This May Be the Scariest Christian Summer Camp I’ve Ever Seen

I’ve heard of Vacation Bible School and Christian summer camps in general. But S.M.I.T.E. (Summer Missionary Institute of Training and Evangelism) is brand new to me.

And holy shit. The application is bananas.

The preaching is very direct, HOT! Those that are easily offended need not apply. We only use the King James Version of the Bible. We stand against liberalism, modernism, all forms of rock and roll, country western, and contemporary music. We support and enforce modest dress and behavior. We DO NOT support nor encourage the world’s view of “Dating”. The typical “boyfriend/girlfriend relationships” are not allowed at this institute; therefore “fraternizing” is not permitted. Most activities will have the boys separated from the girls in order to decrease distractions.

They’re clearly taking precautions after the Deadly Cootie Outbreak of ’14.

We’re just getting started.

Here’s the dress code for men:

Sports shirt and appropriate pants. Dress shirts and tie are required for evening services. No T-shirts with artwork unless approved by the management. No low waist pants are allowed. Hair must be neat and well kept and must not touch the ears, eyes, or collar. No Afros, punk, weed eater, or cool dude hairstyles. No necklaces, earrings, nose rings, or any other effeminate apparel.

I skipped right over the whole racist “afro” thing and jumped to “weed eater.” What the hell is that? (Urban Dictionary did not help.)

But that’s nothing compared to the dress code for women (of course). Theirs came with visual help:

So if you breasts have developed (at the behest of Satan) and you have a desire to show off those scandalous clavicles, don’t even bother applying. You’ll tempt the men with your inherently-immodest existence.

That’s not all:

If you do not dress accordingly, we will provide clothing. (Things you may not want to wear)

It’ll probably some of the effeminate things the boys were caught wearing…

And:

Shirts should be long enough so no mid-drift will show when you sit, bend over, or raise your arms.

“Mid-drift”?

The application also asks for the email address you use for your Facebook page (so they can find you and judge your pictures).

This may be the most horrifying summer camp I’ve ever seen.

S.M.I.T.E. is sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship, the same organization that oversees the Good News Clubs (which are like elementary school versions of Campus Crusade for Christ).

So, you know, if you don’t have any plans this summer, check them out.

And then make a donation to Camp Quest for the sole reason that they’re nothing like this.

(via Stuff Fundies Like)