Why Friendship Matters: Celebrating Friendsgiving In Faith

On the last Sunday in November, my church celebrates an oft-forgotten aspect of the holiday season: our friends. Friendsgiving has become an annual Sanctuary tradition that we look forward to all year. For those unfamiliar with the concept, Friendsgiving is an opportunity for friends to get together to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. While some do choose to celebrate with their families on a different day or at a different time, Friendsgiving is strictly to celebrate friendship. It began as an alternative for those who didn’t want to go home or couldn’t go home to observe with their families. It has now become an entire event devoted to celebrating the people who often get us through the most difficult and joyous times of our lives as adults.

Sanctuary started Friendsgiving because we serve communities (LGBTQ+, isolated from family, living away from home, not close to relatives) that are often unable to celebrate with their biological families. “Found family” is a strong theme of ours, as we forge the way to create spiritual community for those who need it. As this time of year often makes us think of what we are most thankful for, I’m reminded of the blessing of friendship.

People eating at a table — Friendsgiving. Photo by RDNE Stock project: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-white-dress-shirt-holding-white-hair-brush-5847681/

Why does friendship matter?

According to the Mayo Clinic, friends:

Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

There’s no general consensus on how many friends we should have, but the average American has between three and five close friends. I was surprised to learn the average length of a friendship is around 17 years! More unfortunate, however, is that we often lose touch with about 50% of the friends we make.

Beyond these statistics, most know the older we get, the harder it is to make new friends. This difficulty starts for most in their mid-2os and increases as life changes into their 30s. Modern issues, such as extensive work hours, COVID-19, and yes, family obligations often interfere with our ability to socialize. This, however, doesn’t change the importance of friendship.

God gave us one another

It’s evident that science realizes something the Bible writers knew thousands of years ago: friendships matter.

Way back in the Garden of Eden, God did something extraordinary. He saw that Adam was lonely, and He gave Him a companion. He could have just as easily told Adam to pray more or spend more time with Him, but He didn’t. God recognized our need for community and He created another human being for Adam to know and love. I know Adam and Eve were more than friends, but they weren’t just created to populate the world. They were created to work together in harmony, to struggle through differences and support one another as people. God commanded them to share life: specific in some ways to married life, but also specific in some ways as human beings. (Any good therapist will tell you the importance of friendship in marriage.)

Down the line, the Bible reveals there were many circumstances that changed people’s family dynamics. People moved, leaving family behind. Some were fatherless, leaving them destitute throughout life. Others didn’t, for one reason or another, have family ties. Some were called to a different standard and needed a level of support beyond biological family. Others saw extended family members (such as distant cousins) in more of a friendship role than family. Whatever the circumstances, the Bible continued to show us how much we need friends.

Better a friend nearby

Whether you have a great relationship with your family or things seem rocky, friendship is still essential to your well-being. Proverbs 27:10 advises us:

Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away. (NIV)

No matter what is going on in our lives, every one of us needs friends nearby. Family members can easily be out of reach, and friends help us get through in difficult times.

Proverbs 27:9 also says:

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. (NIV)

Friendships bring a pleasant quality to our lives. As the people we choose to be in our lives, we recognize and enjoy their presence. Quick to give advice, be there in and out of season, and to bring us back to a sense of ourselves (whether in breakups, losses, work drama, family incidents, or general life issues). Those lunch dates, nights out, phone calls, and vent sessions improve the quality of our lives many times over.

Loving our friends

Friends offer us a solid support system. This offers us the opportunity not just to receive support, but also be supportive as needed. As much as we prioritize work and family, we must also prioritize our friendships.

A friend loves at all times. (Proverbs 17:17a, NIV)

In a world of conditional experiences, friends offer consistency. In life, no one tends to love us more unconditionally than our friends. While expectations follow in romantic or partnered relationships, friendships are often more free in expression. We aren’t as afraid to be honest with our friends, and friendships offer unique insights. We are also given the same opportunities to return these favors in kind. Whether it’s telling it like it is, offering compassion and understanding, or just being there, friendship gives us the chance to do for others as they do to us.

Friendship in Christ

The New Testament (New International Version) contains the word “friend” 71 times. Most of these references are found in the Epistles, by which the authors address the recipient or recipients as “friend” or “friends.” Jesus Himself calls us His friends:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you.(John 15:15, NIV)

As Christians, the Bible speaks of the church in many different terms. We are the Bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:25), the branches of the vine (John 15:5), the army of the Lord (Joel 2:11), His peculiar people (1 Peter 2:9), family (Hebrews 2:11) and His workers in the harvest (Luke 10:2). Another term (among many) that we see is friend: both friend of one another (3 John 1:15) and friend of God (James 2:23). The bonds of friendship – of platonic love active among believers – is essential to our message. We cannot work effectively together if we can’t find practical ways to support one another in the Kingdom of God.

Friends of God

Likewise, there are many different ways believers are spoken of in their relationship to God. While Father is undeniably the most universal, friend is also an important dimension when we speak of God. Much like our friends, God is always there for us, ready to help in times of difficulty, and to celebrate with us in times of joy. Even though we don’t speak much on it, speaking to God much like we speak to a friend is a powerful form of prayer, one that can get us through extremely difficult times. Relating to God as friend helps us see Him differently, in a far more approachable manner than we often treat the divine. He doesn’t need to be set aside on a shelf for special occasions, but can be an everyday part of our lives.

Thankful for friends

When you list your blessings this year – whether your friends are far or near – don’t forget the powerful presence they have in your life. You wouldn’t be you without them. Let them know they matter in your life!