Why do I do the things that I hate?

Why do I do the things that I hate? July 27, 2009

This just dropped from nowhere this morning:

Why do I do the things that I hate
And hate the things that I do?
Why do I bother to promise myself
That to Jesus I’ll always be true?
When it’s obvious from all my actions
Or lack of, or even my thoughts
That the person I care about pleasing
Is myself–what a terrible thought!
I pray to the Savior to save me
From temptation, and even myself;
But it’s clear that I really don’t mean it
For my purity sits on a shelf
Like a thing that I greatly admire
But cannot in essence be mine.
I repeat to myself that I want it
And whisper to Jesus Divine,
“Oh my Savior, I beg You to help me,
I find myself falling so fast.
You’re the only one Who can now save me.
I’m begging, I’m pleading, I ask–
But You won’t take away my desires.
In fact, they are getting much worse.
I know that You hope I’ll be better
And with You I can vanquish this curse.
So even though, Jesus, I’ve faltered,
I’m coming back to You once more.
I ask You to cleanse me completely
And toss all my sins out the door.
I know by myself I can’t manage,
So please grasp my trembling hand,
And together my faults we will conquer,
‘Til before You victorious I stand!

The first two lines had been rumbling around my head for years. But this is the first time anything ever came of them. I realize it’s a little trite, but still, it really seemed  to drop out of the sky.

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