God Treats Me Like a Christian

God Treats Me Like a Christian

I had a rough day yesterday, and several people encouraged me to take care of myself, take some time off, and rest—So I did.

As with most things, it got me thinking. In the back of my mind is always that thought that was implanted by Christianity that God must be punishing me, or blessing me, or trying to tell me something.

On most days, I feel, that if God exists, he is ignoring me. That was true before and it is true now. I’m just being more honest now. Some things went well for me then and some things go well for me now. I didn’t have any sense then that God was intervening, except for when I used whatever circumstances happened during the day and twisted the narrative around God’s grace, God’s provision, or God’s punishment. The circumstances still seem to be the same and I could twist that narrative around something else if I wanted to.  I had health issues when I was a Christian, and I still struggle with health issues now. I sometimes get a rush of dopamine, I used to attribute that to the Spirit—Now, I understand that happens when I’m doing something pleasurable and satisfying.

Christians like to insert their praise for God into every sentence for everything good in their life. But when things are going wrong, they blame it on themselves. They may believe God is punishing them, but they believe the bad things or unfortunate things or the normal things that happen in life are their fault.

So, when some of my friends yesterday encouraged me to take care of myself and rest., I recognized their wisdom and realized how opposite the prescription is from Christendom. Normal scripts for Christian believers center around Bible reading, church attendance, and volunteering more of their time and money to the organization called the church. That is the holy trinity of church counseling…and don’t forget to “be good!”

Even though God treats me the same as before, I have to admit that my life is different. I still have some of my challenges, but I navigate them better. The environment that I find myself in is similar to before, but I interpret it more clearly. Relatively, I still have about the same number of challenges and concerns, but my life is more peaceful. I have healed much of the trauma in my life, some of which was from before religion and some from religion. I am generally happier and have more optimism about the future than before. I don’t attend church, but I have tons of community and people that support me.

So, if God stayed the same, and still treats me the same as he did when I was a Christian and a pastor, then what changed?

The change is that I treat myself better!

Self-care and even self-pleasure are not selfish or sinful. Often, when I have a day like yesterday, it is necessary, helpful, and even productive to take a break and care for myself. Just like before, inserting God into the narrative or even performing religious duties, doesn’t help me get better.

And just like before, God doesn’t seem to care!

I don’t have a problem with God not caring, and I’m not mad about it. He is, according to the narrative, set in his ways. So, I’m glad he is at least consistent. But just like other people in my life who don’t show up, I don’t spend any time worrying about what they think, and I don’t go to them for advice. I certainly don’t worship them or try to win their favor.

I belong to myself first!

Be where you are,

Be who you are,

Be at peace!

Karl Forehand

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