God, Too, is Subject to Forces of Evolution

The Onion just confirmed it:

“That potential for threats made it an evolutionary imperative for the primate god to develop omnipotence,” Kamen continued. “As well as sharp claws and pointed incisors.”

Though its smaller brain limited its cognitive abilities, the chimpanzee deity is believed to have possessed not only self-awareness, but also spatial intelligence, object permanence, and a rudimentary capacity for knowing all that is, all that has been, and all that ever will be.

Hilarious 🙂

Somewhere, a Charisma writer is generating enough outrage to write an article about how this is proof that Christians are being persecuted.