What does it mean to love deeply? I have noticed lately that civility seems to be a rare commodity these days. People seem more prone to acting in ways that seem increasingly self centered and even spiteful. What happened to us and how can we cultivate a more loving posture and bow deeply in love to the presence of love in each of those who cross our paths, even those who vex us greatly.

In reading an old blog by the late Frederic Brussat, he writes:

“Relationships are the central web of our lives. The strands connect us to family, intimates, partners, friends, as well as communities, natural places, and the Divine. Strong relationships emerge from and support civility — respect, courtesy, consideration of others, politeness, good manners, basic kindness.”

What has happened is that we have allowed the internet to enable us to bring out the worst in our human nature. We have lost sight of the divine nature in ourselves and others. It is this that we must contemplate on how to bring back to restore a sane sense of civility and love in our world.

Divine Nature

I pray with my kids every morning that we go about our day and try to see each person as a potential seat of Christ. Every person we meet, whether that person is a positive experience or a negative experience reflects a divine spark. Reflecting on the principles taught by the late Ram Dass,  “we transform ordinary encounters into opportunities for connection and understanding. Whether you’re interacting with a colleague, a friend, or a stranger, making an effort to honor the divine essence within them, as suggested in Ram Dass teachings, can lead to more profound and fulfilling relationships. This approach not only enhances our interactions but also promotes a sense of peace and harmony in our lives.”

Reflecting on a post I wrote about a year ago, I am reminded of these words that I offered: “When we recognize the Christ nature in all whom we love and share space with, we deepen our connection with all of humanity and creation. The Gospel calls us to unity, Jesus’ call to his disciples was to unity and the Christ nature is love in itself and binds us together in this unity. It moves through the interconnectedness of our churches, homes, learning spaces, play spaces and with the strangers we encounter every day in between.”

We Are All Deeply Connected

The African philosophy of Ubuntu proclaims that “I am because we are”. At its heart, Ubuntu is about being truly seen and acknowledged as whole beings through our connections with others. It’s the idea that “I am because we are,” emphasizing that our identities and well-being are intertwined with the community around us. When we begin to recognize that we are all part of the body of Christ and members of the kindom of God, we transcend the binary mindset that our world and much of Christianity wants us to engage in. As a practice, Ubuntu encourages us to engage deeply with the world around us.

Ubuntu moves away from the Cartesian quote ‘I think, therefore I am’, which takes the individual as a source of knowledge. Rather, the proverb umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu is central to Ubuntu, translating to ‘a person is a person through other persons’. The source of knowledge is, therefore, the community, not the individual. Therefore, we could say that for Ubuntu, ‘I am because we are’.

As we strive to embody patience, we may find that true love often requires us to slow down, listen more deeply, and respond with compassion rather than impulse. Practicing patience is not about ignoring our frustrations, but about choosing to engage with others with openness and understanding, especially in moments of disagreement or discomfort. In doing so, we create the possibility for healing and transformation, both within ourselves and in our relationships, nurturing a love that endures and uplifts everyone it touches.

In bowing to the Christ presence in those around us, we pull the thread of interconnectedness that weaves all of humanity together.

Love is Patient

The Confucian virtue of Jen or human-heartedness is based on a respect for the dignity of human life which leads to social harmony. When we begin to practice the art of patience, and we begin to honor the divine presence in all we meet, we open ourselves up to the notion of love being patient. We are all familiar with the 1 Corinthians 13 text that explains how love works. Patient, kind, not coercive, giving.

A lot has been said about 1 Corinthians 13. I want to comment on two points made in this passage that have deep meaning for me as a couples therapist and someone who has been a long term relationship his whole adult life:

Love Always Protects – This kind of love will always expose the sin of others in a safe way that won’t bring harm, shame, or damage, but will restore and protect.

Love Always Trusts

This love gives others the benefit of the doubt, sees the best in others, and trusts in their good intentions.

The passage illustrates that a healthy relationship is rooted in non-coercive love. Genuine connection occurs only when there is a foundation of safety and trust between individuals. While I sometimes recognize these qualities, many of my clients come to me because their understanding of safety and security is frequently misunderstood. Ultimately, relationships built on co-regulation (protection) and trust tend to endure.

In Conclusion

In summary, true love is a patient, protective, and trusting force that encourages us to honor the divine in everyone we meet. By embracing patience and practicing non-coercive, compassionate connection, we foster relationships rooted in safety, mutual respect, and understanding. These qualities not only nurture personal growth and healing but also strengthen the bonds that tie us together as a community, reflecting the enduring and uplifting power of love described in both ancient wisdom and sacred texts.