Forming relationships involves significant effort and dedication. Establishing a loving relationship necessitates love, time, effort, and commitment. There are distinct types of relationships encompassing numerous aspects of our lives, including familial relationships, educational relationships, professional relationships, romantic relationships, and platonic relationships. For most individuals, 85-95% of their time is spent with their partner, family, and colleagues. Friendships and associations tend to be secondary. This observation holds for my personal experience.
Romantic Relationships
Let us examine loving relationships. Feldman cites Erickson and similarly advises: “Erickson’s idea of intimacy comprises several aspects. One is a large degree of selflessness, involving the sacrifice of one’s own needs to those of another. A further component involves sexuality, the experience of joint pleasure from focusing not just on one’s own gratification but also on that of one’s partner. Finally, there is deep devotion, marked by efforts to fuse one’s own identity with the identity of the partner.” It took me a long time to develop the type of love Erickson speaks of. To be exact, it took me thirty-seven years, and it is still being perfected. It took my parents a lifetime, but they made it to 52 years before passing on.
Types of Relationships
There are many types of loving relationships. All loving relationships are not limited to solely romantic relationships. What comes to mind when you think of a relationship? At first thought, I thought of every facet of my life. This includes my marriage, family, work, church, and my sorority. Feldman identifies two types of love: passionate and companionate. Passionate love is a romantic type of love, whereas companionate love is a platonic type of relationship.
Attachment Styles
Attachment styles are also a factor in all loving relationships, which stems from infancy, according to Feldman. Each style can impact the relationship in either a positive or negative manner. Feldman’s three attachment styles include: secure attachment style, avoidant attachment style, and the ambivalent style. The style most present in romantic relationships that works most effectively is the secure attachment style, where commitment is present. This makes the relationship more viable. The avoidant style, in contrast, provides less stability and may not be as healthy for a relationship. Similarly, the ambivalent style also works most effectively when the secure attachment style is present, as it indicates commitment. This strengthens the relationship’s viability. In contrast, the avoidant style offers less stability and may be less healthy for a relationship. Similarly, the ambivalent style often lacks stability and long-term commitment.
Infinite Love
The ability to love is a divine gift. By applying the principles found in our faith to all our relationships, we can foster and maintain loving relationships. Love started with God. Love is conveyed in the scriptures. God commands us to love on all levels of relationships. John 13:34-35 (CJB) states: “I am giving you a new command; that you keep on loving each other. In the same way I have loved you, you are also to keep on loving each other. Everyone will know that you are my talmidim by the fact that you have love for each other.” I Peter 4:8 (CJB) charges us to employ love: “More than anything, keep loving each other actively; because love covers many sins.” I Corinthians 13:13 (CJB) addresses the importance of love. It reveals: “But for now, three things last–trust, hope, love; and the greatest of these is love. Pursue love!”
Evolving Forward
I read an article by Ginsberg on “To Keep a Loving Relationship Alive and Well.” I want to share what I discovered. Ginsberg speaks on the desire for human connectedness between people across the spectrum as it pertains to long term relationships and opines: “Love is wonderful, but no one ever said love relationships are easy. Any partnership –even a good marriage – can have bad times. It helps to think of a relationship as a “work in progress” in which the downs sometimes outnumber the ups, and we are not always happy all the time.” Ginsberg may have revealed the fundamental principle behind successful relationships with the concept of evolution. Loving, healthy, and committed relationships continuously change. The notion of continuous change should be applied to all types of relationships.
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