Contraception obscures a profound dimension of ourselves: our ability to become "one flesh" with another. It is remarkable that our reproductive capacity is the only system in the human body that cannot function on its own; it must work in concert with the system of a person of the opposite sex. Obscuring that capacity in a relationship makes it very difficult to practice chastity, here defined as "excellence in sexual relationship," with a lifelong partner. And why is such a practice useful? Because chastity by definition must be lifelong, and over the course of life that practice becomes mandatory. Why? Because human beings get sick; they travel; they have children who interrupt their sex life; they get stressed at work; they experience depression; they have periods of loss and of grief. It is critical to the success of a lifelong relationship to develop chastity, including at times specifically abstaining from copulation altogether, simply because even if it is not practiced by choice, at times it will happen by virtue of necessity.
The alternative to contraception isn't asexuality, coldness in relationship, or complete abstinence from any form of sexual expression. It is the organic practice of chastity, excellence in all forms of relationship, including the sexual. That, I want to suggest, is why of all the metaphors for divine love in the Bible, marriage is used as the primary one to convey the way that God loves. For a marriage in which the partners commit to encouraging each other in the practice of chastity is one in which the priority is on sustaining love for the whole of life, which is as close as we get to mirroring God's love.
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