(warning, voice typing)
Recently I had a stroke. I had health issues earlier in life and made some diet changes and fought as hard as I could, but all the pieces came together and I finally had a major issue. Last week I was experiencing a little dizziness and some tingling, eventually my foot was dragging a little and so we went to the ER.
To say that this is overwhelming is an understatement. I say it often, “this will be hard.” Not only is it going to change a lot of things about my life, it is going to be a very difficult, hard struggle just to get to a place where I can live normal to some extent.
A couple of times I just say to someone or to myself, “I am sad.” When I do that, I almost always start to cry a little, but then it makes me feel better that I didn’t push it down like I have with so many emotions in my life.
We learn a lot of things through deletions. By experiencing life and trying things that don’t work, we can learn what we should not do as we move forward. So I know a few things that will not work or help me.
Spiritual Platitudes
We like to be prepared for whatever life throws at us, therefore, we often have catch phrases that we automatically go to as defenses. When unusual things happen to us, we like to have a ready mantra. We do it in normal life and in spirituality.
Most of these expressions that we use in religion are weak theologically and they don’t stand up to the long test of time. Things like “God has a purpose” or “God is in control” usually don’t genuinely help us because they bypass the initial feeling so that we can feel better temporarily.
At some point I challenged myself to think deeply about those platitudes that I’ve been rattling off. I found that most of them weren’t really that credible, they didn’t make sense, and they didn’t stand a test of time.
Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual bypassing is when we use things like those platitudes to avoid the hard work that is necessary or the pain that we initially feel. Again, it makes us feel better for a short time, but mostly causes more shadow issues later.
A lot of the memes we see online are examples of this bypassing. Where a cute statement seems to satisfy us momentarily, it might avoid the necessary steps to true healing.
Searching for Miracles
Even though miraculous things happen, and the universe is miraculous in and of itself, religious people often hope for the miraculous and avoid the work that may bring them the very same result.
The doctor in charge here is very nice but also very tough, and he said nothing will get me better except for me to decide to do the work. They have the best technology and the best therapists and a great method, but if I just sit in my room praying for a miracle, it’s likely I’m going to stay the same or get worse. The universe is geared toward progress and it is geared in our favor, so most times we just need to start taking steps.
So let me offer these humble suggestions:
Commit to the work
It is all about attitude. From the beginning. I keep telling nurses and doctors everyone here that we are 100%, then sometimes I tell them I’m sad and I start crying. But even though it’s hard, I’m committed to taking the necessary steps.
In a way religion has misguided us to the magic solution, where if you just do the right incantation or something then you can invoke higher powers and find a shortcut.
I’m going to keep saying it till I get out of this place: “I’m all in, I’m 100%, I’m ready.”
Feel What You Feel
Like I said before, we have to acknowledge what we are feeling, and talk about it with others. By the way, if someone tells you not to feel what you know you feel, you may want to get a new friend or just tell them, “I have a right to feel what I feel.”
Difficult emotions like sadness and vulnerability and all those other things make people uncomfortable and make us uneasy, but we need to feel them if we’re going to move forward.
Take Small Steps
Yesterday I probably walked about 90 steps. This is huge for me with a cane and help from the PT. I’m always focused on doing more and more, but something finally clicked yesterday when she told me to take smaller steps and focus, leaning on my weaker foot.
Sometimes smaller steps and focusing on doing it right pays big dividends later. I felt a lot better yesterday evening because my quads started to fire better when I slowed down and leaned into the thing that seemed painful and counter intuitive.
Yesterday I felt the emotion of fear, it was when I was learning how to get in the shower with the use of a transfer chair. It was once again hard and difficult to maneuver, but I can see how it would be extremely helpful.
I hope I don’t need it when I get out, but I felt the emotion and was able to process way better than trying to ignore it. If I can take the next steps in little small bunches, then it’s much easier to navigate.
Hope you never experience something like this, but I know that you have tough things in your life and I hope this will help.
If you’re looking for a way to help us, consider buying my latest book “Being” and giving one to a friend. I think it will transform your life and will help others. You can find it wherever you buy books or go to karlforehand.com.
Be where you are, be who you are.
Karl Forehand
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In