After reading the comments both at Vox Nova and my blog on the issue of working moms and the Church, I thought it would be good to do a follow up post.
First, my word choice gave the impression that I felt that being a mom is not enough. That is not good and it is not what I believe. I think the sentence that gave that impression was “Men get to have it all.” “All” meaning marriage, kids, and a career, thereby implying that stay at home moms are lacking somehow. I guess I should say that men tend to have more choices and I think that is more concise than “all.” My question really boils down to whether women who WANT to have both children and a career can do so and fulfill her obligations to her husband, children, Church, and herself? From the comments I can tell that this is an issue that families face every day AND, in a way, this post is almost elitist because I have not even addressed the families who have no choice in this matter, who HAVE to have both parents working so that food, housing and health care can be provided. I do not want this to boil down to moms who stay home with their children love their kids more than moms who work. Not good.
Secondly, after reading all the comments, I realize my concern is not really with the Church. When I think about the social encyclicals, Rerum Novarum and Centesimus Annus, I realize the Church HAS criticized the idea that people serve the economy and NOT the other way around. I think my concern would be completely moot if our society was more family friendly. What would make society more family friendly? I have heard from my readings that Iran allows women to participate in their culture and society, even though men and women are segregated. This means that the State sponsors day care at the universities so that women can study and have families. The State sponsors day care at jobs so women can work and have families. Isn’t it fascinating that I am pointing to a Muslim government who the United States hates?
My girlfriend, who is an NFP Catholic with 6 children, lived in a Muslim country for years. She said visiting the United States was always eye opening because of the comments they received here versus there. There she was accepted. Here she was not. She was an anomaly. I am not suggesting becoming Muslim is the solution to the problem. I am saying we can learn something from them, though.
I joined an organization called Moms Rising that focuses on making legitimate and concrete changes in our society so that women CAN have a family and work in a more humane, family friendly way.
Most of the comments really reveal that most people assume that if you work you HAVE to be away from your children because right now in our society that is what happens. I noticed that most of the women who used to work but are now stay at home mothers HAD to quit by the time they had 3 or 4 children. The workplace was no longer conducive to decent family life. The workplace, as it is right now, is hostile not only to women–as many of the men pointed out–but ALSO to men and fathers. Really, the workplace assumes that your sole purpose in life is the job and nothing more. Moms Rising is fighting for open and flexible working conditions for both men & women.
Lastly, there was one commenter over at my blog who talks about two Catholic women professionals who she knows who have large families and careers. But they live close to their extended families. As MZ pointed out, I assume we are only dealing with the nuclear family and not extended families. I am interested in these women because, for me, they show how to balance the needs of the family, the Church’s expectations, and the woman’s needs.
I will say that my own mother stayed home with us and I loved it. It is the reason I wanted the same for my daughter. I have more time to cook healthy meals, I keep my house clean (which keeps me sane), I get stuff done during the day so when my husband comes home we have time to hang out as a family. But I will, one day, want to return to the classroom and I, like most working moms, will work my schedule around the needs of my kids. Right now, I get my fix by coaching (3+hrs/wk) and tutoring (2hr/wk) and my daughter accompanies me where I have an on site babysitter. But the question remains–will I be able to continue when I have more children? I am so lucky because the Catholic school where I work 5 hours a week, provides me with a babysitter so I can coach the team. Most working moms are not so lucky, bet I bet if something like this were offered, women and men would take advantage of it.
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