More than Mortal Beauty
Beautiful Sex and the Impact of Porn in Marriage
In the past, I've written about various forms of beauty—beautiful art, beautiful pro-life girls, and my beautiful Catholic faith. Today I want to write about the beauty of sex.
Sex is beautiful. Sexual beauty exists in the physical manifestation of marriage, the two becoming one flesh. Outside of marriage, sex loses its purpose and just becomes the physical manifesting of nothingness - of lust disconnected from love. Married sex is indeed superior. It is a giving of one's self in the most physically intimate way and opens itself up to the creation of life.
For every good there is an evil. If married sex is good then evil looks to pervert that. The perversion of which I speak is pornography. Pornography and the graphic sexual images that have become so commonplace in movies, television, and advertising that the naked human form no more arouses or excites. Sex has become normalized and blasé, no more than an expected part of our daily routine, like flossing.
How beautiful indeed.
A person who is not sexually active is viewed as odd—just look at the way Catholic celibacy is held in scorn. Is it no wonder sex is now so boring that couples turn to pornography to "spice things up"? It saddens me when I hear this justification used to allow pornography to enter a home and slither into a couple's marital bed.
Incorporating the use of pornography is as beneficial to your marital sex life as having a threesome with a disease ridden meth addicted hooker. That sounds beautiful doesn't it?
Pornography is the absolute worst thing you can do to your marriage. A man, or even a woman, who engages in viewing pornography will gradually become less stimulated with the actual sex act. They will need to constantly feed sexual desires with increasingly graphic pornographic images. This increased sexual appetite is for porn; it is not for our spouse.
Rather than creating hypersexual men as some predicted few decades ago, porn viewing actually decreases a man's ability to be sexually responsive. Research is showing the inundation of porn creates a neutralizing effect on a man's ability for sexual arousal.
The proof of this dying arousal can be found in the barrage of commercials and spam emails offering men pharmacological assistance in their love lives.
No one is watching pornography for its gripping plot or dynamic characters. The sole purpose of pornography is for the immediate sexual gratification of the single viewer. A porn movie aims to strip away the development of a healthy relationship and the natural progression of courtship to marriage and fast-forwards straight to the honeymoon. When you remove all the good and beautiful bits of a relationship that ends in marital bliss all you're left with is two sticks rubbing together to make fire.
After you become sexually dissatisfied with your spouse and your wife feels insecure about her appearance and resentful the next stop on our Porn Back Alley Tour is divorce.
At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers noted that the Internet was playing an increasing role in marital splits, with excessive online porn watching contributing to more than half of the divorces. According to Richard Barry, president of the association, "Pornography had an almost nonexistent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago." Now that statistic is up to 85% of marriages ending due to the contributing factors of porn.
Porn is an addiction, and like all addictions it must be fed and as a tolerance is built the dosage must be made stronger and stronger. I've seen men spiral out of control as their addiction spreads from soft porn, like a Playboy magazine, to hardcore, violent, and even child porn. I've seen men no longer content with images on a computer monitor and normal healthy marital sex seek out prostitutes and risk their wives health. I've seen children exposed to their parents growing porn collection. Sadly, I've seen marriages ended as result.
Quite plainly, pornography is the evil perversion of good and beautiful sex between two married people. If pornography has found its way under your roof I strongly encourage you to seek help. A good place to start is SAA and by talking with your priest or some other clergy. If you seek the counsel of a psychologist it is extremely important you find one that will actually help you and not try to normalize pornography—as many do.
Katrina Fernandez studied art history at VCU. Her blog, The Crescat, can be found here at Patheos.