Some Words That Matter

I‏ used to think that things had to be complicated and complex to be significant.  I was searching for a system that was intricate enough to satisfy my longings. But the further I progress in my journey, I find that the answers become simpler and more clear rather than complex and hard to understand.

In fact, often it boils down to simple words that explain so much. I would like to share several words that have come to mean a lot to me. In the past few years. I talked about them in my book Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity

Compassion

In the first part of the book, I talked about my shadow experience where it felt like all the things that I had stuffed down over my life were coming to the surface all at once. I learned about shadow and decided to encounter my inner child. I didn’t really know how to do it, but I knew at least enough to know that I shouldn’t judge and should have compassion for this part of me.

Later, I considered my inner critic and learned that I also should have compassion for this part of me. When I could be present with the parts of me that were wounded, I was able to experience healing and those parts of me changed and became different.

I wrestle with the idea of mercy, because it seems that mercy requires that God be retributive and I don’t see God this way anymore. The word that fits better is compassionate. Jesus was described with this word and I think it’s a good quality for us to exhibit in many areas of our life.

Presence

Even though it’s occasionally necessary for us to visit the past, it’s not an effective place to live our lives. Here we find the regrets and painful memories that keep us from moving forward. As I mentioned before, it is possible to find healing when we do shadow work, but we can’t stay there.

We also can’t spend too much time in the future. It’s important to plan and face towards the future, but too much time there can leave us with fear and avoidance.  Waiting for things to happen in the future can avoid living the life that’s right in front of us.

Many Christians look towards the end times and hope that they will be raptured away from the earth and that all things will be different, but many times this just causes them to avoid living the life that’s right in front of them and to be where they are.

I call presence Being where we are.

The Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hahn passed away recently. He taught simple things like mindful walking. These are the kind of things that keep us present. Some of my friends count the number of bites they take when chewing their food or they stop to smell the soap as they wash their hands.

For me, it is about breathing and being. It is about focusing on whatever situation is in front of me and letting myself breathe and be where I am. I can have interaction and impact on the situation in front of me if I keep myself present. If I stay where I am, I won’t experience the fear of the present or the regret of the past, only the delight in the present.

Authenticity

Most of us were taught to have ambition. We were taught to decide what we want to be and do whatever we could to become what we wanted to be.   But none of us were taught to discover who we already are. No matter what I did in life, I couldn’t get away from who I already was.

When I discovered what I already am, I developed a short phrase that goes something like this ” I am a playful, adventurous and mystical man.” There is more to who I am than just that, but that’s a good start.

The more I understand who I am, the better I can live authentically. When we meet someone that is pretending to be something, it really leaves us confused as to how to treat them. Do we have to pretend that they are what they are pretending to be?

It’s exhausting to try to be someone else. It is disappointing to go through life being anything other than authentic. When we discover our true self, it only makes sense to live from this understanding, based in reality.

I call this Being who you are.

These three words are not complicated, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy.

These three words matter.

Yesterday, I considered what I would tell graduating seniors if I ever did a commencement address. What I shared with you is why I would share with them, live with compassion and live authentically in the present.

Be where you are, be who you are,

Karl Forehand