“I Love You. Do You Love Me?”

“Mom, I love you. Do you love me?”

I vaguely remember repeating these words to my mom before I was old enough to go to school. My parents confirm this. As a young boy, I would need constant affirmation that I was loved. I am told when various people came in and out of our house (the exterminator, electrician, plumber, friends) they would look puzzled at my parents because I always expressed my love and asked for it in return.

If I am being honest, I still have that need. I don’t go around declaring it constantly and I certainly don’t go asking for it. But I think it’s hardwired in me to need love and affirmation. Sure. It looks different now. But it’s still there.

That’s fine and cute and warm and fuzzy for a potty-in-training toddler who is just learning to talk. But we would think an adult who did this is, well, a bit off. Can you imagine seeing two grown men have an exchange where one declares his love and then asks if he’s loved in return? Yeah. Awkward. To say the least.

If you think about it, the exchange between Jesus and Peter in John 21 after the massive catch of fish and breakfast is, well, a bit weird. We have two grown men talking about love, where the most important One is asking for it. Does that strike you as odd? Jesus asking if Peter loves Him?

To be sure, Jesus is restoring Peter after his thrice denial of Him the night He needed Peter the most. They are near a charcoal fire and Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him three times. No question what is going on here.

But still.

Jesus asks if Peter loves Him.

Not once. Not twice. But three different times.

Like I said, it’s fine and cute and warm and fuzzy for a kid. But Jesus?

Was Jesus asking for Peter’s love? Did Jesus need Peter’s love?

We must be careful here because Jesus is God and, as God, is not deficient or needy in any way.

But let’s not forget something else. Jesus was and is completely human. As God He has no needs. But as God who is also human, He is wired with the desire to be loved just as we are.

Here is what I think is fascinating about this. Jesus isn’t just calling Peter out on his sins in order to clear the air. In fact, Jesus never even mentions the betrayals. Jesus wants to clear the air (which He had decisively done when He came out of the tomb) in order to be in relationship with Peter. Jesus doesn’t just want make sure it’s all “out in the open” so Peter can know he blew it and Jesus can have the upper hand. NO! This is about Jesus expressing His desire for Peter’s love. For the two of them to be in relationship. Together.

Isn’t that the point of everything, anyway?

Isn’t that how all of us, deep down, are hard wired?

To be human is to need love and to give love.

No one likes to say, “I love you” and not hear it in return. When we say we love someone we desire relationship. We desire to be with them.

When Jesus stepped out of the tomb, scarred hands and side, He loudly expressed His love. Isn’t it incredible that He desires our love in return?

We don’t have to wonder if He loves us. The question He asks now is, “Do you love Me?”