The Challenge of Raising the Perfectly Imperfect Child: Q&A With Boris Vujicic

What is one spiritual lesson you learned as you parented Nick?

Although we often felt overwhelmed, like many parents, we learned to take the challenges as they came and to rely on God's strength whenever we felt weak. Dushka and I leaned on each other, on our faith, and on our family, as well as our entire community of supportive friends.

You encourage parents to allow themselves to grieve without guilt after they learn of their child's disability. How important is it to allow yourself to grieve?

I worry more about those who don't grieve than about those who do. Professional therapists say we shouldn't stifle our feelings. We should allow them to run their course so that powerful emotions are vented and hopefully pass. This process can be unpredictable, and the patterns vary greatly. Grief is part of the human experience, part of every life and, I'm sorry to say, part of the journey when expectations for a perfect, healthy child are not met. We should not be ashamed for expressing our sorrow and allowing our tears to flow. I say this especially for other fathers. Men are socialized not to cry because emotional displays are seen as a sign of weakness. If we can love, we can hurt. They have dreams and expectations for their children, just as mothers do. We can be strong and still express our fears and hurt, just as the Bible reveals Jesus often did. There is no shame in that. We all need time to absorb, to adapt and to adjust.

You say something quite profound: We allow our children to lead us to understanding. What new understanding has being Nick's father brought you?

The trap many mothers and fathers fall into is that they think they have to become superparents who have all the answers, energy, and hopefulness their children will ever need. Most of us just aren't that wonderful, but we don't have to be. We only have to do our best, have faith, and lean on our loved ones and whatever other support we can find. Our experiences with Nick have given us a much deeper awareness of the value of every human being, as well as a richer appreciation for life's blessings and the staggering power of God's presence in our lives. Medical experts, psychologists, and therapists gave us their advice on what Nick needed, but in truth, he was our best source of information and inspiration.

You say Nick was not easily daunted by his disabilities and he proved to be more self-reliant than you had anticipated. Can you give an example of one way that he rose above your expectations?

Dushka and I were surprised and delighted when he was able to stand and walk by using his little foot for leverage. He also learned to use his foot to compensate for his lack of arms and hands and quickly became adept at manipulating it. And we were inspired, touched and thrilled as he taught himself to place his forehead on the carpet, and arch his back until he could scoot his lower body forward, slowly raising his body. We never dreamed that he would one day do things he really enjoys like surfing, skydiving and snowboarding! And we never would have imagined that he would travel to more than 44 countries and speak to millions of people through events and YouTube.

Now Nick is married to Kanae and has two children. What has it been like for you to see this come about?

Seeing our son now with his wife and two children has brought us full circle in our journey of faith. Nearly all the doubts and fears and worries that shook our faith in Nick's early days have been swept away. We had questioned God's love of Nick. We questioned whether any woman could love and marry him and wondered if he would ever have a family of his own. Being parents will surely challenge Nick and Kanae, and it will likely stress their bonds of marriage, but Dushka and I have great confidence that they will continue to live a life without limits as they follow God's plan.