Christian Pastor Who Wrote a Hilarious Book About Dating Just Lost His Job. Guess Why?

In 1994, Pastor Jack Schaap wrote the greatest book *ever* on the subject of dating.

Dating With A Purpose is free to read online and features such gems as these tips on how a girl can catch a guy’s eye:

(3) By all means, keep your weight down to the proper level. Hundreds upon hundreds of times I have had young men tell me that they would date a particular girl in whom they were interested if only she would lose a few pounds.

(4) Fix your hair every day. Go to the library, study books on hair care and find new ways to wear your hair.

(5) Wear dresses with shoulder padding, puffy shoulders, or expanded shoulders.

(6) Don’t be afraid to wear modest amounts of make-up. But, be very careful about using excessive eye shadow. Many guys are turned off by dark or colored eye shadow.

(7) Don’t be trendy. One of my best friends in college nearly broke up with his future wife because she was the first to wear colored stockings among her peers. I realize this sounds very trite, but I’m trying to give you ladies a bit of insight into the complex male thinking.

Yeah… this guy sounds like he’s full of Good Christian Wisdom and insights into the impossibly-difficult-to-understand male mindset.

So guess where I’m going with this story? GUESS!

At this time, we deeply regret the need to announce that First Baptist Church has dismissed our pastor, Dr. Jack Schaap, due to a sin that has caused him to forfeit his right to be our pastor. First Baptist Church is in full cooperation with our local authorities in their investigation of this matter. Our church grieves over the need to take this action and the impact it will have on our people.

According to the Christian Post, “An extra-marital affair, possibly with a teenager, might be the reason for Schaap’s dismissal.”

You get the feeling that even Schaap knew his advice wasn’t worth taking seriously…

***Update***: It gets worse:

The girl in question was 16 when the alleged affair began in April, said a source, and was affiliated with the church’s Hyles-Anderson College near Schererville although not a student.

Yikes. I would be reveling in the Schadenfreude if the crime wasn’t so damned disturbing.

(via Christian Nightmares)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=590887601 Rick Sparlock Facundo

    His next book should be titled: ‘Dating with a Purpose: How to drop the soap and make it look like an accident’.

    • Ibis3

      No prison rape jokes, please. It’s just a way of approving rape as a form of punishment.

      • anonymous_person

        I’m always baffled by those who think prison rape jokes are acceptable. As a person who has served time in a prison, I find it not funny at all.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JBAMPHNDKNSKDNVTY3VRYGWMYQ Jack

          Serious question: are “non-prison” rape jokes acceptable? because I heard a joke about raping Hitler and it was awesome :i

      • http://www.facebook.com/AnonymousBoy Larry Meredith

         That joke in no way was approving of rape as a form of punishment. It was approving of rape as a desired sexual fetish. “How to drop the soap and make it look like an accident“, meaning only pretending it’s an accident because you want to be raped.

        if someone has a sexual fetish for getting raped, I really don’t see any problem with that. Let them have their fetish. It’s not your place to shame them for having a turn on you disapprove of.

        and yes, lots of people do have a sexual interest in getting raped. It’s not just something people say to make rape acceptable.

        • The Other Weirdo

           You’re defending the wrong thing, though. Nobody’s talking about banning rape jokes in general.

        • http://twitter.com/mythreedollars My Three Dollars

          To say “in no way” suggests that statements are available for multiple interpretation–meaning to condone some form of rape might not have been the intent, but it certainly can still be understood as doing so.  I certainly read the statement as a prison rape joke not only sanction rape, erases male-male rape as happening only outside of “decent” society, and almost always accompany it with a good wiff of homophobia.

          Yes, people fantasized about being raped, but that is a fantasy, and doesn’t mean they actually want to be–or, even if they think they do, that they understand what it’s like to truly be forced into an unwanted sexual encounter.  To say that people fantasize about rape also doesn’t mean that we have to approve of jokes about rape.

          Jokes “often” aren’t meant to make a morally agreeable point? How do we perform that calculus?  Sometimes, perhaps, but jokes are often political and moral in the kind of claims they make.  And even if we want to agree that they “often don’t” (and I don’t agree to that), then how does that invalidate the concern that THIS joke may be morally reprehensible.  People make racist, sexist, homophobic jokes all the time “facetiously,” are they then exempt from being called out as such? Can we say that the person objecting to THIS joke might have a point that you (obviously) disagree with without resorting to an ad hominem attack?

          • http://www.facebook.com/AnonymousBoy Larry Meredith

             I too read it as a prison rape joke. Are we to assume though that nobody in prison fantasizes about being raped?

            Yes, people fantasized about being raped, but that is a fantasy, and
            doesn’t mean they actually want to be–or, even if they think they
            do, that they understand what it’s like to truly be forced into an
            unwanted sexual encounter.

            That just shows that you don’t understand the meaning of rape. In it’s basic definition would be to have sex with someone without their consent. Not necessarily meaning it’s unwanted. Sex, whether or not it’s wanted, is still rape if there’s no consent. It’s not your place to say they don’t “really” want it. That’s like saying gays don’t “really” want sex with people of the same gender.

            This joke isn’t morally reprehensible. To say that is to condemn people’s sexual desires simply because you find it distasteful. So congratulations on being far more offensive than this joke ever was.

            People make racist, sexist, homophobic jokes all the time “facetiously,” are they then exempt from being called out as such?

            Do you understand the meaning of facetious? Facetious: Treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humour. A racist, sexist or homophobic joke that is made facetiously isn’t approving of anything. It’s deliberately made to be inappropriate. Meaning it’s not considered suitable, proper, or correct to the person telling the joke. It’s supposed to be wrong. So calling it out as wrong would be unnecessary since that was exactly the intention of the person saying it.

            I haven’t attacked anyone’s personal motives or character. All I’ve done is explain the logic because the joke and behind facetious humour in general. So please tell me where I was performing the ad hominem logical fallacy.

  • Stev84

    This appears to be standard operating procedure for Baptist churches. They have their own long string of sex and abuse scandals. Their theology is uniquely suited for shaming and shutting up victims when they don’t “forgive” their abusers.

  • Notoftenpunctual

    He about broke up with her because of colored tights? I don’t even know what to say to that. (Except that it’s clearly a set up for the most obvious sort of stereotypical gay guy-in-the-closet joke.) 

    • The Other Weirdo

       Oddly, though, the pastor’s entire premise is built on the actions of this one friend of his. Even a house of cards is built on a firmer foundation than that.

  • Megan

    I bet that girl wore excessive dark eye shadow and coloured tights!

  • Guest

    omg, when I read the quote from his book I thought he is joking..

  • Michael

    So is 16 below the age of consent in his state?

    • http://annainca.blogspot.com/ Anna

      He’s from Indiana, and Wikipedia says the age of consent is 16.

      • Travshad

        The association with the church’s school might make him technically a “child care worker” in relation to the girl.  It is a crime (child seduction) in Indiana for a child care worker (an employee of a school) to have sexual relations with someone in their care who is under 18. 

        • Michael

          Right, so abuse of power rather than underage sex.

          Kinda like a psychiatrist sleeping with a patient.

  • george.w


    First Baptist Church is in full cooperation with our local authorities in their investigation of this matter.”

    See, Catholic church? Not so hard. Do it that way and in the long run your reputation will be much better.

    • Wild Rumpus

       EXACTLY my thoughts on this.  Way to lead by example, Baptists!

    • Stev84

      They aren’t always like that. They’ve also covered up and ignored their share of sex abuse:

      http://www.stopbaptistpredators.org/

  • Caroline

    Complex male thinking: “I just hate coloured tights so much.”

    • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

      My guess was that the complex thoughts were more like, “This woman isn’t a follower, she might get ideas and start thinking or something. Definitely not wife material.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/abramjlarson Abram Larson

    My guess was only half correct. I was surprised that his extramarital affair was with a female. I was thinking “rentboy” the whole time.

  • mcurn

    Oh, it gets even better, read this stuff he wrote: 
    http://www.faithfulwordbaptist.org/schaap.html

    • Ibis3

       The only thing odd is that such eroticising is more uncommon in Protestant theology and interpretation. It’s totally par for the course in medieval and counter-Reformation exegesis. It’s bizarre that someone would label it blasphemous (except that modern Christians are so ignorant of their religion).

  • Matthew Prorok

    You know what I hate? Living in a world where this is not, in any measure, a surprise. I want to be shocked when people who claim to know the will of the absolute moral authority which rules the universe do things like have affairs with 16-year-old girls. But I’m not. It’s old hat.

    • unclemike

       Mary was only about 15 when she had Jesus…

      • The Other Weirdo

         How do you know this?

        • unclemike

           https://www.google.com/#hl=en&gs_nf=1&tok=ep7g6g-en7Cb_-UDX_E6iQ&cp=16&gs_id=fw&xhr=t&q=how+old+was+mary+when+she+had+jesus&pf=p&output=search&sclient=psy-ab&oq=how+old+was+mary&gs_l=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&fp=38c25b703d96a957&biw=1280&bih=666

          But, considering that they never existed, it’s kind of a moot point, eh?

          • usclat

            Exactly. Get a clue TOW.

        • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

          The Catholic encyclopedia has a detailed page on the Virgin mary and has the following to say about it.

          “From the age at which Hebrew maidens became marriageable, it is possible that Mary gave birth to her Son when she was about thirteen or fourteen years of age. No historical document tells us how old she actually was at the time of the Nativity.”

          This passage was from the following link.
          http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15464b.htm

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    It was those padded, puffy, expanded shoulders. He couldn’t resist.

    • Pollo Diablo

      shoulder pads –> rawr!

    • Stev84

       So 80s…

  • Tainda

    I could do all that to catch a man but it wouldn’t be the kind of man I would want lol

    And did anyone else get a picture of the Duggar mom in their heads when reading those rules?

  • ErickaMJohnson

    As awful as what this man did, it is very heartening to see that this institution reacted appropriately. This is what leadership looks like. 
    I applaud First Baptist Church for their response! 

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, who listens

      yeah, credit where credit is due. they probably knew about it all along, though. you know how these groups like to let criminal behavior fester in their midst while they look the other way because the person doing it is a celebrity or moneymaker. 

  • badger3k

    I wonder if the girl followed all the tips in the book?  

  • Nordog

    “I would be reveling in the Schadenfreude if the crime wasn’t so damned disturbing.”

    Would be?

  • advancedatheist

    Those christian clergymen seem to get more action than a lot of atheist guys.

    For an example of the latter, William J. Murray, the son of Madalyn Murray O’Hair who converted to christianity, writes in his Mommie Dearest book that Madalyn’s atheism included on the agenda the creation of a swinging sexual utopia. Yet elsewhere on the internet he basically calls his deceased atheist brother Jon Murray a 40-year-old virgin, even though Jon had lived with Madalyn and his niece Robin (William’s daughter) right up through their abduction and murder in 1995. William also writes that his daughter Robin had trouble finding boyfriends.  Apparently Madalyn’s sexual utopia didn’t exist at home; instead Jon and Robin lived more like sexually abstinent christians than like  the libertine Fantasy Atheists presented in christian propaganda about us.

    • Tainda

      Don’t I know it!  I have issues finding men as well because I am so damned picky it’s not even funny.  It has nothing to do with looks either lol

      Living in Missouri is not conducive to finding a decent atheist guy.

      • Randomfactor

        Not so many opportunities in the Bible Belt of California, either.

        • Baby_Raptor

          Yeah. Dating in the bible belt is just a HORRIBLE idea. 

          I lucked out; met my fiance thanks to My Little Pony via the internet. He lives in NY, and is utterly mind blown when I tell him about life down here in the South. 

      • Shane Guilkey

        If it’s any consolation Tainda, it’s no easier  finding a decent, at least secular woman either.

        There’s nothing wrong with being picky in any of your relationship choices. Don’t settle…

        • Tainda

          Settling definitely isn’t an option with me as I don’t want to get married and don’t have to have a man to complete me like most Christian women do

          • Shane Guilkey

            I feel ya’  Tainda. I’ve resigned myself to being single for the remainder of my days.

  • Pollo Diablo

    “Wear dresses with shoulder padding, puffy shoulders, or expanded shoulders.”
    *stuffs push-up bra padding on shoulders*

  • Pollo Diablo

    “Wear dresses with shoulder padding, puffy shoulders, or expanded shoulders.”
    *stuffs push-up bra padding on shoulders*

  • RobMcCune

    A misogynist fundamentalist pastor turns out to be an immoral, despicable human being. Cue shock.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/FDGYHBEWVNGUG763L5X4TON3JQ Nazani14

    How can a 16-year old be “affiliated with” a college, though not a student there?  Was she mopping the floors?

    Don’t be trendy- because it’s a sign that you may not be content to wear a calico schmata for your entire married life.   Kitchen appliances don’t need to be trendy.

  • Jasmyn

    Wear shoulder pads. That’s as close as a closeted Christian man can openly get to fulfilling his fantasy of seducing the line backer.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, who listens

    well, at least he’s not a closet case. you all can have him. 

  • http://twitter.com/silo_mowbray Silo Mowbray

    On the subject of 16 year olds…

    I was walking to my coffee shop one morning and spied in front of me a young lady with an *exquisite* figure, dressed appropriately for a hot summer, who also went into the coffee shop. It was very bright outside, so it took my eyes a second to adjust to the dimness inside the shop. When I saw the gorgeous young lady I reacted with a combination of “ZOMG” and mild gagging. She was young enough to be my daughter, perhaps 15. I am, of course, a proud dad and I have a little girl who means the world to me. So my reaction might have been magnified by that.

    It makes me wonder at what point, or what age, guys stop eye-banging young girls. If the young lady was 25 I would’ve continued admiring her, but as it was it felt really wrong and creepy. I left the coffee shop feeling both subdued and galvanized. Subdued because “Yuck, inappropriate!” and galvanized because I’m making damn sure my daughter will be wearing sweats until she’s 18. :-p

    • The Other Weirdo

       Years ago, standing in line at a computer store, there was a guy there with a young hot babe practically hanging off of him. You can imagine the store-full of nerd reacting to all this. She was dressed in what amounted to a business suit. Then someone whispered, “Hey, I know that guy, that’s his 15 year old daughter.” The sound of coughing and hacking was well-nigh deafening.

    • http://twitter.com/WCLPeter Rob U

      Snipping here and there…

      She was young enough to be my daughter, perhaps 15.

      If the young lady was 25 I would’ve continued admiring her, but as it was it felt really wrong and creepy.

      Now here’s one that’ll give you a complex, are you sure that young lady you were admiring wasn’t a 25 year old woman who looked 15 or that the 25 year old woman you’re admiring isn’t 15?

      I’ve been noticing more and more lately how its been getting increasingly difficult to tell the difference.

      When I was a kid, even looking at pictures of people from the period of when I was a kid, you could usually have a pretty good idea of how old someone was just by looking at them; these days you can’t.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been burned by talking to someone whom, at first glance, appears to be in their mid-to-late twenties or early thirties only to find out a few minutes into the conversation they’re really in their mid-to-late teens.

      It makes me wonder at what point, or what age, guys stop eye-banging young girls.

      I would like to think that for most guys, at least it is for me, its the point when they no longer look physically mature.  Little kids and young teens are usually really easy to spot because they look like kids and young teens, most people would think they’re cute in the “Awww, that’s so cute!” kind of way but not really be attracted to them physically.  Its only after they’ve reached that undefined moment in their teen years, where they’ve achieved a certain level of physical maturity, when they stop looking like kids and start taking on more adult features that people will, or should, start to notice them on that basis.

      Now once learning their real age an ethical person wouldn’t go for the relationship (I have a somewhat sad story – its been nearly 9 years now, she’s happily married with kids, but I still think about it) because while they might be physically mature, the larger the age gap is between both parties has a direct inverse correlation to her ability to emotionally handle the relationship.

      But looking?  Go for it, nothing wrong with admiring a physically mature young woman that you’re attracted to.

    • Glasofruix

      I’m 25 and i find 18 year old girls too young, especially when i think of the age they had when i was 18…

    • http://annainca.blogspot.com/ Anna

      I left the coffee shop feeling both subdued and galvanized. Subdued because “Yuck, inappropriate!” and galvanized because I’m making damn sure my daughter will be wearing sweats until she’s 18. :-p

      I know you mean that as a joke, but I find those sorts of comments incredibly creepy and sexist. It’s a common theme in the religious world that fathers should control their daughters’ sexuality. I would prefer not to see atheists fall into that line of thinking, too. Covering up your daughter to protect her from the male gaze is just reinforcing the same harmful and patriarchal notions that emanate from the Christian “purity” movement.

  • R Nilsson

    So where have your linguistic skillz been hiding? Schaap means sheep (obviously) and his first name is Jack. Whaddaya expect he’ll do, hunh? As a Pastor*, specifically? Refering here to the venereal General Yu, of course. Too muck dazzling makeup, maybe?

    Plus, that book was written before this yewkid was even born, amirite?

    There’s probably some condemnation in Teh Babble for that ancient, ancient crime. And nobody ever knew.

    * (Pastor means shepherd, geddit? Aw man, graze on)

  • http://www.facebook.com/don.gwinn Don Gwinn

    “8)  Men are complete idiots, so try to keep that in mind as you make lifestyle choices and you should be fine.

    9)  I don’t really have nine of these . . . uh . . . don’t send compromising photos, texts, emails, etc. unless you’re actually with your man, so you know he’s the only one who will see them. I cannot stress the importance of this tip enough.  Men like a good figure, but what really turns a man on is discretion.

    10)  Build trust.  A man needs to feel that you are his confidante, so that he feels that his secrets are safe with you.  It’s important that you show by both words and actions that you aren’t the kind of untrustworthy girl who would go blabbing to a wife, for example, or law enforcement, if your feelings change.”

    • The Other Weirdo

       Da faque did I just read? Is he suggesting that a man needs to trust a woman with the secret of where all the bodies are buried?

  • Edmond

    So wait a minute.

    Under the advice “Don’t be trendy”, he gives an anecdote of a man who nearly broke up with his fiancee because she was the FIRST to wear colored stockings among her peers?  If she was the FIRST, then how exactly was she being “trendy”?  Trendy means following the crowd (ironic advice, coming from clergy).  You’re not the trendy one if you START the trend.

    Sheesh, these girls can’t win for losing with guys like this.  They’re damned if they do, and damned if they don’t.

    • Pcyankmac03

      There’s also the odd point that she was the first to wear Coloured Stockings.  Erm… was this in 1935? Unless they weren’t nylon–maybe purple wool from 1850?

      • Edmond

        Well, it does say that she’s first “among her peers”.  So I don’t think it’s implied that she was the first EVER.

  • Clarissa

    I read this whole thing and it was hysterical beyond belief– especially chapters 7 and 24. Thanks for the great read!

  • http://twitter.com/Cafeeine Cafeeine

    Jack Schaap, where do I remember this guy from…. Oh yeah.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqN9Oan3YnU

  • Guest

    There are over 2 billion Christians in the world.  This one just did a stupid – and wrong – thing.  And this means what?  Glad to see the current trend of atheist thought is holding its own. Why do I get the impression you could probably dig just as deep and find a few atheists who have done wrong or gone against what they said they believed.  Mature people usually don’t lower themselves to such choir preaching.  I’m glad to say I don’t.

    • Baby_Raptor

      Get back to us when Atheists regularly call for the deaths of ponies who disagree with them, treat ponies who disagree with them as subhuman, trample all over the Constitution, attempt to force their views on everypony else while screaming that the mere existence of views not theirs is persecution…And do all this while enjoying so much privilege they drown in it.

      We’ll wait. 

    • http://twitter.com/silo_mowbray Silo Mowbray

      The rich tapestry of irony in this one statement from a Christian is positively delicious:

      “Mature people usually don’t lower themselves to such choir preaching.”

  • http://twitter.com/tkmlac Katie

    That just makes me sick. I had a feeling just from the headline that it would be something like this.

  • thebigJ_A

    She was asking for it, though. Did you SEE how big her puffy shoulders were?!?

  • Merusso

    ‎PLEASE LEAVE US CHRISTIANS ALONE!!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT WHAT WE DO.OUR FATHER DEVIL & MOTHER HELL, SO ALL OF YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT REALLY WE LOVE.

  • TAMHORNER1963

    He’s a man so he fucked a young girl she was whiling. Ido not believe in the bible or any religion. It is all bullshit. We were lied to for thousands of years to keep us under the governments thumb. not to think not to ?. But now we no the truth through science and comn scence. People find it easer to be leave that there is a god in the sky a heaven or hell then to realize that this is it your one and only chance to make your life count because it’s light out people when you die. It makes living your life so much better.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rwfollett Rob Follett

    Wow.  That’s not just adultery folks.  That’s child abuse or worse

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=625429396 Andrew Kilian

    You just can’t make this shit up, I swear.

  • Lord Incaros

    Actually the hair thing isn’t THAT bad. A lot of men (and some women) tend to be more attracted to certain hair styles. I don’t really get the “Don’t be trendy thing” or the shoulder pads. And as for being the right weight…as shallow as this seems, that one is more or less true. For both males AND females. At least for teenagers. Of course, studying about hair care and styles is a bit dumb. Those are the reasons you get blackmail on your friends for. :D


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X