I Hate this Verse

“But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.’” (Luke 15:29)

I hate this verse. I feel embarrassed for the elder brother. His prodigal brother is home and everyone is celebrating. Except him. The “good” brother has stayed home. Faithful. Obeying the rules. Doing what he’s supposed to do. Now he’s mad that his brother gets to eat the filet mignon. He has stayed home these years and had casseroles. Veggie casseroles with cream of mushroom soup in the middle and corn flakes on top. All these years the father didn’t even fire up the Big Green Egg for him. All he got was a meal out of the oven or the microwave.

I hate this verse.

I hate it because it is an indictment. An indictment on why I often do what I do as a “son of the Father.” I do things to “get” stuff. I do things to earn stuff. I do things to get the Father’s approval. I do things in the hopes that one day I will finally get what is mine. I do things so I will get my due. I eat veggie casserole hoping that one day everyone will see my devotion and faithfulness. I choke down leftovers in the hopes that one day the Father will rent out Stoney River and celebrate – in the presence of everyone – how loyal and faithful and moral and righteous and obedient I have been.

I hate this verse because it reveals how often I, like this son, miss the point of it all. The point is to be with, not do for. The point is relationship, not ritual. The Father’s heart was broken, not merely because the younger son went off to sow his “wild living” oats, but because he left him. He left HIM. Similarly, the Father’s heart was broken at home because the other son was dutifully doing for, not enjoying being with.

When the Father went out to plead with the older son to come to the party, the reason for his anger is revealed. His heart is laid bare. His motives are obvious: “You never gave me. . .” Translation: “I did all this to get from, not to be with.”

Why do I do what I do as a Christian? What is my motivation for doing what I do? Or, what is my motivation for doing what I don’t do? Do I want to be with the Father, enjoying His presence, loving Him for Him? Or, am I hoping to use all my “work” as leverage against Him one day when I don’t get what I am hoping to get?

Father, please reveal to me areas where I use You to get. Nothing is better than being in Your presence, doing life with You. Lead me – constantly – to this end. Amen.