Pulpits & Pettiness: The Truth Behind Mean Girls in Ministry

By Jacquiline Cox aka Listen Linda | Listen Linda Speaks on Patheos

Listen Linda… can we talk for real for a minute? I’m not talking about surface-level, praise-dance-and-move-on kind of talk. I’m talking about that deep, under-the-lacefront, down-in-your-spirit kinda truth. Because what I’m about to say ain’t pretty, but it’s necessary: We got some mean girls in ministry—and they ain’t just wearing red bottoms and quoting scripture. They’re sitting on pulpits, hosting conferences, laying hands, and posting Bible verses with one hand while tearing folks down with the other.

I know that might ruffle some feathers, but baby, if the stiletto fits—click clack.

Let’s Talk About the Smile That’s Hiding the Shade

So let’s break this down. What does a “mean girl” in ministry look like?

Now don’t get it twisted—she might be anointed, but that don’t mean she’s healed. She’s the type that’ll shout you down in church but size you up in the parking lot. She’s gifted, alright—gifted in the pulpit, but bitter in her spirit. She’ll clap for you on stage but roll her eyes behind closed doors. Publicly supportive but privately poking holes in your name like it’s her ministry assignment.

Sis, that ain’t leadership. That’s spiritual manipulation dressed in a mentorship wig.

She withholds opportunities, thrives on exclusivity, and uses the Word not to uplift but to control. And let’s be clear—it don’t matter how many scriptures you quote, if your heart is poisoned with pride and comparison, you are walking in the flesh, not the Spirit.

So… Where Is All This Foolery Coming From?

Let’s be honest. Nobody wakes up and says, “I wanna be the villain in somebody’s testimony.” But hurt that goes unhealed? Baby, that hurt grows legs, puts on a Sunday hat, and ends up leading the women’s conference.

This “mean girl” spirit is born from:

– Wounds from past rejection
– Insecurity in her calling
– Fear of being replaced
– Unaddressed pride or comparison

Let me put it like this: the “mean girl” spirit is a fruit of the flesh, not the Holy Ghost. It grows where healing hasn’t happened. And listen, Linda—there is no amount of titles, tithes, or tongues that can cover up a bruised and bitter soul. Healing ain’t optional in ministry—it’s required.

Now What Do You Do When You Run Into One?

Now this is where a lot of folks mess up. You meet a “mean girl” in ministry and suddenly you become one too. Uh-uh. Let’s not do that. You don’t become what broke you. You rise above it.

Here’s how you deal:

1. Don’t become what hurt you – Stay rooted in love.
2. Guard your heart without closing it – Discernment is not distrust.
3. Choose grace over gossip – You don’t need to get even. God does the elevating and the exposing.
4. Stay the course – Just because they rejected you doesn’t mean your calling is cancelled. Rejection is redirection.
5. Pray for them, but don’t partner with them – Everybody ain’t meant to sit at your table.

Let’s Talk About What NOT to Do

Sometimes we make it worse by trying to play their game. Don’t do it, sis. If their fruit is rotten, don’t let it spoil yours. Don’t let their flesh drag you out of your Spirit.

– Don’t let offense stop your growth. Take that hurt to the altar, not to the group chat.
– Don’t compare or compete—there is room at the table for all of us.
– Don’t confuse clique culture with Kingdom connection. If it’s all shade and no fruit, that’s not a tribe—it’s a trap.
– Don’t throw away your peace trying to match somebody else’s pettiness. That’s beneath you, queen.

Speak Life: Daily Declarations for the Healed Woman in Ministry

1. I will not let offense corrupt my anointing.
2. I am secure in my assignment—there’s no need to compete.
3. I choose wholeness over bitterness and grace over gossip.
4. I will be a safe woman in ministry—healed, humble, and Holy Spirit-led.
5. I carry oil, not attitude.

Let’s Pray, Sis

Father,
Heal the hearts of Your daughters who’ve been wounded by comparison, rejection, or cruelty in ministry.
Remind her that she is seen, called, and covered.
Uproot bitterness and replace it with boldness, love, and clarity.
Help her forgive those who wounded her so she doesn’t become them.
Raise up a remnant of healed women who walk in unity, love, and truth.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

What Does Linda Think?

Real Ministry Is Rooted in Love, Not Ego

Let’s get something straight: ministry ain’t a performance—it’s a responsibility. And if we’re gonna stand in pulpits and speak over people’s lives, we better make sure we’re not bleeding on them in the process.

To the woman who’s been hurt by church cliques and cold shoulders: God sees you. Your calling is still valid. Your voice still matters. And to the woman who is the mean girl—listen Linda, it’s never too late to heal. Go lay at His feet. Get free. Let that pride go.

Because real anointing doesn’t intimidate—it inspires. Real leaders don’t block—they build. And real ministry? It don’t compete. It completes.

Follow @spiritualsunbeam2020 for more real talk and healing from within the church walls. And if you need a reminder, let me be the one to tell you: You were called, chosen, and created to love—not to tear down.

Now go be the woman who carries oil—not attitude.