In this section I will address the questions, concerns that I hear most frequently about NFP. *Parts of my answers are taken from my blog and my response on Catholic-Converts.
1. NFP is just Catholic birth control. Call it whatever you want, but the results are still the same: no kids.
I hear this from atheistic feminists (at feministing.com) and from devout Catholics alike so I thought I would address this first. I find this analogy a little confused and here is why. If a person dies in his sleep and another is smothered in his sleep, you have two dead people, but clearly there is a difference in how they died.
First, as we read from Pope John Paul II’s speech, there is an intrinsic difference between contraception and NFP. Contraception changes the very nature of sex, ie, the couple literally becomes closed off to one another and participate in a gnostic form of life, the literal separation of the self, while NFP respects human sexuality.
These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, “every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” is intrinsically evil . . .(CCC2370)
Second, NFP CAN be abused IF the couple does not prayerfully discern God’s will. “From this it follows that they are not free to act as they choose in the service of transmitting life, as if it were wholly up to them to decide what is the right course to follow. On the contrary, they are bound to ensure that what they do corresponds to the will of God the Creator. The very nature of marriage and its use makes His will clear, while the constant teaching of the Church spells it out(HV 10.)” So, the Church places a MAJOR emphasis on the discernment process, which means couples must educate and pray about their decisions and make sure they are God based.
The Church Herself does not define what “well-grounded reasons” are, mainly because they leave that up to the couple and God. But, from a comment in the combox and from my own blog, I have heard parents of large families complain they hear negative comments about their family size from NFPers. The Church says “Sacred Scripture and the Church’s traditional practice see in large families a sign of God’s blessing and the parents’ generosity (CCC2373).
Third, NFP can be abused if the couple’s intent is self-centered and not God centered, so the burden is placed on the couple to discern God’s will in their decisions.
2.)Why is it that NFP limits sex to that time of a woman’s cycle when she is, biological speaking, least inclined to want to have sex?
I would say first, NFP can be effectively used to conceive a much wanted child or it can be used to delay a much wanted child. So, I assume from the question the person is delaying a child.
Choosing not to have sex when both want to have sex is difficult. It is for this reason that Pope Paul VI has this to say about NFP:
The honest practice of regulation of birth demands first of all that husband and wife acquire and possess solid convictions concerning the true values of life and of the family, and that they tend towards securing perfect self-mastery. To dominate instinct by means of one’s reason and free will undoubtedly requires ascetical practices, so that the affective manifestations of conjugal life may observe the correct order, in particular with regard to the observance of periodic continence. Yet this discipline which is proper to the purity of married couples, far from harming conjugal love, rather confers on it a higher human value. It demands continual effort yet, thanks to its beneficent influence, husband and wife fully develop their personalities, being enriched with spiritual values. Such discipline bestows upon family life fruits of serenity and peace, and facilitates the solution of other problems; it favors attention for one’s partner, helps both parties to drive out selfishness, the enemy of true love; and deepens their sense of responsibility. (HV 21)
Is it difficult? Yes. But this is exactly why NFP CAN open peoples’ hearts for more children because it is so difficult and spouses rationalize that maybe getting pregnant is not the worst thing to happen. But if the couple does indeed have reasonable reasons to not have kids, then the denial of sex and the self-mastery needed to deny it makes them holier people.
3.)If the real difficulty with birth control is the intent to have sex without conceiving children (instead of, say, the use of technology as opposed to natural means), then why is NFP allowed at all? After all, the ultimate intention (to avoid conception from that particular sexual encounter) seems to be the same?
As Maria stated in the combbox, the issue of birth control and NFP is not one of intent, although NFP can be bad if the couples’ intent is to reject children. The issue with any form of contraception is that it makes sex a lie. It changes the very nature of the sexual act, which from a Christian perspective is supposed to be 100% self-giving to the spouse. It is so integral that the Church says every single sexual act HAS to be honest. And what is honesty? Honesty is not going into a sexual act preparing for war. That’s right. Every time a person uses a barrier between herself and her partner, whether it is a physical barrier or a chemical barrier, and chooses to have sex, he is saying with his words, “I love you and give myself to you” but his body is saying “Except for this part of me.” The Church demands Her people not split body and soul, but rather unify them as God willed them to be unified. Even if you and your partner don’t say its “war” your bodies cannot not lie. You are placing a barrier between yourselves that IS a real barrier.
There is something even more insidious that happens with contraception and that is that sex is divorced from children. By its VERY definition, “CONTRA-CEPTION” is negative. You go and have sex and use something negative. “Against Conception.” Our secular world calls this “protection” or “control.” So a child no longer is a natural, logical outcome, but rather a “thing” to be planned and a “thing” to be ordered. This is so serious the Church calls “Contraception” as a part of “The Culture of Death.” In its 1992 ruling in Casey vs Planned Parenthood, the Supreme Court sounded like the Catholic Church when it said that contraception has changed the very nature of sex. People have sex and don’t want a child. So when a child is conceived, it no longer is a natural, logical product of two loving people, but a thing or a “product of conception” that MUST be destroyed if the parent so chooses.
NFP respects the natural order. It does not divorce sex from children. It does not split the unity of the person. It does not separate spouses and their vows. And ultimately, it honors God as the author of all.
4)A big question for us, however, is what constitutes a serious reason for delaying pregnancy? How serious does the reason have to be?
First off, in the Vatican translation of H.V. the Holy Father uses “serious (changed from reasonable) reasons.” The Church does not define what these reasons are or could be. It does NEED to be said, no one HAS to use NFP. There are many Catholic and non-Catholic families who do not have health issues or whatnot and they choose to let God worry about the details. This is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged by the Church, as the quote from Question 1 shows.
The Church does say that since marriage is a Sacrament, and since the spouses form a 3 way community–husband,wife,God–the spouses are supposed to pray over their needs and wants within marriage. I guess I feel that if people are wanting to please God, they will do what is right within their marriage. And the good news is, unlike most contraceptions, spousal decisions can be changed from one month to the next. This is not a one time fixed decision, like sterilization.
I d0 take great comfort in knowing that the health of both spouses is recognized as important by our Holy Father, 0r external circumstances, whatever that means. The point is the Church teaching is reasonable and respectful of issues that can affect a couple. I know there are many Catholics out there who believe NFP is to be used in very rare circumstances, but my feelings on this if the Holy Father himself did not define what these reasons are, than laity should not become Popes themselves and fill in the blanks. I think the Pope wisely trusted couples to know their own needs and situations.
5)Is one morally obligated to have as many children as one can (i.e., either physically or financially)? I only ask because the community in which I currently find myself has the attitude that if you go so many years (I think they say 3) without having a child, then you’re failing in your marital vocation. This strikes me as extremely odd, as somewhat utilitarian, and as making marriage merely a means to an end rather than an end in itself. What are your thoughts?
First, I find this so offensive and here is why. It is no one’s business outside of your wife, or husband and God on how many kids He gives you. No one.
Second, EVERYONE assumes that if you do not regulate fertility people will have a ton of children. This is just not true. Most Westerners are marrying in their late 20s and early 30s. Age affects fertility. Breastfeeding affects fertility. Diet affects fertility. Obesity affects fertility and 30 some % of Americans are obese.
Third, many couples experience secondary infertility, which means they have a child already, but cannot get pregnant again.
It seems like the people in your community are placing themselves in the position of God and judging families on how many people are produced. There is woman in town here who has one born child. She & her husband have suffered 4 miscarriages since. One lady in their parish constantly tells her “how selfish it is not to have more kids.” What?! The lady obviously does not know about their miscarriages, but is it ANY of her business?
The ? you have, though, is whether we are morally obligated to have as many kids as possible. I would direct you to Pope Paul VI’s response and the Catechism’s response. The couple has to discern God’s will in their marriage. Some people may never have children because they are infertile. Others may only be given a few children, while others are called to have large families. I think it is important that the Pope recognizes, too, the psychological conditions of the spouses. I suffered from post-partum depression, like MANY women, after my first child. This makes me very nervous if I should have more kids again. I think of Andrea Yates. She clearly suffered from severe post partum psychosis with her earlier pregnancies. Every couple has their own issues, hence the reason Pope Paul VI did not offer a checklist for spouses.
I hope this helps. If you are not satisfied with the responses, feel free to comment.
**Note: A commenter feels that I have not properly characterized HV. He
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In