybe it speaks to the fact that heaven is one of our least complicated doctrines. It\u2019s a nice place, everybody wants to go there, just give me directions and point me in the right way.<\/em><\/p>\n

8. Muslims are promised sex, food, and silk couches in heaven.<\/strong>
\nMuslim heaven sounds pretty awesome.<\/em><\/p>\n

9. Jews are less focused on heaven than Christians and Muslims and more focused on life in the here and now.<\/strong>
\nSounds like a good lesson for all of us to learn if you ask me.<\/em><\/p>\n

10. Christians, Jews, and muslims are the only religions who have anything to say about heaven.<\/strong>
\nObviously that\u2019s not true, but most of the show felt that way.<\/em><\/p>\n

11. Mormons<\/a> think that one of their distinctives is that they will be judged on how they live their lives in order to get into heaven.<\/strong>
\nSilly Mormons.<\/em><\/p>\n

12. Mormons understand the importance of church architecture in helping us think about God and heaven as we worship.<\/strong>
\nAnother good lesson for the rest of us to learn.<\/em><\/p>\n

13. Barbara Walters thinks that Joel Osteen\u2019s church is Christianity at its most energetic.<\/strong>
\nShe really needs to get out more.<\/em><\/p>\n

14. 10 million people tune into Osteen a week on television, 43,000 go to his church every week.<\/strong>
\nAnd you thought your church was big.<\/em><\/p>\n

15. Joel Osteen looks really, really uncomfortable when asked tough questions.<\/strong>
\nBut that\u2019s ok because, in the words of President Schwarzenegger in The Simpsons Movie, Joel \u201cwas elected to lead, not to read.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

16. According to Walters, \u201cunlike most evangelical pastors, Osteen\u2019s sermons are primarily good news\u201d.<\/strong>
\nOuch. Also, Walters and I have very different ideas about what constitutes the \u201cgood news\u201d of the Christian faith.<\/em><\/p>\n

17. Barbara Walters called Joel Osteen and wife are the \u201cstars of the show\u201d at Lakewood Church.<\/strong>
\nBarbara, I couldn\u2019t have said it better myself.<\/em><\/p>\n

18. Joel Osteen\u2019s church pulls in $70 million a year.<\/strong>
\nThat\u2019s a lot of cheese.<\/em><\/p>\n

19. Maria Shriver has been to way too many family funerals.<\/strong>
\nI really feel for that lady and her family.<\/em><\/p>\n

20. Mitch Albom\u2019s version of heaven sounds like a family reunion.<\/strong>
\nWhich could also be plenty of people\u2019s version of hell.<\/em><\/p>\n

21. The Dalai Lama laughed hard at Walter\u2019s question \u201cAre you a god?\u201d<\/strong>
\nGood for him. I really like that guy. (In case you\u2019re curious, he considers himself a teacher.)<\/em><\/p>\n

22. Tibetan Buddhists have 6 different heavens and 6 different hells.<\/strong>
\nYou know, just to keep things interesting.<\/em><\/p>\n

23. According to the Dalai Lama, heaven is not the end goal, rather, it is a sort of passing through place.<\/strong>
\nApparently somebody\u2019s been reading some\u00a0N.T. Wright<\/a>\"\".<\/em><\/p>\n

24. The Dalai Lama seems like a really, really nice guy; the kind of guy I imagine Jesus being.<\/strong>
\nGo figure. Did I mention I really like this guy?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

25. The ultimate goal for Buddhist is to play in a grunge band with Kurt Cobain for eternity.<\/strong>
\nThat\u2019s what \u201cthe pursuit of nirvana\u201d is, right?<\/em><\/p>\n

26. The Dalai Lama is emphatic that he is \u201cjust a human, nothing special\u201d.<\/strong>
\nBe honest, you\u2019re beginning to really like this guy too.<\/em><\/p>\n

27. Like Melissa Etheridge, Richard Gere has really lame views of heaven and hell \u2013 they are here and now.<\/strong>
\nAs a rule, celebrities should really keep their opinions on things to themselves.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

28. Barbara Walters has a really cool job.<\/strong>
\nJust saying.<\/em><\/p>\n

29. Barbara Walters got a failed Muslim suicide bomber to sit down with and answer questions from a Jewish woman.<\/strong>
\nI don\u2019t care who you are, that\u2019s fascinating and impressive journalistic skills.<\/em><\/p>\n

30. The 72 virgin promise for jihadists doesn\u2019t come from the Quran, but other texts which quote Muhammad. \u00a0<\/strong>
\nYou learn something new everyday.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

31. In Islam, 72 means countless. Also, women probably get virgins too.<\/strong>
\nLike I said, you learn something new everyday. Although I am curious about where all these virgins are coming from. Comic-Con maybe?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

32. Barabara Walters has big brass balls. She asked the aforementioned suicide bomber if he wanted her to go to hell.<\/strong>
\nShe didn\u2019t blink.<\/em><\/p>\n

33. According to the atheist Walters interviewed, \u201d the burden of proof is always in the person who posits the faith\u201d.<\/strong>
\nThe irony, of course, is that claiming the unprovable (i.e. affirming the unprovable tenet of divine non-existence) is also an act of faith.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

34. Apparently faith is just genetic expression if in fact there is such thing as \u201cthe god gene\u201d. Although, the gene leads to faith in general, not necessarily faith in god.<\/strong>
\nI wonder if the god gene is cousins with the god particle?<\/em><\/p>\n

35. Some scientists forget that their job is to explain \u201chow\u201d not \u201cwhy\u201d.<\/strong>
\nThat\u2019s a good science lesson for all of us to learn.<\/em><\/p>\n

36. Listening to astronauts quote from Genesis as they looked over the earth from space for the first time gives me chills.<\/strong>
\nApparently I have the god gene.<\/em><\/p>\n

37. As many as 18 million Americans claim near death experiences.<\/strong>
\nI am not among those 18 million.<\/em><\/p>\n

38. People\u2019s heaven experiences sound suspiciously like the movies or a mitch album book.<\/strong>
\nOr is it the other way around???<\/em><\/p>\n

39. According to one near death experience lady, pulling cats tails makes them happy in heaven.<\/strong>
\nIf we are supposed to prepare for heaven now does that mean we should we start pulling cat\u2019s tails?<\/em><\/p>\n

40. Atheists or heaven skeptics in general are kill joys.<\/strong>
\nSeriously, how do you hate on heaven?<\/em><\/p>\n

41. If I ever have a vision of heaven I need to write a book about it and put a picture of a little kid on the cover.<\/strong>
\nOr better yet puppies\u2026or kittens\u2026or puppies AND kittens!!! New York Times best seller list here I come!!<\/em><\/p>\n

42. Best question from the entire show: Why come back from near death experience?<\/strong>
\nSeriously. If Mitch Albom is right, your loved ones will be there eventually anyway. Why give up the sex, food, and silk couches?!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

43. Barbara Walters outsources coverage of hell.<\/strong>
\nApparently she\u2019s afraid of interviewing Marilyn Manson. I can\u2019t blame her. Middle aged men who wear makeup and tight pants scare me too.<\/em><\/p>\n

44. Marilyn Manson is still around?<\/strong>
\nWho knew?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

46. Hindus have 136 versions of hell.<\/strong>
\nThat\u2019s a lot of damnation.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

46. There are actually people living in hell today.\u00a0<\/strong>
\nLiterally, there are apartment complexes in modern day gehenna, the place Jesus refrenced as being like hell.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

47. Also hell (aka modern day gehenna) has a rock climbing park.<\/strong>
\nMaybe hell\u2019s not that bad after all?<\/em><\/p>\n

48. Barbara Walters is not above using a clip from Bill and Ted\u2019s Bogus Journey<\/em>.<\/strong>
\nThat\u2019s what I call top notch journalism.<\/em><\/p>\n

49. The first record of hell comes from Babylonians.<\/strong>
\nIt was basically just hanging out underground. Not too bad if you ask me. <\/em><\/p>\n

50. The first idea of torture in hell comes from Egyptians.<\/strong>
\nDamn Egyptians.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

51. The Roman Catholic church has apparently abandoned the idea of limbo.<\/strong>
\nI assume that means the Pope just got tired of getting beat at limbo at the annual Vatican picnic.<\/em><\/p>\n

52. Almost 90% of Americans believe in heaven.<\/strong>
\nWe like to believe in things we like.<\/em><\/p>\n

53. Only around 60% of Americans believe in hell.<\/strong>
\nWe don\u2019t like to believe in things we don\u2019t like.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Well, there you have it. Everything I learned about heaven from Barbara Walters. Did you catch the heavenly special? If so, was there anything else that you learned?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 This weekend 20\/20 ran a Barbara Walters special called Heaven: Where is it? How do we get there? If you didn\u2019t see it, you missed a sometimes interesting, sometimes cliche look into what heaven may or may not be liked as seen through the eyes of various spiritual authorities. I was able to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3437,"featured_media":7225,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n53 Things I Learned About Heaven From Barbara Walters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"    This weekend 20\/20 ran a Barbara Walters special called Heaven: Where is it? How do we get there? 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