Disentangling

All of us have been there at one time or another. We come to that point where we realize an employer or a religious group or an association is just not working for us anymore.

I consider myself loyal, and I suppose that’s why I take it harder when someone disappoints me within that organization. I take that very personally, especially when it is abusive behavior, and move quickly to address the issues.

Anything that involves grouping together is essentially an organization. In an organization, the organization always comes first. Usually, when issues are brought up, the organization first feels fear. They circle the wagons to make sure and do damage control.

There’s no winning as a whistleblower. The organization does what’s best for itself and tries to either discredit the victim or ignore the situation, hoping it will disappear. They usually don’t listen well to the offended and don’t stoop very low to help them.

Organizations don’t tend to be aware of the damage they do. They focus on their success and what will profit them most. When they intentionally or unintentionally cause harm to people in their group, they usually won’t take action unless it becomes uncomfortable enough for them to have to address it.

Two things are important for the individual, agency, and advocacy. We have to be able to have agency for ourselves. We must be able to speak about injustices and where we think we have been wronged. We also should be able to speak for others without repercussions.

The trouble is that I have never seen an organization that treated whistleblowers with respect, including all of the churches I have experienced. They focus on the initial part of the equation when the employee, church member, or team member is new and excited to be part of the group.

It’s easy for the group to dismiss one individual, but it’s extremely hard for the individual to untangle from the group.

Several times, when I decided to leave a group, I tried to stay friends with those inside the group that I left. I now realize that was unfair to them, even though I was just trying to be kind. They have their own interest in being in the group. Everyone suspects their employer, group, or church has flaws, but if they have decided to endure those shortcomings, then who am I to tell them otherwise?

I don’t think I’ll stop advocating for myself and those I see who suffer abuse, but I’m learning to navigate it better. For my critics, I didn’t say I was perfect, but I am trying.

I will never stop calling out abuse when I see it. I know that creates a rocky path for me, but sometimes not taking a side is siding with the abuser.

Be where you are,

Be who you are,

Karl Forehand