Sing those Sea Chanties Loud!

• Watch the movie Uncle Buck. It has John Candy. He’s dead but it was one of his greatest roles. He should have gotten an Oscar. You will laugh. If you are a man and have kids you will relate. If you want to have kids, it’s mandatory. I want to be like Uncle Buck before I die. I think my grown kids would say ‘yeah, my dad would do that thing with the axe.’

• Do one home repair between now and Christmas Day. I have discovered my toilet handle is starting to wear out. I shall repair that today. It will make me feel good about my manhood. Don’t pick a project too big, like reroofing your house. That will set you up for sadness. Make it within your wheelhouse.

• Pay someone’s rent/mortgage who lost their job. If you don’t want to give them cash (probably smart) find out where they live and try to pay it yourself. Or make a check out to that company and give it to the person. Sure, it might be a lot, but it could change their life or maybe buy them time to change their life. Maybe not that expensive? What about a pile of groceries? Gift card? Special K bars will give someone oral happiness. They might also give them diabetes but hey, it’s the holidays. Don’t know about Special K bars? Google it.

     Help where you can

• Get one of those names of kids off of the tree at the mall and get them something. Imagine being a kid with your name on the tree today, days out and your name hasn’t been picked. For all of you out there who are Jewish or Hindu or Muslim, this definitely gets you points because you’re doing it without even believing in the little baby Jesus behind it. ‘Well done’ we in the faith could tell you! Have one of my Special K bars.

• Drink some scotch with your morning coffee. My pastor and I did this some time ago, while talking about writing. It was my idea, not his, at least officially, and frankly, he didn’t have any in his coffee. I think he was just drinking it straight out of the bottle while we both smoked cigars. But if you make your coffee and you fix it up like I do with cream and sugar, then put in the scotch, it kinda tastes like Kalua only with a kick in the butt. Don’t drink and drive, but if you’re home, sit out front and hoist your mug to your neighbors as they walk their dogs and you’re singing sea chanties with made up words in a Christmas sweater with a smiling llama on its front. God loves sea chanties with made up words.

• Go out on Christmas Day in your bare feet and walk on the lawn. Under two feet of snow? Try it. If you live in the southwest, it’s cold and there is a little frost on the tips of our brownish lawns, do it. It will make you feel like a kid again. A little frost bite is good for the soul and in some European spas they use it to help sand the dry skin off your heels.

GOD IS IN CONTROL