Should I Join A Coven? A Few Things To Consider

A group of witches is called a coven. The word stems from the same linguistic root as “convene” and “convent” and generally means “to gather”. Covens form for a variety of purposes and take on all manner of shapes and sizes. Some folk swear that thirteen witches makes a coven and others say only three witches are required. I’ve heard stories of covens making magic together for twenty, thirty, even forty years and I’ve known covens that flamed out in thirty days.

So why should you consider joining a coven (or accepting an invitation to join one)? A lot of that depends on the purpose of the coven and what you’re looking to gain from it.

A Coven Is A Witch’s Family

Yes, sort of… I love the notion that a coven acts like a family and I bet there are many covens that do operate this way. If I imagine what a family of witches looks like, I might picture a huge house with altars in every room. There would be an apothecary with jars filled with potions and lotions and herbs. Our herbs would come from our own garden, that we lovingly tended. There would be a library and Books of Shadows and secret rooms and we’d do rituals and spells all the time. If there was a disagreement, we’d consult the elder witch or high priestess. Meals and chores and finances would be shared and I’d know, at every moment, that I was home.

If this is what your coven looks like, you rock and I’m totally jealous! I do know a few folk who do have this but it took years of co-housing consultations and difficult conversations about financial responsibilities. Lawyers were involved, and estate planning and lots of tears and shouting.

The reality is this isn’t the reality for most witches.

But having said that, it really is possible to form strong, familial bonds with covenmates. I know I have. There are witches I am in coven with or have been in coven with that mean the world to me. We’ve developed trust, respect, affection and a deep love for the magic we do together. And like any family, we have different needs and skills and our own set of gifts and challenges that we work through. Good boundaries and clear expectations of why we exist as a coven alleviate stresses that might otherwise cause tension.

Can a Coven Quilt And Do Magic?

Knowing why a coven exists is really important. I know covens that talk through the challenges of their personal lives, listen intently to each other, and sew spells into quilts. The quilts are then donated to local maternity wards or hospices. Their magic is about midwifery at the beginning and the end of life. Other groups I’ve known light flaming pentacles on the beach, strip naked, perform a spell, howl at the moon, and then get shit-face drunk. Either of these covens might appeal to you or be the total and complete opposite of what you are looking for. Covens can exist for all sorts of reasons and there’s really only one component that must be present: making magic. If magic isn’t happening at least some of the time, however you define that, then you have a social group, not a coven.

A Coven Can Be Temporary

A coven can last for a lifetime or just serve one particular purpose for a limited time. This is important to know. If the coven forms for a particular magical purpose, like a political rally for instance, its lifespan could be quite short. Once the rally is done, so is the coven. If you’re expecting the coven to continue on for years until justice and equality have been achieved for everyone (a lovely reason to have a coven, for sure), but no one else thinks that way, you could be devastated.

It’s amazing to be part of a functioning, committed coven. Part of what makes the magic so dynamic is knowing when the coven might end. Temporary covens have an urgency about them that a decades old coven might not.

Good Questions To Ask

A couple of years ago I was asked to join a coven and I was really excited about it. I hadn’t been in a personal coven for several years and I was missing that regular, magical connection. In this case, the coven was in a tradition I wasn’t part of and that meant learning a new system I wasn’t familiar with. I asked lots of questions before joining and I was asked lots of questions before being accepted. Asking questions is a good magical practice.

Here are questions you might consider:

• Is this coven part of a tradition?
• How often does the coven meet?
• What are the expectations of coven members?
• Do I need to contribute financially?
• What are the basic tenets of the the coven?
• Are we “out” or is this a secret? Why is it a secret?
• Are there expectations about sex within the coven? (NO REALLY ASK THIS!)
• Would you exclude me or any person from this coven because they are ________?
• How does one join/leave this coven?

Coven Resources

If you are starting a coven or looking to form a coven there are a thousand ways to make it work and ten thousand ways to screw it up! Here are some handy resources that might make the learning process a little less steep.

Wiccan Deal Breakers – Oathbound with Thorn Mooney – This is a no nonsense blog post talking specifically about covens

Pagan Leadership Anthology edited by Shauna Aura Knight and Taylor Elwood – A terrific resource written by all sorts of folk in pagan leadership.

Covencraft: Witchcraft For Three Or More by Amber K – Originally published in 1998, this was the resource for many years. Some of the info is a little dated, but the content on the whole is fabulous.